Secrets of parenting : all parents want to love their children

Distributed in furtherance of the acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914. North Carolina State Uni¬ versity and North Carolina A&T State University com¬ mit themselves to positive action to secure equal opportunity regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, religion, sex, age, or disability. In addition, the two Universities welcome all persons without regard to sexual orientation. North Carolina State University, North Carolina A&T State University, U.S, Department of Agriculture, and local governments cooperating. NC All Parents Want to Love Their Children 00<><><>0<><><>0<><<X>»X>C<><»(><X>00<>0<X>0<><><X><*X>0<X><><>X><>C<>0<>0<><<X>«>0‘^^ If I have told you once, I have told you a hundred times. Have you lost your mind? What has gotten into you? What were you thinking? Why did you do that? What a stupid move I Have you heard yourself saying these things to your child? How would you feel if someone said them to you? When a child is born, most parents feel warm and loving toward their cuddly, depen¬ dent baby. They may find the new experience overwhelming, but they feel they can handle it. But later, when the child is cranky, when the crying does not stop, or when he or she becomes ill, grows up, and begins to talk back, then parents clamor for information — now what do we do? The secret of parenting is to give the child a loving foun¬ dation of care and support in the early years. STATE UNIVERSITY A&T STATE UNIVERSITY COOPERATIVE EXTENSION Helping People Put Knowledge to Work To thrive, every child needs to know someone who is crazy about him or her. (Bronfenbrenner, 1976) We can't ignore children. We have to give them warmth and love. We can't burden them with adult stress. They are not ready to handle it and have not developed positive coping strategies. What’s A Parent to Do? Respond to your child’s cues and clues. You must help your children develop trust in you. This means that your children know you will meet their needs. Learn to read your children’s cues and clues so you can meet their needs. When children know they will be taken care of, they are less likely to be fretful. They can relax, and crying is reduced. This foundation is built in the first year of life, but it is critical for a lifetime. Children who receive warm and loving care are more likely to feel safe and secure with the adults who care for them. This gives them the ability to bounce back when stressed. Accept your child for who he or she is, but expect success. Children are all different. They have different temperaments; some are easy-go¬ ing, some are shy or slow to warm-up, some are more intense, and some experience difficulty with transitions. You can tell your children that you expect success, but you may have to tell them specifically what that means (such as, “complete your homework,” or “ pick up the toys on the floor in your room”). They don’t know what you expect if you don’t talk about your expectations. When you expect success, you help to build confidence because you are showing that you believe in your children.