Fostering perspectives

              Views on Foster Care and Adoption in North Carolina fostering perspectives May 2011 • Vol. 15, No. 2 www.fosteringperspectives.org
Sponsored by the NC Division of Social Services and the Family and Children’s Resource Program
Teaching children to take care of themselves
by Nancy Carter, ILR Associate Director, SaySo Executive Director
As a parent or caregiver
of a child or young per-son,
our primary goal is
to raise children to be lov-ing,
confident, well-rounded, self-sufficient
young adults. This is true for any child—
adopted, foster, biological, or even those who
visit our homes for short periods.
When children who have been abused or
neglected enter our homes, it is natural to
want to love and protect them. Unfortunately,
often we do this by insulating them from
opportunities to learn skills that help them
take care of themselves. Our best way of lov-ing
the young people brought into our care
is to teach them that by learning to take care
of themselves, they will learn to also love
themselves, enjoy their capacity to produc-tively
participate in the world, and begin to
trust decisions they make as they grow older.
The future is uncertain for young people
with foster care experience. So while they
are with us, we need to engage them in daily
teaching moments. Even the small decisions
adults take for granted are important life
skill opportunities. When we do this we will
feel satisfaction knowing the young people
in our homes have increased the number of
“tools in their survival kit” to take care of
themselves in the real world.
When to Start?
Our responsibility to help young people be-come
self-sufficient begins the moment they
are born. Unfortunately, most independent
living programs start at age 13 or 16, so
there is a misconception that this is when
to start teaching young people tools to live
in the real world. Federal and state funds
are earmarked for youths of this age due to
the urgency of their impending transition.
Experienced parents, however, will agree
that waiting until a child is a teenager to
teach life skills means missing out on many
“golden moments” when youths
are developmentally ready to “do
it myself.” When children are de-velopmentally
ready, the parent
can coach by modeling the skill,
assisting the child with the skill,
and then finally allowing the
child to “do it him/herself,” prac-ticing
while the adult provides helpful feed-back.
This Model, Assist, Practice method (Fig-ure
1) may happen in one moment or over
days/weeks/months, depending on the age and
abilities of the child. Parents are cautioned
not to assume that because a child is 10
years old, he or she should be capable of
performing skills at the same level as most
other 10 year olds. Each young person will
be at different developmental stages based
on the traumas and setbacks they
have experienced. This is in no
way a reflection of the young
person’s ability to learn, so re-member
to be patient as you be-come
acquainted with the inher-ent
skills and strengths of the
children in your home.
Life Skills: A Developmental Approach
Developmentally, children of all ages can
learn life skills. The challenge for the par-ent
is to determine what the young person
can manage and still be motivated to learn.
For instance, when faced with growing
piles of laundry, parents should see this as
an opportunity to engage their children in
the process. Yes, it may be easier and faster
to “do it yourself,” but in the long run, teach-ing
skills like sorting, not
Figure 1 The Model, Assist, and Practice Approach
STEP 1
Model
Adult demonstrates the skill
Youth observes
STEP 2
Assist
Adult helps youth do it, offering encouragement
— Do not do it for youth! —
Youth tries the skill
STEP 3
Practice
Adult observes, offers positive reinforcement
& creates opportunities for practice
Youth demonstrates the skill and practices
Adults should keep in mind:
• Encouragement is necessary to motivate
• Choose times to teach carefully – do not teach when angry
• Give positive strokes
• Recruit others to create “teachable moments” with youths
Source: Helping Youths Reach Self-Sufficiency, ILR, 1999
The future is
uncertain for young
people in care.
While they’re with
us, we must teach
them every day.
continued page 2
2
Teaching children to take care of themselves from page 1
overloading the washing machine, tempera-ture
of water, etc., will go a long way to-wards
helping young people build increased
capacity to do their laundry independently.
Consider “playtime” as an opportunity for
a toddler to sort the colored clothes from
the whites, the towels and bed sheets from
the clothes, etc. Once the appropriate piles
are made, toddlers can bring the items to
your pre-teen to place them in the washing
machine, who will then receive some instruc-tion
from you regarding amount of deter-gent,
temperature of water, and so on. In
some cases, an older youth in the home who
has mastered doing their laundry can assist
the younger ones.
In the profession of life skills education, it
is common knowledge that when youths teach
skills they retain that skill at a higher level
(Project Stepping Out, Baltimore County
DSS, 1985.) Therefore, whenever possible,
invite youths with demonstrated skills to teach
those skills to other children in the home.
Pay particular attention to how the chil-dren
respond to your direction. If they grasp
the instructions quickly, proceed with the
next step. If the young person seems con-fused,
repeat and demonstrate the skill,
breaking it into even smaller, concrete steps.
Do not forget to Model, Assist, and allow
youths to Practice. Parents often need to re-linquish
some control in order for youths
to feel like they can control things in their
life, even if it is just the laundry, cooking,
hygiene, and so on.
This developmental approach to life skills
is based on the idea that anyone at any age
can learn something about the skill. The job
of the parent or adult in charge is finding
that place on the “concrete” to “abstract” con-tinuum
(Figure 2) where a young person has
the ability to start learning.
Although every skill can be placed on this
continuum, do not assume a young person
with an abstract level of understanding in
the area of cooking will have a similar un-derstanding
in the area of work experience.
Often the young person’s level of understand-ing
corresponds with the amount of expo-sure
they have had related to the area.
Figure 2 provides an illustration of how
the laundry skills continuum can be broken
down into smaller, developmental steps. At
one end of the continuum, a child is very
concrete and smaller steps are needed for
the child to understand what to do. This
child may even need pictures on a poster to
illustrate the appropriate steps to clean their
bedroom. Statements such as “go clean your
room” are too abstract and a child’s reac-tion
to not understanding the task may range
from complete avoidance to anger.
At the other end of the continuum, ab-stract
thinking is achieved. An example is a
young person who knows (or has learned
from experience) that if they wash their red
clothes with white clothes, they will end up
with a basket of pink clothes. They also can
learn more advanced techniques such as de-termining
dry cleaning needs, removing tough
stains, understanding label instructions, etc.
Most adults function at the abstract level,
so it is natural for them to give verbal in-structions
to children at an abstract level.
Again, the challenge for the adult is to re-duce
their instruction/demonstration to more
concrete tasks to enable the young person,
who may be at any point of the continuum,
to achieve some success in learning the skill.
Parents and caregivers must always remem-ber
that even if the young person does not
learn the entire continuum of a skill, con-sistent
exposure and practice with the spe-cific
tasks will provide increased confidence.
Of course, parental feedback is also im-portant;
it accompanies the Practice step of
our teaching model. Be as specific and posi-tive
as possible, but not phony. Global state-ments
like “good job” can mean anything or
nothing. If you can be specific, it adds cred-ibility
to your feedback. The following com-ments
are specific to small tasks: “You added
just the right amount of detergent for this
load” and “Great job, you remembered the
dryer sheet before I reminded you.”
Skills to Focus on
Although laundry skills were used in the ex-ample,
life skills include both tangible and
intangible skills. Tangible skills include ac-tivities
that are easily seen, touched, and
measured such as cooking, laundry, and
money management. Intangible skills in-clude
those that are more internalized and
build over time, such as decision-making,
time management, and socialization. Both
types of skills are necessary to make a suc-cessful
transition to the adult world. That’s
why it is so important to start exposing
youths to a range of skills at an early age
and allow them to practice, practice, and
practice even more.
According to the Ansell-Casey Life Skills
Assessment (ACLSA), nine domains are con-sidered
important to achieve self-sufficiency.
The ACLSA is an assessment approved in
North Carolina to determine goals for young
people to reach self-sufficiency. The ACLSA
suggests beginning these assessments at age
8.
The domains and some examples of each
include the following:
• Career Planning: what are youths’
interests and how do those connect to a
career plan?
• Communication: emotional health,
understands strengths and needs,
respectful
• Daily Living: nutrition, meal prepara-tion,
leisure time, legal issues
• Home Life: clothing care, home safety
• Housing and Money Management:
saving, credit, budgeting, housing,
transportation
• Self Care: hygiene, health, sexuality,
drugs and other substances
• Social Relationships: cultural, inter-personal,
support systems, conflict
management
• Work Life: employment search,
applications, resume, maintain employ-ment,
etiquette
• Work and Study Skills: decision-making,
study techniques, how to use the Internet
As Figure 3 shows, some domain goals over-lap
with other domains—self-
Figure 2 Life Skills Continuum: Laundry Skills Example
Understands and
completes simple
tasks such as
sorting , folding
towels and socks,
identifies detergent
container, etc.
Concrete Abstract
Source: Helping Youths Reach Self-Sufficiency, ILR, 1999
Understands and can
perform more complex
tasks such as measuring
detergent, learning to
determine washer/dryer
settings with support,
can fold most clothes
and hang garments.
Understands and can
perform multiple tasks
with support at first and
then independently,
such as reading labels
and caring for clothes
accordingly. Pre-treats
stains and recognizes
clothes needing special
care.
cont. page 3
3
care/self-sufficiency skills are interrelated.
It should also be noted that a young per-son
will normally achieve varying levels of
competency for each of the domains. There-fore,
each domain should be evaluated in-dependently.
Assessments can be completed
free online at www.caseylifeskills.org.
Programs in every state are beginning to
evaluate how well young people are being pre-pared
to be self-sufficient. Through the Na-tional
Youth in Transition Database (NYTD)
and North Carolina’s LINKS program, young
people in foster care in our state are now
being evaluated through NYTD at age 17 and
then again at ages 19 and 21. The areas be-ing
assessed include all the LINKS outcomes
(listed below), which research has proven to
be key for transitional youths (*indicates an
area identified by the NYTD):
1. Sufficient economic resources*
2. Safe and stable housing*
3. Attain academic and vocational goals*
4. Sense of connectedness outside the social
service system*
5. Avoid illegal/high-risk behaviors*
6. Postpone parenting
7. Access to physical and mental health*
Visit http://www.ncdhhs.gov/dss/
links/ for more information about the
LINKS program and policies. Visit
http://www.saysoinc.org to view a pre-sentation
about NYTD.
The home and community are the
best settings for exposing youths to
life skills and giving them a chance
to learn and practice them. Parents,
guardians, and caregivers (including
respite foster parents) are in a per-fect
position to help expand the “tools
in a young person’s survival kit.”
Try not to worry about mistakes
they will make. Everyone has a “pink
clothes” story. Mistakes are often the
best way to learn what works most
effectively.
Allowing young people to teach you
some skills, such as how to program
the remote control or your new cell
phone, may help create a cooperative envi-ronment
of teaching and sharing in your
home. One of the best ways to see that you
are helping youths reach self-sufficiency is
to allow youths to practice those skills and
watch them improve. Also, encourage other
parents to support life skills learning and
practice in their homes as well.
As a community we can build a genera-tion
of young people who are better prepared
to take care of themselves and care for our
world.
For more about life skills education or to
contact Nancy Carter, visit www.ilrinc.com.
Foster parent training: “Helping Youth Reach Self-Sufficiency”
Here’s an opportunity for foster parents to learn how to teach a
course for foster parents AND help foster teens prepare to live on
their own.
Independent Living Resources, based in Durham, is recruiting
foster parents interested in spending the weekend of October 14–
16, 2011 in Burlington to learn what it takes to be a foster parent
trainer on topics related to foster teens.
The course, “Helping Youths Reach Self-Sufficiency,” covers the
basics of independent living, including assessing youths, making
decisions, and building assets, as well as how to use education,
employment, and the community in the process.
Foster parent participants will also learn to organize a two-hour
training for other foster parents in their area. Participants will
have an opportunity to practice training skills at the seminar. Upon
returning home, the foster parent trainers will conduct trainings
locally.
The course is sponsored by the NC LINKS program and is of-fered
FREE to foster parents. The LINKS program will pay lodging
and meals for foster parents to attend. Prior to registering for the
course, attendees must ask their licensing worker to support them
in this effort to train foster parents.
The seminar begins at 3 P.M. on Fri., October 14 and ends at 1
P.M. on Sun., October 16, 2011. To register, complete this registra-tion
form and return it to ILR, Inc., 411 Andrews Road, Suite 140,
Durham, NC 27705 or fax to (919) 384-0338. Registration Dead-line:
September 6, 2011. For more information, contact Nancy
Carter (800/820-0001; nancy.carter@ilrinc.com).
“Helping Youth Reach Self-Sufficiency”
Residency Training Registration Form
Independent Living Resources, Inc.
411 Andrews Road, Suite 230, Durham, NC 27705
(919) 384-1457 or fax (919) 384-0338
Fill out this form (please print) and mail or fax to above address.
Registration Deadline: September 6, 2011
Registrant Information:
Name: ___________________________________________________________
Address: _________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
City: _____________________________ State: _______ Zip: ______________
Phone: ________________________ Fax: _____________________________
Agency: __________________________________________________________
Agency Address (if different than above): ______________________________
________________________________________________________________
Participant Interest:
How do you plan to use the skills learned in this seminar?
Do you have training experience?
When do you anticipate conducting your first foster parent training?
Place and Time: Country Inn & Suites, Burlington, NC.
• Friday, 10/14: 3:00 – 8:00 P.M.
• Saturday, 10/15: 9:00 A.M. – 4:00 P.M.
• Sunday, 10/16: 9:00 A.M. – 1:00 P.M.
from page 2
Figure 3 Life Skills Domains
4
‘I just didn’t have anybody’ by Misty Stenslie, as told to Represent Magazine
Foster Care Alumni of America’s deputy director explains how she found her own supports
I was in foster care in eight different states growing up. I was in the
middle of North Dakota when I actually aged out. I had finished
high school early and gone to college when I was 16. So for my first
year in college I stayed in a foster home, but then I was on my own.
My last foster parents were very good people and I learned a lot
while I was there, but I wasn’t their child. Once I aged out, I wasn’t
their responsibility anymore. I just didn’t have anybody.
‘I Need Help!’
I remember when I was 19, I was going to try to make Thanksgiving
dinner for the first time, and I didn’t know how. I went shopping at
the last minute and all the stores were closed (I didn’t know that
stores close early on Thanksgiving).
I ended up going to a gas station convenience store to try to get
supplies and I just broke down and started to cry. I was just feeling
so sorry for myself, that I didn’t have anybody who could help me,
and I was wondering if life was always going to be like that, if I was
always going to be alone.
Plus, I didn’t know how to cook a turkey. Sitting in my tiny little
apartment, I saw there was a tag on the turkey with a phone num-ber
on it to call for help, so I called Butterball. I said, “I’m an
orphan, I need help!” They talked to me for a half hour, and the
lady told me to call her back later to tell her how it turned out.
That’s a small example of something I did throughout my life:
finding other people and other resources that could stand in the
place of a family.
Finding Resources
Even now, I’m still really careful to keep things at my fingertips.
For instance, I always have a membership to AAA, the auto club, so
I have someone to call if my car breaks down.
The other thing is I’ve had this ongoing relationship with NPR
(National Public Radio) and Time magazine. That’s where I learned
a lot of things that I think most people learn at home. I really do
see Garrison Keillor and the Car Talk guys (radio hosts) as part of
my extended family, even though they’ve never met me.
Having those things consistently there is a source of a lot of
comfort for me. I think there’s something to the ritual of it, too. I
think rituals are really important to people, and so I’ve brought
that to my own life.
Accepting My Grief
Being resourceful has always been one of my strengths. And I think
that has a lot to do with why my life has been as good as it has. I’ve
taken advantage of every opportunity.
But I still went through times of deep, deep despair. I came to
realize that if I took the time out to actually experience that despair
for a while, rather than push it to the side, then I could go through
it and be done with it.
In the old days I didn’t know that I should do that. I’d be feeling
increasingly sad and upset and I’d try to ignore it and it would just
leak out anyway. Now I recognize that it makes sense that I would
feel some lasting grief and sadness over these things, and there’s
no shame in that.
Figuring Out Relationships
As far as developing supportive relationships, it was tough. I spent
a lot of time feeling and being very much alone, because I didn’t
know how to go about having a truly reciprocal relationship.
I found that I was doing this thing where I’d have polite conversa-tion
with somebody and we’d start developing a friendship, and
then when the first time came for a real conversation I’d end up
telling my life story.
Afterwards I’d feel vulnerable and exposed, and I’d have a hard
time knowing how to relate to them now that they knew this stuff
about me, and then I wouldn���t follow through with the relationship.
It took a while to figure out it doesn’t feel good to me to do that
and I’m not going to do that anymore. I really got lucky to have a
couple of friends who called me on it.
Once I learned to not get caught up in my only identity being as
some kind of victim, then I had a lot more to offer in a friendship.
It was easier because I didn’t feel so vulnerable and the other per-son
didn’t feel so overwhelmed. But those things didn’t come natu-rally.
Therapy has been really helpful.
In early 2000 I got involved in what became Foster Care Alumni
of America. For the first time, I was able to look around and
realize there are a whole lot of other people like me. Finally finding
some role models and some peers was a great relief and a great
source of inspiration.
Peer Support
I think it’s part of the culture of foster care to always wonder if
you’re worth it. You feel like you were never good enough for your
original family, or for any other family. I carried those things around
in my own heart without even realizing it.
Then I looked at these other people who I thought were so wor-thy,
and found out they had the same feelings of worthlessness that
I did. I could recognize that regardless of how they felt about them-selves,
they were good, they were loveable. Then I could finally
extend that to myself. Connecting to other alumni of foster care has
been a new kind of freedom and love and belonging that I never
found anywhere before.
Reprinted with permission from Represent, Copyright 2008 by Youth Communication/
New York Center, Inc. (www.youthcomm.org)
Learning to Trust as told to Janeen Mullins
When I got out of care, romance and all kinds of
relationships seemed so scary! In care, I never stayed
in one place long enough to trust anybody, so when
I went out into the world I gave the people who
were trying to get to know me a hard time. I was
scared of having relationships with people who would
be gone the next day.
I put people through little tests to see if they could
be trusted. I wouldn’t call them back to see if they would call me. Or I would
tell them a little about my foster care and group home background to see if they
saw me as an individual. A few people were fixated on my past, but most
accepted me for me.
I wouldn’t share my emotions with my boyfriend and wouldn’t tell him I
loved him. He’d just say, “You’ll love me one day!”
He had a lot of walls to break down. For one date, I stood him up on purpose
just to see if he would call me the next day… and he did! We just made plans
to go out again.
When I realized that most people accepted me, I opened up. I have a really
good support system of friends, and my relationships with my siblings are very
strong. I’ve been with my boyfriend 12 years now. He wants to get married.
I’m working on getting comfortable with that.
The other issue I had was working too much. My whole life was work because
I didn’t know how to relax. All I heard in care was, “Did you save your money?”
and “Being on your own is expensive.” No one ever told me how to balance my
life, and it took me awhile to learn that working wasn’t more important than
love and connection.
I took my first vacation at the age of 25. I went with one of my sisters to
Jamaica and it was beautiful and relaxing. Since then, I’ve been to the Bahamas,
Mexico, Hawaii and Canada. I’m making up for lost time!
—Tiffany Johnson, age 29, Vallejo, CA
Reprinted with permission from Represent, Copyright 2007 by Youth Communication/New York Center, Inc.
5
Futures Ready: A free curriculum for emerging young adults
Evalee
Young Adult Co-Trainer,
Futures Ready
Age: 21
Experience: Aged out of
therapeutic foster care,
Advocate, and Youth M.O.V.E.
(Motivating Others through Voices of Experience) Advisory Board
Member
Interests: Art
Goals: I would like to open a shelter or a group home one day
I transitioned from foster care to living independently and from high
school to college. Transitioning was not easy but I made it due to the
fact that I had a plan which is called a Futures Plan. The plan has
helped me greatly. I had goals I set and dates to do them by and it
kept me on track. During this transition I had a mentor to guide me.
That was very helpful.
Jonathan
Young Adult Co-Trainer,
Futures Ready
Age: 24
Experience: Advocate, Youth
M.O.V.E. Advisory Board
Member, and had an
Individualized Education Plan
(IEP) in school
Interests: Technology and Working on Cars
Goals: To get my GED and to obtain a job that’s recession-proof!
From my personal experience, it [Futures Planning] showed me a
new way of seeing the future instead of my life in a gang. I thought
I was going backwards to criminal actions, but a new perspective, in
my own words, was put in front of me, giving me a new path. A
new light came like a new path in dark woods. I would tell youth
that the Futures Ready curriculum is helpful because they [young
adults] learn how to find help and support. It shows adults how to
help youth along their way!
Young adults with severe emotional or behavioral disorders have higher drop-out
rates than any other disability group. They are also less likely to attend
post-secondary school than other disability groups. Their challenges are not
only educational—they face daily difficulties exacerbated by inappropriate
emotional and behavioral responses due to a lack of self-regulation.
Caregivers of these emerging young adults often ask: How can I best
support a young adult struggling with severe emotional or behavioral disor-ders?
What unique challenges do they face as they prepare for life as an
adult?
Young people often ask, how is my life going to change when I turn 18?
Will I be able to enroll in college, own the car of my dreams, and buy a
house? How will I pay for it?
Staff within child-serving agencies ask, how can I get young people to
be more involved in the planning process, care about their futures, and be
actively engaged in the activities outlined in their plan?
Answers to these questions are addressed in a free workshop entitled:
Futures Ready! A Transition Curriculum Geared to Young Adult’s Struggling
with Severe Emotional or Behavioral Disorders and/or Substance Abuse
Issues. The curriculum was developed and is delivered by those impacted
directly by the training—family, youth, and staff who use mental health ser-vices
for their family or themselves.
About the Workshop
The Futures Ready workshop is action-oriented. It actively engages partici-pants
in understanding how services and everyday life changes for emerging
young adults who struggle with mental wellness issues. A central feature of
the workshop is “Futures Planning,” a youth-led mapping process that is
guided by an adult in their life and supported by an individualized team that
has been identified by the young adult. You may have heard these teams
referred to as Child and Family Teams (CFTs).
Caregivers and child-serving agency staff learn Futures Planning as a ready-to-
use skill during the first session of the workshop, where they are exposed
to and practice motivational interviewing and graphic facilitation. Using these
tools, adults can effectively assist the young person to develop a plan that
reflects their personal experiences, articulates a positive vision of their fu-ture,
problem solves around current issues, and identifies potential barri-ers.
The emerging young adult takes ownership of their plan because it is
developed by them, not for them.
By the end of the workshop participants will have:
• Gained a clearer understanding of transition-related issues as they relate
to young adults with severe emotional disturbance and/or substance abuse
issues;
• Examined the delivery of child and adult mental health services;
• Explored the laws, policies, and procedures that govern decisions made
across multiple service sectors (education, employment, mental health,
child welfare, juvenile justice, public health, housing, etc.);
• Developed a Futures Ready! transition plan using a CFT approach that is
youth-driven and family/caregiver-guided, with cross-systems agencies
including school-staff involved.
Want to Host the Workshop?
Thanks to a grant from the NC Division of Mental Health, Developmental
Disabilities, and Substance Abuse Services, NC Families United, (National
Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health) is pleased to offer Futures
Ready throughout the state as a free resource to youth, families, and cross-system
agencies to improve transition outcomes.
For more information on hosting this workshop in your area contact:
Damie Jackson-Diop, Youth Transition Program Director, North Carolina
Families United, NFFCMH, Inc. (damiejack@gmail.com; phone: 919/675-
1737), visit www.ncfamiliesunited.org or join NC Families United on Facebook.
Workshop At-A-Glance
The Futures Ready workshop requires at least six participants
representative of these three groups:
• Young Adults ages 14-26 with severe emotional disturbances
and/or co-occurring disabilities or who struggle with mental
wellness issues;
• Families/Caregivers or natural supports of transition-aged
young adult who support them in transition preparedness
activities;
• Cross-System Agency Staff (including school staff) who are
involved in the health/education for young adults under and
over the age of 18 who struggle with mental wellness, students
receiving special education services under Individuals with
Disabilities Education Act (IDEA 2004), or currently served
under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.
The workshop consists of three parts which can be delivered in
2-3 days over the course of 1-2 weeks. Parts one and two are
delivered to each group separately. For part three, participants
join together to enable each young adult participating in the
training to leave with a transition plan in hand.
6
Parenting the hormonally challenged:
Foster and adopted teens and sexuality by Denise Goodman, PhD
Many parents feel overwhelmed
or tentative about the prospect
of dealing with their teenager’s
emerging sexuality. For many fos-ter,
relative, and adoptive parents,
this task is complicated by the
fact that the youth may have been
sexually abused as a younger
child. The following provide a
good foundation for parenting
teens around sexuality issues:
1. Be comfortable with your
own sexuality and theirs, too.
Too often, adults are paralyzed
when it comes to discussing
sexuality with teens. Teens are
sexual beings and since birth
have been growing sexually as
well as cognitively, physically, so-cially,
morally, and emotionally.
However, the influx of hormones
and the onset of puberty put
sexual growth in the forefront of
the youth’s developmental pro-cesses.
While there are many
“normal” behaviors during this
stage, promiscuity, sexual aggres-sion,
and gender identity issues
may be signals that the youth is
dealing with past abuse issues.
2. Build trust: Teens who have
been sexually abused often lack
basic trust in adults. They may
be scared of the dark, the bath-room,
the basement, or a medi-cal
examination. It is critical that
parents be supportive by accom-panying
the teen to the doctor’s
office or by installing night lights
(without drawing attention to the
teen’s fear). Teenagers need to
know that they can count on con-sistency,
honesty and support
from their parents to make them
feel safe and secure.
3. Set clear boundaries: Sexu-ally
abused youth have had their
basic physical boundaries vio-lated.
Foster, relative, and adop-tive
parents must work to restore
them. Clear boundaries that ap-ply
to all family members must
be set for dress, privacy, and
physical touch:
DRESS: Examples for dress
are that every family member
must be covered when coming out
of the bathroom or bedroom, no
coming to breakfast in your un-derwear,
and the youth can’t see
company without proper cloth-ing.
Encouragement during shop-ping
trips can assist in more
appropriate clothing selections.
PRIVACY: Examples for re-es-tablishing
a sense of privacy are
knocking or warning before en-tering
bedrooms and bathrooms
and making rules about when it’s
okay to close doors. Another rule
of privacy is that no one listens
to another’s phone conversations
or opens another’s mail.
PHYSICAL TOUCH: Parents
must approach physical touch
with caution, and caregivers
should avoid any contact that
could be misconstrued as abuse.
The parent should gain the teen’s
permission to hug or touch him
or her. Rules for touch should
generally be that “ok” touches are
above the shoulder and below the
knee, and the youth should have
the power to decline any physi-cal
affection or touch.
4. Learn to talk with teens
about sex: To assist youth in
dealing with their victimization or
to support their normal develop-ment,
use the correct language
and not slang names or euphe-misms.
Parents who avoid con-versations
about sexuality force
teens to learn from unreliable and
inaccurate sources such as their
peers, siblings, or the media. Par-ents
can think about the five
toughest questions they could be
asked and prepare answers so
that if the opportunity presents
itself, they’ll be prepared.
5. Educate the youth: It is
important to give teenagers ac-curate
information about sex,
sexuality, and human reproduc-tion.
This may be difficult for
parents who may feel education
will lead to sexual intercourse
and experimentation. However,
teens need information, not ta-boos.
Sexually abused children
need to learn about the emotional
side of sex, as they have been pre-maturely
exposed to the physi-cal
side of sex. Both boys and
girls need to learn about birth
control and sexually transmitted
diseases. Parents can seek help
from community agencies such
as Planned Parenthood and Fam-ily
Planning.
6. Use the “3 C���S” in an emer-gency:
It is not uncommon for a
parent to encounter a “sexual
situation” that involves their teen.
Consequently, all parents must be
prepared to handle these incidents
as therapeutically as possible.
CALM: Remain calm while
confronting the situation, even if
it requires getting calm or faking
calm. When parents are in con-trol
of themselves, they are able
to use more effective strategies
to handle the situation.
CONFRONT: Confront any
unacceptable behaviors. This in-formation
should be given spe-cifically
and gently without threat-ening
or shaming. Too many
times parents say, “Don’t do that”
or “Stop it” without being spe-cific.
Teens can become confused
or ashamed if they are not con-fronted
directly and supportively.
CORRECT: Since a teen’s be-havior
is purposeful, offer the
youth a substitute behavior to use
when the need arises. Suggest
more acceptable and appropri-ate
alternatives. When the youth
uses the alternative behavior, give
positive reinforcement.
7. Advocate: Parents must ad-vocate
for the needs of their chil-dren.
Teens who have been sexu-ally
victimized may need a vari-ety
of services; therefore, the par-ent
should advocate with the so-cial
worker, agency, or the men-tal
health center until the services
are in place. This may mean that
the parent calls every week or even
every day and leaves messages.
The parent may need to contact
managers or administrators to
obtain services for their teen. In
other words, ask until you get
what you need for your child.
Conclusion
Sexuality is a normal part of
human growth and development.
Every teen, including you and
me, struggled to figure out who
we were as sexual beings. Today’s
teens are bombarded with sexual
stimuli in music, on TV, in the
movies, and on the radio.
Coupled with a past history of
sexual abuse, it can be a daunt-ing
task for a teen to come to
terms with who they are sexu-ally.
Be supportive and
understanding...and remember, a
sense of humor goes a long way.
Denise Goodman, PhD is an adoption
consultant and trainer with 25 years ex-perience
in child welfare, protective ser-vices,
and foster parenting. She currently
conducts workshops and consultations
throughout the U.S. on topics related to
foster care and adoption. E-mail:
dagphd@aol.com
All teens struggle to figure out
who they are as sexual beings.
Foster and adoptive parents
must be ready to guide and
support them.
New USDHHS Memo on LGBTQ Youth in Foster Care
The federal Children’s Bureau’s new memorandum on lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth in foster care encourages child
welfare agencies, foster and adoptive parents, and others to ensure that all children
are protected and supported while they are in foster care. The memo includes
information on workforce development; biological, relative legal guardian, foster
and adoptive parent training, support and recruitment; and safety of young people
in foster care who are LGBTQ. It also highlights resources from the National
Resource Center for Permanency and Family Connections and AdoptUsKids. You
can find it at: http://tinyurl.com/3grtdlt.
7
Books for kids—and parents—about puberty by Becky and Joe Burmester
Help! I’m blushing!
OK, I’ll be serious. In this issue we’re go-ing
to consider books on puberty. It has been
many long years since Joe and I survived
puberty ourselves, and many years since we
survived our oldest children’s puberty. As
veteran foster parents—including several
years fostering teens and preteens—reading
about this topic brought back many memo-ries
(only some of which were fond).
Why do young people in foster care need
to read and to learn about the issues of
puberty? Because knowledge is power, and
kids in care need every bit of power they can
grasp.
So I hit the library ready to read, read,
and read some more. I used the following
questions to help me measure the worth of
each book:
Is it interesting to me? What age person
is the book written for? Would the target
audience actually read the book? Would they
learn anything? Would parents have anything
to talk about as a result of reading this
book? Are the important topics covered (that
is, is this more than a sex ed lesson?)? And,
finally, how “white” is the book? Because
Joe and I are raising children of a different
race, I have become ever more conscious of
diversity issues in illustrations and text.
Here are some books for you to consider.
Your Body Belongs to You
This book is suitable for
children as young as
three. You might have a
difficult time engaging
children older than nine
or ten unless there were
younger children present,
since this is a picture
book. The illustrations are racially diverse
and the text is simple. The message of safe
and appropriate touch is one that many chil-dren
in care have not learned or experienced.
Using this book as a frequent bed time story
could be very empowering for children
who’ve been abused. It would provide the
opportunity to talk about being safe.
It’s Perfectly Normal
Updated for the 21st cen-tury
and marketed for
ages 10 and up, this
book looks like a picture
book from the outside
and a bit like a graphic
novel on the inside. It is
a comprehensive book
for boys and girls. A young person with read-ing
issues might be overwhelmed by the
amount of text, but then again is any topic
more riveting than sex? The book is a favor-ite
of children’s experts and librarians, with
endorsements from T. Berry Brazelton,
Planned Parenthood, and the National Urban
League. The illustrations are very ethnically
diverse. Parents, you might even learn a thing
or two if you read the book cover to cover.
Ready, Set, Grow!
Targeted toward younger girls. My 8-year-old
daughter, who is defi-nitely
entering puberty
and who is a great
reader, will tackle this
book on her own and
then we’ll talk about it.
The illustrations indi-cate
the wide variations
in how developing girls look and are ethni-cally
diverse as well.
The Care and Keeping of You
I was prepared to love this
American Girl publication. If
my daughter were white, I
probably would love it. But,
by page 16 when I was read-ing
about the importance of
clean hair and learning that
I may need to wash my hair
several times a week, I concluded that this
book was too “white” for my African Ameri-can
daughter. There are different ethnicities
represented in the illustrations, but when
push comes to shove I felt whites had the
upper hand. The book might be diverse
enough for a child of color being raised in a
same-race family. My children’s world is
already too white.
The What’s Happening to My Body?
Book for Boys
First published in 1983 and
regularly revised, this is the
book we used to open the
puberty conversation with
our son, who is now 29. I
personally wish there were
more information/explana-tion
of birth control and ab-stinence.
However, the book
does a good job addressing a lot of issues
young males find hard to talk about.
These are the books on my nightstand.
What are you reading that might help foster
parents? Let me know! (919/870-9968;
becky.burmester@mindspring.com).
Books on the Nightstand
Sheba: Home Is Where the Heart Is
Joe and I were rather slow at recognizing the struggles our
Forever Children (by birth and adoption) had with being a
foster family. We expected our children to share their home
and their parents with others on a full time basis for as
long as those children needed to be part of our family. The
permanent members of our family sometimes struggled
with why the temporary members behaved as they did.
There have also been issues about understanding different
life experiences.
If your family has some of these same issues, Sheba:
Home Is Where the Heart Is, by Midge Noble, might be a
story you would want to read as a family. My husband
travels a lot for work, so he missed this story. It was
evening reading for our son (age 10), our daughter (age 8)
and a daughter of one of our former foster daughters, also age 8.
Told in eight chapters, this story is about Sheba, a young dog that survives abuse
and neglect and is adopted by a young woman who understands her and accepts her
fears and mistrust. The author is a therapist who works with children and families
dealing with abuse, neglect, loss, foster care, and adoption.
My young audience was captivated by Sheba’s story and very concerned for her
well being. After finishing the story we talked about how Sheba had some of the
same kinds of experiences that some of our foster children have had. This is a story
that could be used to open a very helpful family dialogue.
North Carolina Foster Care Facts
Puberty is an issue for children in foster care. On
March 31, 2011, 57% of young people in care in
our state were between the ages of 6 and 17.
8
Turning our busy bees into worker bees by Trishana Jones
Studies show that many youth who age out
of foster care experience high unemployment
and unstable employment patterns. The NC
LINKS program strives to address this is-sue
by providing services so that all youth
leaving the foster care system have sufficient
economic resources to meet their daily needs.
Cultivating a Work Ethic
Caregivers are in a perfect position to teach
young people what it means to work. In ac-tuality,
the notion of work is first introduced
into the lives of children and youth as chores
around the house.
Cleaning up one’s personal space, wash-ing
dishes, sweeping, and mopping the floor
are aspects of work done at home as well as
at places of businesses such as banks, res-taurants,
etc. Caregivers, like workplace su-pervisors,
will usually demonstrate how they
want a chore completed and then ensure the
child successfully finishes the task. Delegat-ing
age- and ability-appropriate chores is a
good way to teach children about personal
responsibility and basic cleanliness and to
establish a work ethic.
A work ethic is a set of values a person
applies to completing a job or range of du-ties.
A work ethic can consist of values such
as being dependable, punctual, taking ini-tiative,
and asking questions to get a job
done correctly. Building up a child’s work
ethic can influence how they handle other
interests, such as playing on a pee-wee foot-ball
team or learning to ride a bicycle.
Work Experience Resources
By the time children reach school-age, teach-ers
revisit the concept of work by asking the
probing question: “What do you want to be
when you grow up?” Children often respond
with answers such as fireman, doctor, law-yer,
nurse, teacher, or basketball player. How-ever,
the world’s economy and technology
have evolved and, in turn, diversified the types
of careers available to today’s youth.
All caregivers should introduce young
people to good work skills and provide them
with the information and experiences they
need to select a possible career as they ap-proach
young adulthood. Resources that may
prove helpful in this task include:
• Volunteerism: Foster and adoptive
parents can volunteer with their children
at an rescue animal shelter, senior living
facilities, homeless shelters, or hospitals
and use the experience as an opportunity
to donate time to their community and
simultaneously expose the children to
different types of careers.
• Job Shadowing: Some public school
systems participate in job shadowing,
which immerses youth in the world of
work and provides first-hand experience
for certain job skills and careers. Call
your local school system to find out if it
offers a job shadowing program to its
students. There are also online resources
such as North Carolina’s Futures for
Kids (www.f4k.org) and Florida’s Virtual
Mentor (www.virtual-mentor.net) that
allow youth to ask professionals
questions about their careers. Junior
Achievement (www.ja.org), is a
nationwide resource for job shadowing
information for children of all school
ages.
• Page Programs: North Carolina’s high
school students are able to observe the
lawmaking process and gain job-readiness
skills as an office assistant
through page programs offered by the
Governor (http://www.volunteernc.org/
programs/), the NC State Senate (http://
www.ncga.state.nc.us/senate/pages/), and
the House (http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/
house/pages/home.html). In addition to
building work skills, the Page experience
is held in high regard on college
applications.
• Summer Jobs: The YMCA, YWCA, local
governments, and nonprofits in your area
may operate summer employment
programs to help eligible teenagers and
young adults acquire job skills and gain
paid work experience. These programs
are usually advertised each year in
February or March.
• Apprenticeships: For
youth interested
in professions
requiring specific
hands-on skills
not obtainable in
a four-year college,
apprenticeships are
feasible alternatives.
Some apprenticeship
programs are housed in secondary (high
school) and postsecondary settings.
Cabinetmakers, automobile upholster-ers,
and alteration tailors are among the
thousand-plus occupations available for
apprenticeship under the NC Department
of Labor Apprenticeship and Training
Bureau (www.nclabor.com/appren/
students.htm).
• Internships: Internships present young
adults the chance to perform in-depth,
professional tasks in their career of
interest. Career placement centers at
colleges and universities are the standard
clearinghouse for many listings of
internships from numerous companies
and organizations nationwide. A program
coordinated by the NC Youth Advocacy &
Involvement Office is the State
Government Internship Program (http://
www.doa.state.nc.us/yaio/interns.htm),
which employs undergraduate, graduate,
and law school students in a variety of
departments of state government for 10
weeks in the summer.
Trishana Jones, MSW, is a child advocate with the NC Youth
Advocacy & Involvement Office
Preparing Youth in Foster Care for Employment
Child welfare professionals, employers, and foster
parents can take the following steps to safeguard the
futures of adolescents who age out of foster care:
• Ensure they have stable living arrangements.
• Ensure that no child leaves the system without a
lifelong connection to a committed, caring adult.
• Prior to emancipation, youths should understand
their rights and the process by which the court can
ensure maximum privacy of juvenile records. Youth
also need training in how to handle past legal issues
when completing job applications.
• Every youth, beginning at age 12 and no later than
14, needs to have a comprehensive transition plan
that is updated annually. Team members must be
accountable for achieving plan goals.
• A transition plan should include a workforce
preparation package to prepare youth for
employment. This package should include a
progressive program of job tours, job shadowing
and mentoring, vigorous outreach to engage youth
in opportunities for internships and volunteer
experiences, and opportunities and support for part-time
work beginning no later than age 16 and
continuing through their emancipation from care.
• Provide information to employers, particularly small
businesses, on potential tax credits as an incentive
for hiring foster youth.
• Engage employers as partners with foster youth in
such roles as mentor, tutor, and job coach.
• Provide bus passes for foster youth who are in school
and/or employed. Determine requirements for
school, training, and work attendance associated
with receiving the bus pass.
• Develop support networks for emancipated youth
through age 24.
• Establish reasonable, flexible guidelines and a
simplified “exception” process for safety and
supervision of youth participating in age-appropriate
independent activities (e.g. cooking, laundry, work
experience, after-school sports, clubs).
Source: Lewis, L. (2004, Summer). Getting the Job Done: Effec-tively
Preparing Foster Youth for Employment. Foundation
Consortium for California’s Children & Youth. Sacramento
CA. <http://tinyurl.com/69vpnyr>
9
Kids’ Page Words and Pictures by and for Children in Foster Care Vol. 15, No. 2 • May 2011
How our caregivers can help us succeed as adults
In the last issue we asked young
people in foster care “What can
your caregivers do to help you
succeed when it is time for you to
live as an independent adult?”
Here’s what they had to say.
—John McMahon, Editor
2
1
Photo Illustration
How My Caregiver Can Help Me Succeed
In the seven years that I have been in foster care and all the
homes I’ve been in, a foster parent said something that made
me realize I can be anybody I want to be as long as I keep
trying and don’t give up. That parent said, “You can’t change
the past and erase the pain but you can change your future and
prove to people that you can become more of a successful
person than they said you would be.” She showed me the love
I needed to keep moving, she helped me look for jobs, helped
me manage my money, and took me to see different colleges.
A person that cares about you will take their time to help you
succeed—all you have to do is listen and apply the words of
encouragement and wisdom that they offer to you because
nobody that cares about you will tell you wrong. Just
remember: never give up! —Arlene, age 17
My foster mom can help me with my work to be prepared for
college. She can be there when I need something. She can
teach me how to be responsible. . . . When I can’t understand
my work, she helps me. She can cheer me up when I’m sad.
And she can teach me the facts of life. She always makes sure
I’m safe. When I grow up she can teach me how to be a
responsible adult. —Luckeya, age 10
She can help me with my school work. . . . She can teach me
how to count money, and cook, do chores in my house. She
can teach me how to be cautious, and respectful, careful. . . .
She can teach me the facts about the world.
—Diamond, age 9
What can caregivers do to help me succeed? Help me get my
anger out and all the stress I have about what I went through in
my life with me seeing my mom, sister, and brother go through
a whole lot. I just want to see my mom not going through all
the pain without me there. I want to get help with my mood
swings . . . . I want to get all the help I can.
—Kianta
Give me support, knowledge, and help me accomplish the
short-term goals . . . . Support doesn’t just mean saying “I’m
here for you.” It means you take the time to listen to the child
and his or her hopes and dreams and goals and figure out what
you as an adult can do to help them move closer to that.
—Porsha, age 18
The young people above received $15
for having their letters published
Help me learn
to budget and
choose the
right college.
We make
mistakes
sometimes,
but that’s
how we learn.
I learned you
don’t have to
be blood
relatives to
be a family.
Lauren, age 17
I describe LIFE as Living, Independent, Fun, Everlast-ing.
Yes, unfortunately we all are going to have struggles
and days where we need a helping hand.
For one, my caregiver can help me with budgeting. Bud-geting
is a very important thing to look forward to and
know about. You need to learn how to budget and pay
your bills. Learning to spend your money wisely is good as well. And you should
want your credit to look good when buying a house, car, etc.
For two, my caregiver can help me choose the right college for me and [help me
understand] how a college program works. Something nice to do is go and tour a
college that’s in your best interest....
Third, teach us about making sure you go to your appointments. And learning
how to set up your dentist appointment, eye appointment, etc. Missing your doc-tor
appointments is not great at all because you want to be healthy. If you have
insurance or Medicaid, don’t abuse it.
Fourth, teach us RESPECT and how to control our attitude, rude comments,
negativity, etc. Because you will get nowhere in life if you have a negative personal-ity
towards others. No one would want to hire you for a job if you are negative
towards any and everyone.
Overall, basically, our caregivers can help us learn and achieve a lot until our
independent adulthood. Our caregivers are a big help to us and we should appre-ciate
their help. Lauren received $100 for winning first prize.
Leon, age 16
Remind the young adult to keep God in their daily walk.
Next, the caregivers should always give that young adult all
the support that they can....The caregivers should remind
them that things may not work out as planned but to hang
in there through all the curve balls that this old tough world
will throw at them....
Teach the young adult about finances before the young
adult leaves home: budgeting, saving, keeping good credit, managing money, etc.
One of the vital things for parents not to do is try to rule the young adult’s life.
Life is all about trial and error, so the young adult will make mistakes sometimes,
but that’s how we learn—on our own.
Just because we turn 18 doesn’t mean we’re gone out of parents’ lives forever.
Remind them that college, marriage, and grandkids come after that.
Never, never abandon the young adult. The world starts with family and it’ll end
with family. Leon received $50 for winning second prize.
Christina, age 10
I will soon have to leave foster care and start my indepen-dent
life as a mature adult. When that day comes I won’t
ask much from my foster parents, but what I will ask of
them is to support my future decisions and to share all
the times we had together....
They took me under their wing and taught me so many
things. The most important thing was that: you’re only as tall as your heart will
let you be, and you’ll be as small as the world will make you seem! I learned that
you don’t have to be blood relatives to be a family. I’ll take their advice and use it to
pursue my dreams and conquer my fears. Christina received $25 for winning third prize.
3
10
Membership is open to anyone interested in strengthening foster and adoptive services in North Carolina.
Send this form, with payment (DO NOT send cash), to: NCFAPA, 2609 ATLANTIC AVE., SUITE 105, RALEIGH, NC
27604. Make checks payable to the NC FOSTER AND ADOPTIVE PARENT ASSOCIATION.
Regular Membership is open to any foster or adoptive parent and is $50 for an individual and $75 for a
couple. Associate Membership ($100 for an individual and $300 for an organization) is available to those
who do not qualify for Regular Membership.
First name #1: ______________________________ First name #2: ________________________________
Last name: _______________________________________________________________________________
Address: _________________________________________________________________________________
City: ______________________________________ State: __________ Zip: _________________________
County: ____________________________________ Licensing Agency: _____________________________
Home phone: ( ) _______________________ E-mail: _____________________________________
Membership Amt. included: __________________ Donation Amt.: _______________________________
Join the Association!
Visit the Association’s Web Site at <www.ncfapa.org>
From the Association’s President
by Stacey Darbee
Greetings from NCFAPA! I would like to take an
opportunity this issue to introduce the North Caro-lina
Foster and Adoptive Parent Association to those
who do not yet know us and to help everyone understand what
NCFAPA is and does. NCFAPA is a 501 (c) 3 association (recog-nized
by the federal government as a not-for-profit). Our mission is
to promote quality foster and adoptive services through collabora-tive
advocacy, education, resources, reunification efforts, and net-working.
Board and Staff Members
We are a volunteer led organization. The NCFAPA Board of Direc-tors
is a working board (rather than a governing or policy board).
Board members do the organization’s work, participating in pro-gram,
fund-raising, and administrative activities. Our board is com-prised
entirely of foster (current or former) parents and adoptive
parents. To serve its members, NCFAPA is divided into four re-gions,
with four board members from each region. We also have
several ex-officio (nonvoting) members on our board. At present
NCFAPA has only one part-time staff person for a part of the year.
Funding
Funding for NCFAPA comes through a grant from the NC Division
of Social Services within the NC Department of Health and Human
Resources, and from memberships, donations, and other small
grants. We have a physical address in Raleigh but our actual offices
are virtual (offices or kitchen tables in our homes). Phones ring in
our homes and in our cars.
The Future
This Fostering Perspectives issue focuses on preparing youth for
the future. NCFAPA, too, is looking at transitioning to the next
phase. We have primarily been known as the group that puts on a
heckuva great conference every spring. Foster parents receive their
entire year’s worth of educational hours for re-licensing as well as
• Does your child have special needs?
• Do you need help finding information,
resources, and services?
• Do you want to know more about a
special need, disability, or diagnosis?
The Family Support Network of North
Carolina is made up of local affiliates and
a University Office providing:
• Information & Referral
• Education & Outreach
• Parent-to-Parent Support
• Research & Evaluation
800.852.0042, www.fsnnc.org
Hablamos español
Serving families since 1985 through a network of affiliated local programs
NC Foster and Adoptive Parent Association
the opportunity to gain knowledge and support
from parents all across our state.
The annual conference is a great event, yet
NCFAPA does a lot of other things, too. We an-swer
phone calls and emails in support of myriad
questions/problems from our families. We ad-vocate
tirelessly on many fronts for North
Carolina’s foster and adoptive families.
In the future, NCFAPA’s priority goal is to set
up a mentor program and support team throughout the state. We
believe that this is an essential aspect of service to our members,
especially in today’s climate.
So, next year the conference may not be quite as grand, but be
assured that we are exploring other options to offer you resources,
advocacy, and education through our mentor and support team.
Although economic times are very tough, NCFAPA will remain true
to our mission. As with any group or cause we are only as strong
as our members so please strongly consider joining us now!
2011 Conference
We held our 13th Annual Education Conference in Charlotte in April:
Peace, Love & Family….Growing Groovy Families! We had so
much fun with this theme and our participants loved it. Gracias,
merci, danke, thank you to all of our PRESENTERS!
Also, congratulations to award winners Alex and Sandra Wisnoski
(Foster Parents of the Year) and Billy Maddalon & Brooks Shelley
(Adoptive Parents of the Year).
Legislative Awareness Day
Come and make a difference on May 19, 2011 as we facilitate Leg-islative
Awareness Day at the General Assembly! Check out the
website www.ncfapa.org for more details. Anyone can make a dif-ference.
We will have all the materials you will need. It’s not hard at
all and we will even be giving mini-advocacy training sessions at the
building. Do not let the rule makers and financial decision makers
forget or misunderstand our children and families!
Have a great spring! NCFAPA hopes to see you soon!
NCFAPA’s
priority goal
will be setting
up a statewide
mentor program
and support
team.
11
Fostering a supportive community by Belinda Hogstrom
“Wow, you’re a foster parent?! I could never
do that!” People say that to me all the time!
While it’s true that not everyone can be-come
a foster parent, it is true that “It takes
a village to raise a child.”
Foster families can’t do it by themselves.
Everyone in the community can support chil-dren
in care and their foster parents by open-ing
their hearts, using their skills, and shar-ing
their life.
Here are suggestions for things people who
are not foster parents CAN do . . .
1. Welcome. Help welcome a child in foster
care into your circle of friends by hosting
a welcome party or picnic. If it’s a baby,
host a baby shower. Offer to bring meals,
just as you would for the family of a
newborn. These acts of love speak
volumes to the child and foster parents!
2. Drive. Many agencies need people to
drive children to various appointments.
Appointments could be visits with birth
family or medical or dental visits. Call
local agencies to see if this is a need in
your area.
You can also offer to drive children in
care to activities your own children
participate in (youth groups, sports
teams, extracurricular activities, etc.).
3. Advocate. Become a Guardian ad Litem.
GALs are volunteers who work with the
court to ensure children are not lost in
the system and their needs are met and
voices heard. To learn more visit
<www.nccourts.org/Citizens/GAL/>.
4. Mentor. Offer to teach a child in foster
care a skill or hobby. Older youths may
need to learn basic life skills like
budgeting, cooking, opening a bank
account, filling out a job application, etc.
Become a Big Brother or Sister—either
formally or informally. Spending time
with a child makes a difference!
5. Hire. Some youth have trouble finding
work due to the stigma of being a “foster
kid.” Reach out to these young people
and provide them with work experience.
6. Shop. Many children in care need school
supplies, shoes, clothes, or even toys
or art supplies. Suitcases are often
needed. When I cared for newborn twins,
my friend went grocery shopping for me.
What a help that was!
7. Give. Share some of your children’s
extra toys, games, and stuffed animals.
One of my son’s most prized
possessions were donated books. My
daughter treasured her second-hand bike.
Skilled professionals, such as music
instructors and hair stylists, can donate
services, letting children enjoy “extras”
they might not otherwise experience.
Financial gifts can provide scholar-ships
for extras that are difficult for
foster parents to afford: sports teams,
summer camps, music lessons, art and
dance classes, club uniforms, school
pictures, field trips, etc. My 12-year-old
begged to go to camp with his church
youth group (where he made some life-changing
decisions!).
At Christmas time, consider providing
a small amount of cash or a gift card to
children in care so they can purchase
gifts for their family.
8. Tutor. For various reasons, children in
foster care often struggle in school. A few
hours of consistent tutoring can make a
big difference in their academic success.
9. Include. When planning family outings,
parties, or game nights, invite children
in care who are close in age to your own
children to join in.
It’s especially important for extended
family members to help children in care
feel included as part of the family. Treat
them as you would your other
grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. I love
to hear children I foster calling my
parents “grandma and grandpa”!
10. Recognize. Children in foster care want
and deserve to be recognized for their
accomplishments. Attend their music
recitals, sporting events, awards
ceremonies, and graduations.
11. Celebrate. Host a party and make a big
deal of a child’s birthday. Some may have
never had a birthday party before.
12. Share. Give older children a chance to
share their cultural heritage. Also, share
your special cultural traditions and
celebrations with children who share
your ethnicity or religious background.
13. Scrapbook. Help children create a “Life
Book” with pictures of their birth
families and relatives, foster families,
and baby pictures. For children who
move multiple times, this may be their
only connection with their childhood.
Amazingly, the pictures I took of my 15-
year old foster son were the first
childhood pictures he ever had.
14. Respite. Get your foster care license and
provide respite care to long-term foster
families. Many children in care cannot
leave the state, so foster families can’t
take them on vacation. And sometimes
foster families just need a short break
to rest, reconnect with their spouse, and
focus on their biological children.
For children with special needs or
medical concerns, get training on how
to care for them. When the foster parents
need a break, want a date-night, or have
a commitment with their other children,
it is a huge help to have babysitting
options.
15. Ask. Feel free to ask children how they
are doing, and if there is anything they
need. Ask the foster parents as well.
Even if there is nothing specific needed,
sometimes it helps to know someone is
interested and willing to listen.
16. Respect. (I purposely listed this one
following “ask.”) Respect the children’s
privacy by not asking personal questions
about their past. It is their story to tell
if and when they want to share it. Respect
them by treating them as normal kids.
17. Remember. When a child you know is
getting ready to move—either to another
foster home or back to the biological
family—have a special time of saying
good-bye, write notes of blessing on their
continued journey, or just let them know
how thankful you are that you got to
know them.
18. Love! Some children in foster care have
experienced things you wouldn’t believe.
Demonstrating love to them through
words and deeds is so important. Your
love may be exactly what they need to
heal and flourish.
The next time I hear someone say, “I could
never be a foster parent,” I just might reply,
“Maybe. But here are some things that you
CAN do.”
Belinda Hogstrom has been a foster parent since 1995
and is currently serving in Wake County, NC.
Getting Started
Some of these suggestions
are things you can take
action on right away.
For others, such as
providing transporta-tion
or donating gifts,
it will be important to
work closely with foster care agencies. Use the fol-lowing
links to contact agencies in your area:
• NC County DSS Agencies
<www.ncdhhs.gov/dss/local/>
• NC Private Child-Placing Agencies
<www.ncdhhs.gov/dss/licensing/docs/
cpalistfostercare.pdf>
• NC Foster and Adoptive Parent Association
<www.ncfapa.org>
12
Fostering Perspectives Vol. 15, No. 2 (May 2011)
Copyright © 2011 by UNC-CH
Sponsors. NC Division of Social Services, the NC Foster and
Adoptive Parent Association, SaySo (Strong Able Youth Speaking
Out), and the Family and Children’s Resource Program, part of
the UNC–Chapel Hill School of Social Work’s Jordan Institute for
Families.
Contact Us. Fostering Perspectives, c/o John McMahon,
Jordan Institute for Families, 1459 Sand Hill Road, No. 6 (DSS),
Candler NC 28715. Tel: 828/670-5051; Fax: 828/670-5053;
E-mail: jdmcmaho@unc.edu.
Advisory Board. R. Patrick Betancourt (NC Division of Social
Services); Becky Burmester (foster and adoptive parent); Nancy
Carter (Independent Living Resources); Stacey Darbee (NC Foster
& Adoptive Parent Assoc.); Lana Dial (Administrative Office of the
Courts); Sue Dickinson; Trishana Jones (NC Youth Advocacy &
Involvement Office); Karen LeClair (Family Support Program);
Nicole Lyght (SaySo); Co-Wefa Lyda (NC Foster & Adoptive Parent
Assoc.); Marie Montague (Durham County DSS); Dwayne
Wakefield (SaySo); Robyn Weiser (NC Kids/NC Division of Social
Services); Lauren Zingraff (Independent Living Resources).
Newsletter Staff. John McMahon (Editor); Mellicent Blythe
(Assistant Editor)
Mission. Fostering Perspectives exists to promote the professional
development of North Carolina’s child welfare professionals and
foster, kinship, and adoptive parents and to provide a forum where
the people involved in the child welfare system in our state can
exchange ideas.
Disclaimer. The opinions and beliefs expressed herein are not
necessarily those of the NC Division of Social Services or the UNC–
Chapel Hill School of Social Work.
Printing Information. The NC Department of Health and
Human Services does not discriminate on the basis of race, color,
national origin, sex, religion, age, or disability in employment or
the provision of services. 10,900 copies printed at a cost of
$4,215.80, or $0.39 per copy.
Frequency and Distribution. Issues appear every May and
November. Printed copies are sent directly to all NC county DSS
agencies and to all foster parents and child-placing agencies li-censed
through the NC Division of Social Services. If you think
you should be receiving a printed copy but are not, please con-tact
us at the address above.
Online. www.fosteringperspectives.org
Subscribe Online. To be notified when online issues appear,
send e-mail to jdmcmaho@unc.edu with “FP subscribe” in the
subject line.
References. See the online version of this issue for references
cited in this issue.
A reader asks ...
Is it hard to find adoptive homes for
teens?
I see many older children on the NC Kids website. Is it hard to find
adoptive homes for teenagers?
Everyone
involved with
waiting children
must continue
to help identify
caring adults
that can commit
to these young
people.
Finding adoptive homes for older kids
can be a challenge. Oftentimes, a worker
or adoption committee might look for
families with approved adoption home
studies that are interested in adopting
teens in general, but do not know the
specific children involved. Many adop-tion
specialists are now taking a closer
look at people who already have a rela-tionship
with the teen and may be open
to adopting that specific child.
Family Finding
There are numerous places to explore
when looking for someone who can
make a lifelong commitment to a teen-ager.
In North Carolina, several coun-ties
(Buncombe, Catawba, Gaston,
Mecklenburg, New Hanover, and Wake)
are involved with a pilot program called
Family Finding. Family Finding consult-ants
work diligently to identify and lo-cate
30 or more extended family mem-bers
for a specific child. The consult-ants
evaluate each person’s ability and
willingness to support waiting children
either through placement or in other
ways. Child welfare agencies across the
nation are having success achieving per-manency
through similar programs.
Even in counties without Family
Finding consultants, it is worth the ef-fort
to reconsider maternal and pater-nal
family members who may have pre-viously
been ruled out. Family mem-bers
who were unable to care for a child
at an earlier age may have had a change
in their situation that would now allow
them to be an appropriate parent to a
teenager. The teenager may also be at a
different developmental stage that might
allow them to be a better match for a
particular relative.
Exploring the Possibilities
Foster parents make up a large percent-age
of adoptive families nationwide, and
North Carolina is no exception. Each
year, hundreds of foster parents adopt
waiting children. While adoption isn’t
for everyone, current and former foster
parents should always be considered
for permanency.
Adoption workers can explore school
personnel with whom the child is par-ticularly
close to. This could include
teachers and support
staff such as teaching
assistants, cafeteria
staff, bus drivers,
counselors or aca-demic
tutors. As
some foster children
move frequently, this
search should include
not only current
school staff, but edu-cation
professionals from previous
schools or day care facilities the teen might
use during school breaks.
Other resources to consider are people
who know the young person from provid-ing
support services. While it is unlikely
that a teenager’s current therapist or ser-vice
providers will be able to provide a
permanent home, adoption professionals
can consider former therapists, residen-tial
treatment workers, mentors, and vol-unteers
who have worked with the teen and
still have a supportive relationship with
them. Church members are another op-tion
for some teens.
In the age of Facebook, texting, and in-stant
messaging, it seems young people
are constantly in touch with someone. One
worker recently shared that she scrolls
through her teenage clients’ cell phones
and talks with them about their friends,
their friend’s parents, and other adults
with whom the kids have a close relation-ship
and might be willing to consider pro-viding
permanency. According to Facebook
statistics, the average user has 130
“friends” (and most teens probably have
more), so it’s another list of possible place-ments
worth exploring. Even “AWOL re-sources”—
the people teenagers run to
when times get hard—should be explored.
If it is a safe, appropriate environment
and one that can be committed to a teen-ager
over the long term, this may be an
untapped resource for a waiting teen.
What You Can Do
As part of the team of professionals in-volved
in a child’s life, how can foster par-ents
help find permanency for the teens in
their life? Because foster parents spend
far more time with waiting children than
other professionals, you have a unique
insight into who teens spend their time
with and what type of support or influence differ-ent
people provide. Foster parents are encouraged
to suggest to workers any possible permanent place-ment
options they see, and allow workers time to
investigate these connections. Keep in mind that
workers may have additional information about a
particular person or something that happened in
the past that would eliminate them as a possibility.
We know that the outcomes for teens aging out of
foster care are not encouraging. Many of the chil-dren
aging out of foster care don’t complete high
school and struggle with homelessness, unemploy-ment,
arrest/legal troubles, and unplanned preg-nancy.
To avoid these outcomes, foster parents,
social workers, and those involved with waiting chil-dren
must continue to help identify caring adults
who can commit to these young people.
Response by Robyn Weiser, NC Kids Adoption and Foster Care Net-work.
If you have a question about foster care or adoption in NC, send
it to us using the contact information in the box above.
13
SaySo Board Members (and sisters!) representing
their local chapter
SaySo Birthday Cake
We’ve got a lot to celebrate
by Lauren Zingraff, SaySo Program Coordinator
SaySo celebrated its 13th birthday at our
annual “SaySo Saturday” conference. This
event is held the first Saturday of March.
This year we had 154 conference attendees
who attended many workshops, including:
• “See What a Local Chapter Can Do,” by
the Forsyth County SaySo Chapter
• “Alumni Connections,” by SaySo Alumni
and SaySo Regional Assistants
• “NC Reach/ETV Overview” by Orphan
Foundation of America and a SaySo
Board Member who shared how the
program is paying for her to attend college
• “Child and Family Team Meetings,”
facilitated by two SaySo Board Members
• “National Youth Transition Database,” by
a SaySo Board Member and Danielle
McConaga, NC Div. of Social Services
• “GALs: Can You ‘Court Speak’?” by a
SaySo Board Member and Kelly Andrews,
NC Administrative Office of the Courts
• “LINKS for You,” presented by Guilford
County LINKS Program
• An empowerment session facilitated by
SaySo Board Members
• Two workshops exclusively for young
men entitled “The Gentlemen’s Club,”
presented by Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity.
New Board Members
On SaySo Saturday regional elections are
held for the SaySo Board of Directors. The
2011-2012 Board Members elected by their
peers are as follows:
REGION 1: David R., Kelley T., Macey W.
REGION 2: Sarah F., Shaquanda, Zenobia
REGION 3: Corae H., Patrick Y., Tressina J.
REGION 4: Mandi K., Erica F., Damonique
REGION 5: Shanita G., Megan H., Sarah H.
REGION 6: Roman R., Kalyn D., Sammi C.
The above youth will be serving along with
continuing officers Marcella M. and Titianna
G., and will join outgoing members in the
SaySo Board of Directors Orientation and
Leadership Retreat on June 14-16, 2011 in
Pinehurst, NC.
SaySo Saturday serves as both our an-nual
birthday party and yearly family re-union.
We were excited this year to have spe-cial
guests from Project Life who made the
trip from Virginia to participate in the con-ference.
Project Life is a partnership with
Virginia’s Dept. of Social Services and United
Methodist Family Services for youth
transitioning out of foster care.
Birthday Cards were given and pictures
taken with our local chapters. This year we
also had thank you certificates and gift cards
for our local chapters in attendance.
Youth (and several adults) enjoyed playing
“Getting to Know All About You” BINGO in
the morning and dancing to the “Cha-Cha
Slide” at lunch. As SaySo Saturday contin-ues
to grow in size, we celebrated with TWO
birthday cakes!
SaySo would like to thank all of the youth
who came and celebrated our birthday with
us. We would also like to thank all of the
wonderful adult supporters who transported
youth to the conference and helped us
throughout the day. Special thanks to our
workshop presenters and facilitators for
their time, energy, and expertise.
We had a fun-filled and exciting day from
start to finish and look forward to seeing
many of you in March 2012 as we celebrate
our 14th Birthday!
On Their Way and OnYourWay.org
To succeed in the adult world, a young person needs marketable skills. Foster
youths are no exception. In fact, statistics of youths who have aged out of foster
care indicate these young people need marketable skills even more than those
who have families as “back up” support. Statistically and financially, it makes
sense to invest in building skills in young people today rather than pay for
rehabilitating them later as adults.
Here are two resources that will help youths get on their way!
On Their Way
On Their Way is an instructional DVD and guidebook that helps demonstrate to
caregivers what they can do on a daily basis to help guide youths (of any age) to
plan for their educational and career goals. On Their Way was created by
Independent Living Resources with National Institutes for Health funding and
foster parents’ input.
The guidebook provides additional information not covered in the DVD such
as discussion points for meals, family activities, and advanced understanding of
adolescent development. The curriculum takes caregivers through eight topics:
education, career interests, decision making, finances, getting help, staying healthy,
housing, and staying connected.
On Your Way
These categories also correspond to a free,
secure website <www.OnYourWay.org>
that offers youths age 13 and older a place
to store valuable information and provides
self-discovery activities to help youths
determine a future path. By using their own
password, youths will always be able to
obtain their history and other critical
documentation required in the adult world.
OnYourWay.org and On Their Way work in tandem, understanding the importance
of caregivers’ influence as young people move towards self-sufficiency. Adults are
encouraged to help youths work the site and complete their profile before aging
out of foster care. Foster parents set the price of On Their Way at $19.95. For more
information, call 800/820-0001 or visit www.ilrinc.com. To find these products
online at <www.ilrinc.com> search for “150B.”
SaySo Update
14
Keep your eyes open for teachable moments
Ready, Set, Fly!
In 2001 Casey Family
Programs published
Ready, Set, Fly! A
Parent’s Guide To Teaching Life Skills. This free,
accessible handbook describes practical steps foster
parents, kinship care providers, and others can take
to teach life skills in the following areas: Daily Living
Skills, Housing, Transportation & Community
Resources, Money Management, Self-Care, Social
Development, and Work & Study Skills. What’s
more, the guide specifically describes skills for
different age groups of children: ages 8-10, 11-14,
15-18, and 19 and older. You can find it online at
<www. c a s e y l i f e s k i l l s . o r g / p a g e s / r e s /
rsf%5CRSF.pdf>
Tips for Youth in Foster Care
Reprinted from CB Express, v. 11, n. 5 (June 2010)
The Foster Care and Adoption Resource Center (FCARC) has produced a series of tip sheets for youth in
foster care. The sheets are three to four pages in length in easy-to-print PDF format and include links to
book, online, and other resources. Among the titles are:
• Seeing a Mental Health Therapist
• Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Coping with Anger
• You Are Not Alone: The Sad Truth about Having
A Parent in Prison
• Keys to Independence: Finding Your First
Apartment
• Your Voice Matters: Speaking Out by Speaking
Up (Youth Advocacy)
• Sharing Your Story
• Is This Love? Teen Dating Violence
• How to Ace Your Job Interview
• Tips for Filling Out a Job Application Form
• Financial Aid Awareness Assistance and Resources
• Who Am I? Exploring Your Sexuality
• Life Books: A Creative and Fun Way to Express
Yourself
• How Career Assessments Can Help You Make
School and Career Choices
• Earning a GED or HSED
FCARC is a project of Adoption Resources of Wisconsin, Inc., Anu Family Services, and St. Aemilian-Lakeside,
Inc., in partnership with the Wisconsin Department Children and Families. FCARC staff welcome suggestions
for future tip sheets. Access their current list: www.wifostercareandadoption.org/
A teachable moment is
an unplanned event
that can be used as a
learning opportunity
for kids. They often
happen when the young
person wants, needs,
or is curious about
something. When this occurs, the parent can
open conversations to find out what their
kids are thinking and invite them to engage
in learning (CTSC, 2007). Spotting and us-ing
teachable moments is a great way to guide
a youth’s life skill development.
The following examples of teachable mo-ments
are excerpted from Ready, Set, Fly!
A Parent’s Guide To Teaching Life Skills
(Casey Family Programs, 2001).
Daily Living Skills
• There are many things our children need
to learn in order for their lives (and
ours!) to run smoothly. Meal planning,
grocery shopping, cooking, dining
etiquette, laundry, home safety: these and
many other skills are essential. Make
sure children know how a home functions
and how to contribute to maintaining a
household, so that one day they’ll be able
to run their own home.
Meal Preparation
• When you’re in the kitchen cooking and
your children come in to see what smells
so good, ask them to help you stir, mix,
taste, measure, or help in some way. Use
their natural interest to build skills!
Kitchen Clean-Up and Food Storage
• When you clean out the fridge, have your
children join you. They can “scientifically”
examine food in the refrigerator and use
their senses to see if food has gone bad.
They can read the expiration dates, look
at the food, smell the food, and then taste
the food (unless it’s unsafe).
Transportation
• Unfortunately, we often see traffic
accidents as we drive with our children.
We can use these opportunities to talk
about the importance of driving safety.
• Many youth enjoy helping with small
aspects of automobile care. Whenever
you’re washing the car, filling the gas tank,
checking the oil and tires, or cleaning
the windshield, and your youth says, ���Can
I do that?” take the time to let them help!
Saving Money
• Create incentives for savings. For
example, if your child asks to buy a pet
hamster, visit the pet store with your child
to find out the cost of the hamster, cage,
food, etc. Have your child add up these
costs and plan for how they will save at
least half the money for the pet. If they
can reach their goal, offer “matching
funds” to cover the remaining cost.
Self-care
• It’s a well-known fact that kids can be
unkind when it comes to labeling their
peers or putting them down. The next
time your child talks about a schoolmate
who isn’t liked because they “smell funny”
or are dirty, use the chance to talk with
your child about how poor hygiene can
affect our relationships with others.
Health
• When someone in your home becomes
sick with a contagious illness like a cold
or the flu, talk with everyone in the house
about how it could spread to others (by
sharing cups/utensils, sneezing, etc.).
Challenge those who aren’t sick to see if
they can avoid catching the illness by
taking precautions (handwashing, not
sharing cups, etc.).
• When your youth is worried about
something (school situation, peers,
money, fears, etc.) invite them to problem-solve
with you. Ask them to come up with
at least three ideas for dealing with the
problem they’re worried about. Then
evaluate each idea and what the likely
outcome would be. Encourage the youth
to choose a solution and try it out.
Social Development
• Unfortunately, many youths in our society
today do self-destructive things. When
your youth comes home with a story
about how someone in their school tried
to commit suicide or overdosed on
drugs, talk about the incident. Ask your
youth what they think caused that person
to act that way. Talk about the idea of
self-esteem and how people with low self-esteem
may sometimes do self-destructive
things because they don’t think they are
worth much as a person. Talk with your
youth about their self-esteem, and ask
how they would get help if feeling alone,
sad, overwhelmed, etc.
Cultural Awareness
• If your youth does something that shows
a racial prejudice, deal with it in a way
that shows it is a serious matter. For
example, if your youth calls another youth
a racial slur, try to get together with your
youth, the other youth, and the other
youth’s parents to discuss the incident.
Help your youth see that it is unacceptable
and hurts other people.
Source: Casey Family Programs, 2001
15
Help us find families for these children
For more information on these children or adoption in general, call the NC Kids Adoption and Foster Care Network at 1-877-NCKIDS-1
<www.adoptnckids.org>. When you contact NC Kids, let them know if you heard about them through Fostering Perspectives!
Adron’ (age 11)
Adron’ is funny, likes to play, and laughs easily. Affection-ate
and inquisitive, he is a capable student when focused
on the task at hand. Adron’ also likes being outside play-ing
sports or fishing. He wants a family that goes to church
and has other children that are older than him. It will be
important for him to have ongoing visits with his sibling.
Brandyn (age 11)
Brandyn is an active, curious, sensitive and full of life. He
enjoys sports, especially football, and likes to play video
games and have someone read to him. He gets extra help
at school to help him meet his full potential. He wants to
be a police officer when he grows up. Brandyn’s forever
family will need to be patient and caring, with a willing-ness
to put in the time, energy, and effort to help him overcome his difficulty
with trust. He will need to be the youngest child in his forever home.
Bryanna (age 15)
Bryanna is a sweet, funny, and engaging girl. A sociable
young lady eager to make friends, Bryanna attends regular
classes at school where she performs at grade level. She
has made tremendous progress since coming into foster
care. With continued support and stability she has the
ability to go very far in life. Bryanna needs the love, nur-turing,
encouragement, and attention that all children need. She has already
proven how much it helps her shine.
Cesar (age 10)
Cesar is a dynamic 5th grader who exhibits a mature
personality. He is nice, inquisitive, smart, and athletic.
He is very respectful to adults. Cesar speaks both En-glish
and Spanish. He enjoys a variety of activities in-cluding
basketball, football, watching movies and play-ing
board games. Cesar’s favorite subject in school is math. His dream is to be
an NFL football player when he grows up. Cesar’s ideal family will provide him
with lots of structure, stability, and positive reinforcement. Cesar will need to
be the youngest child in his adoptive home.
Christina (age 14)
Christina can be very helpful and is compassionate towards
the elderly and physically disabled children. Christina is
involved in church activities and enjoys dancing, swim-ming,
and watching movies. She is in the 8th grade and
receives extra assistance with her schoolwork. Christina
needs a patient family that can provide close supervision
and give lots of positive reinforcement. Christina has had many adults disap-point
her, and needs a family where she can be the focal point for one-on-one
attention.
Keasia (age 13)
Outgoing, creative, and intelligent, Keasia enjoys being a
Girl Scout, playing basketball and shopping. Math is her
favorite subject at school. She would like to be a hair styl-ist
when she grows up. Keasia’s biological family is very
important to her and provides her with a great deal of
support. Her forever family will need to be open to main-taining
contact with her siblings and other important family
members, including her grandmother and great-grandmother.
Martque’ll (age 13)
An active child who communicates well with adults,
Martque’ll can be very loving, charming and humorous.
He likes to give letters and drawings to those he cares
about and enjoys playing with remote control cars, riding
his bike, fishing, and playing golf. Martque’ll has a confi-dent
demeanor and feels best when he has some say in his
life. He needs a positive male figure in his life to help guide him into a success-ful
adulthood. Ongoing visits should be facilitated by Martque’ll’s new family
so he can maintain an important relationship with his sibling.
Stephone (age 12)
Stephone aspires to become a basketball player or a high
school math teacher. Although he can be quiet and reserved
in group settings, Stephone has many friends at school
and is seen as a leader amongst his peers. His foster par-ents
say he is a fine young man with lots of potential.
Stephone dreams of having a mom and dad, older sib-lings,
pets and a home in the city.
Tyler (age 15)
A charming 9th grader, Tyler is extremely artistic and cre-ative.
His favorite activities include playing video games
and listening to his MP3 player. He also enjoys skateboard-ing,
camping, and outdoor activities. Tyler would like to
be an architect when he grows up. He has frequent visits
with his siblings and great-grandmother, so his forever
family should be open to continuing those important con-nections.
He will need a two-parent family. A family with therapeutic experi-ence
committed to seeking ongoing resources for Tyler would be ideal.
Wilnisha (age 10)
Wilnisha is lovable, outgoing, and well-spoken. She
expresses her needs and wants in a positive, direct
way. Wilnisha enjoys riding her bicycle, playing video
games, and drawing. Her favorite family outing is go-ing
to the beach. She likes to watch Nick Jr. Wilnisha
does well academically and would like to pursue a
career as a lawyer. Her adoption committee hopes to
find a two-parent family that can provide a good bal-ance
of love, structure, and patience.
Makayla (age 13), Noah (age 10) and
Thomas (age 8)
Makayla, Noah, and Thomas desire a mom and dad
to adopt and accept all three of them together. Older
siblings in the home would be a plus! These siblings
want a family that will love them and that they can
love back. Each child enjoys and does well in school.
Makayla is described by those that know her as en-gaging,
confident, and assertive in her interactions;
she is quiet and thoughtful. Noah is sensitive, friendly
and somewhat shy. He does well when he has quiet time to reflect. Thomas is
outgoing, loving, and affectionate. Those that know Thomas well describe him
as playful and cooperative, a good student, and a pleasure to be around. A
perfect family for this sibling group would be parents that are ‘doers,’ that are
playful, outgoing, and will challenge and involve their children in everything.
They need a family that will express their love and commitment every single
day. Their adoption team is only considering families that have space available
to provide both of the boys their own separate bedrooms.
Writing Contest
If you are under 18 and are or have
been in foster care, please send us a
letter or short essay in response to the
following:
DEADLINE: AUGUST 2, 2011
E-mail submissions to jdmcmaho@unc.edu or mail them to:
Fostering Perspectives, NC Division of Social Services, 1459 Sand
Hill Rd., No. 6 (DSS), Candler, NC 28715. Include your name,
age, address, social security number (used to process awards only,
confidentiality will be protected) and phone number. In addition
to receiving the awards specified above, winners will have their
work published in the next issue. Runners-up may also have their
work published, for which they will also receive a cash award.
Also Seeking Artwork and Other Writing
Submissions can be on any theme. The submission requirements
described above apply. If sent via U.S. Mail, artwork should be
sent flat (unfolded) on white, unlined paper.
Get in-service training credit
for reading this newsletter!
Enjoy reading Fostering Perspectives and earn credit toward your
relicensure. Just write down the answers to the questions below and
present them to your social worker. If your answers are satisfactory, you’ll
receive 30 minutes of credit toward your training requirement. Questions
about this method of gaining in-service credit? Contact the NC Division
of Social Services at 919/334-1176.
In-Service Quiz, FP v15#2
1. When is the best time to begin teaching young people the skills they
need to be self-sufficient?
2. What happens in Raleigh on May 19?
3. It’s room cleaning time at your house. How would you give instructions
to a child who has only a concrete understanding of what it means to
clean his or her room?
4. “Helping Youth Reach Self-Sufficiency,” a life skills-teaching training,
will be offered free to North Carolina foster parents this October. List
three ways you and the young people you care for would benefit if you
attended this training.
5. Describe the process Misty Stenslie went through after she left foster
care. What difficulties did she experience? Where did she find support?
6. What is Futures Ready and how does it benefit youth with severe
emotional disturbances, mental wellness issues, and/or co-occurring
disabilities?
7. Why is it important for young people in foster care to learn about the
issues of puberty?
8. Name three resources foster parents can tap to provide young people
the information and experiences they need to select a possible career.
9. Give three examples of a “teachable moment.”
10. What is “family finding”?
FIRST PRIZE: $100
SECOND PRIZE: $50
THIRD PRIZE: $25
NONPROFIT ORG.
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
PERMIT 177
Jordan Institute for Families CHAPEL HILL, NC
UNC School of Social Work
Campus Box #3550
Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3550
Did you ever act in a way that
was really challenging for your
foster parents? What’s the best
way for parents to handle this
kind of behavior?