Fostering perspectives

              Foster parents fill a tall order
2
Views on Foster Care and Adoption in North Carolina
May 2004 • Vol. 8, No. 2 www.fosteringperspectives.org
She’s seven years old. She is in the second grade
and LOVES school. She got an award for perfect at-tendance.
Her favorite breakfast is waffles from our
heart shaped waffle maker. She goes to Brownies ev-ery
other week and has earned four badges. I sewed
them on her vest. She is so excited about her up-coming
dance recital. She is very proud of the library
card that has her name typed right on it. She worries
about whether her friends will come to her birthday
party and if they will all be in the same class next
year. She is my Goddaughter.
As I watch her play in our yard, I read Ashley’s story. Ashley is seven
years old. How many schools has she been in? How many days has
she missed? How can she catch up on all those missed lessons? She
worries about shootings at her old apartments and when that will hap-pen
here. She worries about how her brother is doing in his daddy’s
home and when she will get to see him. She worries about her new
home, because if her mama doesn’t like her foster mom, maybe she
shouldn’t either.
To Ashley, a life of cussing, punching, throwing things, drinking,
doing drugs, and moving from place to place is normal.
Then she comes to live with one of us: a foster parent. How strange it
must seem! Now she’s expected to sit at a table for meals and go to
school every day. She’s expected to tell us—without throwing things—
when she’s upset or angry. She’s expected to get along with her new
“siblings,” even though her mom and her aunt could never get along.
She is expected not to worry about her family, to trust us and her case-worker
to know what’s best for her. She is expected to be like my God-daughter.
As foster parents, we want to bring about positive changes in Ashley,
to show her a different way of life. We want her to have a bright future,
to teach her to succeed. We want her to feel safe and secure, optimistic
and loved. We know the process will be slow, but we believe it can be
done. That’s why we’re foster parents.
But as we care for our children we must always remember one es-sential
fact: Ashley and the other children in the child welfare system
will never stop loving the families they came from. They will never lose
the craving to be loved by them.
That’s why, if we really want to help children feel good about them-selves,
we must help them feel good about their families. Not only that,
but we must reach out to birth families and have meaningful contact
with them. For the sake of the children, we must be Family Preserva-tionists,
as well as Foster Parents.
It’s a tall order, I know. But then, creating the changes we want for all
the Ashleys of the world is a tall order, too. And there’s no group I
know of better equipped to fill tall orders than foster parents.
Kay is a foster parent and a Regional Vice President for the NC Foster Parents Association
Ashley’s Story
Now I stay with my
foster mom. But my
real Mama said,
“Don’t call her
Mama, just call her
by her name.” I
think she don’t like
her or something.
My aunt punched my mama in the face one time. She didn’t
want my mama to come in one night. So she punched her. We
was all standing out there and play-ing
by the rocks and my aunt
punched my mama. Then my mama
went out and was walking backwards
and she yelled and cussed. My aunt
just slammed the door and everyone
left. We all walked back to our apart-ments.
I liked our old apartments but
there was shooting and stuff and then
you have to wake up.
They took me from my mama be-cause
she drank and did drugs and
she couldn’t stop. My mama’s friend gave my sister some drugs
and it was light brown. My sister almost threw up on me. My
mama and her friend would go to the store and get beer and
me and my sister would get juice and candy and not drugs or
drink. My mama and her friend would fight and knock stuff
down. That’s why I'm glad her friend moved out.
I love my brother and sister. My brother lives with his daddy.
Before that he lived with his foster mom. My sister and me live
with our foster mom.
Before that we all three stayed in that other foster home.
They used to beat me. I asked the lady if I could sit in the chair
and she wouldn’t let me. The other children there didn't want
to play with me. It was a white lady. We stayed there when I
was moved from my aunt.
We stayed with my aunt when I was first moved from my
mama. My aunt and them kept fighting and saying cusswords
and knocking lamps down and knocking flowers down and I
was scared and stuff. Then I went to the white lady. My brother
slept on the floor and floors are dirty. But soon I moved to where
I am now.
Now I stay with my foster mom and I call her Mama. But I’m
not really supposed to call her “Mama” because I went to see
my real Mama and she said, “Don’t call her Mama, just call her
by her name.”
I think she don’t like her or something.
Ashley is seven years old. She received $15 for having her
story published in Fostering Perspectives
Kay Gillis
2
Fostering Perspectives Vol. 8, No. 2 (May 2004)
Copyright © 2004 by UNC-CH
Sponsors. NC Division of Social Services, the NC Foster
Parents Association, SaySo (Strong Able Youth Speaking Out),
and the Jordan Institute for Families, part of the School of
Social Work at UNC–Chapel Hill.
Contact Us : Fostering Perspectives, c/o John McMahon,
Jordan Institute for Families, 340 Victoria Rd., Pines Bldg.,
Room 403, Asheville, NC 28801, Tel: 828/251-6342; Fax:
828/251-6261; E-mail: johnmcmahon@ mindspring.com.
Advisory Board. Becky Burmester ( NC Foster Parents
Assoc.); Elizabeth Cassedy (Chatham County DSS); Nancy
Carter (Independent Living Resources, Inc.); Karen LeClair
(Family Support Network–NC); Kay Gillis (NC Foster Parents
Assoc.); Dayshawn Marton (SaySo); Melinda Medina
(SaySo); Marie Montague (Durham County DSS); Jenifer
Montsinger (Orange County DSS); Jeanne Preisler (NC Kids);
Paschelle Settles (SaySo)
Editorial Staff. Ruth Harrison (Editor-in-Chief),
John McMahon (Editor)
Mission. Fostering Perspectives exists to promote the pro-fessional
development of North Carolina’s child welfare
workers and foster parents and to provide a forum where
the people involved in the child welfare system can exchange
ideas about foster care and adoption in our State.
Disclaimer. The opinions and beliefs expressed herein
are not necessarily those of the NC Division of Social Ser-vices
or the UNC–Chapel Hill School of Social Work.
Frequency and Distribution. Issues appear every
May and November. Printed copies are sent directly to all
NC county DSS’s and to all foster parents and group homes
licensed through the NC Division of Social Services. If you
think you should be receiving a printed copy but are not,
please contact us at the address above.
Online edition: <www.fosteringperspectives.org>.
Subscribe Online. To be notified via e-mail when new
issues of Fostering Perspectives are available online, send a
message to johnmcmahon@ mindspring.com with “FP sub-scribe”
in the subject line.
Sustaining connections when siblings are separated
Sibling placement: Research to practice
Barriers within the child welfare system sometimes keep siblings apart when they enter foster care.
However, the authors of “Siblings and Out-of-Home Placement: Best Practices” suggest these barriers
can be identified and minimized. The article, which appears in the October-December 2003 issue of
Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, summarizes existing research on sib-ling
relationships in families where children have been abused and neglected, discusses the conditions
that sometimes lead to separation, and offers practical solutions to support maintaining sibling relation-ships
during placement.
The authors suggest that the first step to removing barriers to sibling placement is for child welfare
agencies to establish a policy—like North Carolina���s—that states that, absent a compelling reason, siblings
should always be placed together when they enter foster care.
A second step should be the active recruiting of foster and adoptive families that are willing to accept
siblings. Knowing how to obtain waivers, such as when space or family size becomes an issue, can be
essential.
Finally, the article offers a multidimensional assessment tool to assist caseworkers in evaluating the
following issues in sibling cases:
They can be comforters, caretakers, role
models, faithful allies, and best friends.
Most brothers and sisters share years of
experiences that form a bond, a common
foundation they do not have with any-one
else. If their birth parents were un-able
to provide the necessary care, sib-ling
attachments can be even closer.
Brothers and sisters separated from
each other through foster care and adop-tion
experience trauma, anger, and an ex-treme
sense of loss. Research suggests
that separating siblings may make it dif-ficult
for them to begin healing, make
attachments, and develop a healthy self-image.
Indeed, because of the affection
they share, separated siblings often feel
they have lost a part of themselves.
For these reasons, North Carolina
policy explicitly states that siblings must
be placed together whenever possible,
unless such a placement would be con-trary
to a child’s developmental, treat-ment,
or safety needs. Policy also states
that if siblings are separated, frequent
and regular ongoing contact must be ar-ranged
and facilitated (NCDSS, 2004).
Here are some ways social workers and
foster, relative, and adoptive parents can
help separated siblings stay connected:
Develop Your Knowledge
• Separation anxiety will be strongest
immediately before or after placement.
Be sensitive to the loss the children
are feeling. Many will experience
• The sibling relationship
• Safety, including risk factors
• Benefits to children of keeping siblings
together
• Benefits to children of separating siblings
• Children’s wishes and expectations
• Available families
The full text of “Siblings and Out-of-Home Placement: Best Practices” can be found on the Alliance for
Children and Families website at <www.alliance1.org/fis/>.
Reprinted from the Children’s Bureau Express, March 2004. <http://cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov/>
separation from siblings in the same
way they experience separation from
their parents. Respond accordingly.
• Understand that strong, healthy
attachments between brothers and
sisters promotes other vital life
attachments—including attachment
to foster and adoptive parents.
• Recognize that supporting sibling
connections requires resources:
transportation, phone access, etc.
• Because it can be so beneficial, even if
children seem passive or uninterested,
parents and professionals should
encourage contact between siblings
unless prohibited by a therapist.
Take Action
• Learn about your children’s history
with their siblings. Ask them how they
feel about their brothers and sisters.
• Maintain frequent (at least monthly)
contact through visits, phone calls,
e-mail, and letters.
• Meet in a place that is appropriate to
children’s needs. For example,
siblings often feel a surge of energy
and emotion when they are reunited.
Settings that require them to be calm
and quiet may not work.
• Finding time to bring siblings together
is hard for busy parents. Consider
finding someone outside the family
who would be willing to make this his
or her only assignment.
• Have a group portrait made. Send
prints to each sibling.
• Plan get-togethers or
birthday parties for
siblings. Send cards
and help your kids
to celebrate their
siblings’ birthdays.
• Promote contact with
“siblings” who are not
biologically related,
but who have formed
attachments after
living together in
foster care. Though not legally
recognized, this bond can affect
children’s long-term development.
Sources and Further Reading
Barbell, K. (1995). Is our family focus wide enough to include
siblings? <www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/policy-issues/
cwla-article-siblings.html>
Buskirk, J. (2002). Tips for professionals serving siblings. Family
Voices, Summer 2002. <www.mnasap.org/information/
Newsletter/>.
National Resource Center on Foster Care and Permanency Plan-ning.
(2004). <www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/
policy-issues/siblings.html>
“Why separate children?” Children’s Services Practice Notes,
2(4), 7–8. <www.practicenotes.org>.
With help,
separated siblings
can maintain their
connections.
Photo Illustration
3
Separation, loss, and foster parent retention
Foster parents are in a tough
position. On the one hand they
are expected to welcome unfa-miliar
children into their
homes, invest in them emo-tionally
and physically, and
help them through a difficult
time.
On the other hand, this in-tense
investment is supposed
to be temporary. When the placement
ends, foster parents were historically ex-pected
to disengage in a way that is help-ful
to the child and everyone else involved.
In the hustle and bustle of a placement
move, whether the child is going home or
moving somewhere else, foster parents’
feelings of loss are often given inadequate
attention.
Agency Factors
In 1989, Lois Urquhart conducted a study
to determine whether foster parents’ ex-periences
of separation and loss affected
their decision to continue fostering chil-dren.
She surveyed 376 foster homes, 275
of which were licensed and open to chil-dren,
and 101 of which had been previ-ously-
licensed but had closed within the
past three years.
She found that both groups of families
expressed love and affection for their fos-ter
children and sadness at their loss. The
two groups also felt similar levels of anxi-ety
and uncertainty regarding foster care
placements. Urquhart found that “although
open home respondents more often knew
how long a placement would be, both
groups rarely knew from
the outset a child’s
length of stay in their
homes” (p. 203).
Urquhart did find two
key differences between
open and closed foster
homes. The first emerged
when she asked foster
parents how well their
agency prepared them for the separa-tion
and the grief they would feel at the end
of a placement. While 36 percent of foster
parents from open homes felt they had been
taught skills for coping with a child’s re-moval;
only 19 percent of closed homes felt
they had been adequately prepared.
The other significant difference between
open and closed homes had to do with the
degree to which they felt their agency sup-ported
them before, during, and after sepa-ration.
Foster parents from open homes felt
they were better supported by their agency
in every category assessed. Parents from
open homes were also provided with infor-mation
about and contact with former fos-ter
children more often than were parents
from closed homes.
Urquhart concludes that foster parents
who are “unprepared or unsupported for
the separation and loss experience can be
considered foster parents at risk” of leav-ing
foster care (p. 206).
Emotional Factors
To continue on in their work after the end
of a placement, foster parents need to re-solve
their grief. One step in this process—
expressing the pain associated with the
loss—can be especially difficult for some fos-ter
parents.
In When Foster Children Leave: Help-ing
Foster Parents to Grieve, Susan
Edelstein (1981) identifies four obstacles
that prevent people from expressing grief
over a loss. Foster parents can run up
against any or all of these.
First, grieving is difficult when the re-lationship
to the lost person was ambiva-lent
or hostile. Foster parents may expe-rience
mixed feelings about foster chil-dren,
especially those who are prone to
act out. A second barrier to fully express-ing
feelings of loss when a child leaves
the foster home is the number of other
demands placed on foster parents. Usu-ally,
there are other foster and biological
children still in the home. Foster parents
must continue to attend to these children,
leaving little opportunity to express them-selves.
Expectations can be another barrier. It
may be an unspoken expectation that fos-ter
parents should not get too attached to
the children in their homes. Foster par-ents
who express feelings of loss may be
considered weak by their agency or other
foster parents; they may even have their
ability to foster questioned.
The final barrier has to do with differ-ences
in individual personalities. Some
people have a need to always appear con-fident
and independent, and grieving
makes them uncomfortable; they view the
vulnerability that is part of grief as a sign
of weakness.
For suggestions of ways social workers
and their agencies can support—and re-tain—
foster families, see the box at left.
References
Edelstein, S. (1981). When foster children leave: Helping
foster parents to grieve. Child Welfare, 60(7), 467–473.
Urquhart, L. (1989). Separation and loss: Assessing the im-pacts
on foster parent retention. Child and Adolescent
Social Work, 6(3), 193–209.
Reprinted from Children’s Services Prac-tice
Notes, 2(4). <www.practicenotes.org>
Foster parents who left
and those who stayed on
expressed similar
amounts of emotion.
The difference was in
how much support and
preparation they received
from their agency.
What can social workers do to help foster parents deal with the feelings of loss
that come at the end of a placement? Here are some suggestions:
1. Be direct and honest about the duration of placement; share updated and
relevant information with foster parents on an ongoing basis.
2. Learn about the stages of grief. Coping with foster parent anger (or
despair) may be easier if you see it as a natural part of the grieving process.
3. Send a condolence note after the placement ends. Make a follow-up phone
call to express your appreciation and concern.
4. Allocate resources. If possible, your agency may be able to assign a social
worker to each foster home. This worker could be a stable presence for the
foster parent to turn to at the end of a placement.
5. Increase foster parent training related to separation and loss. This will
help them understand their own reactions to loss, as well as the reactions of
their foster children.
6. Connect to community support. Foster parent associations and self-help
groups are another avenue of support during times of separation.
Tips for Social Workers:
Supporting Foster Parents When Placements End
When changes are
made in a child’s
placement, foster
parents’ feelings of
loss are often
overlooked .
Photo Illustration
4
N.C. Foster Parents Association
Visit the Association’s Web Site at <http://www.ncfpa.org>
Letter from the Association President by Sheryl Ewing
Membership is open to anyone interested in strengthening foster and adoptive services in North Carolina.
Send this form, with payment (DO NOT send cash), to: NCFPA at UNCG, PO Box 26170, Greensboro, NC
27402-6170. Make checks payable to the NC FOSTER PARENTS ASSOCIATION.
Regular membership is open to any foster or adoptive parent and is $15 for an individual and $25 for a
couple. Associate membership is $25 per person and is for anyone who is not a foster or adoptive parent.
First name #1: ______________________________ First name #2: ________________________________
Last name: _______________________________________________________________________________
Address: _________________________________________________________________________________
City: ______________________________________ State: __________ Zip: _________________________
County: ____________________________________ Licensing Agency: _____________________________
Home phone: ( ) _______________________ E-mail: _____________________________________
Membership Amt. included: __________________ Donation Amt.: _______________________________
Support Us So We Can Support You!
The mission of the North Carolina Foster Parents Association is to provide you
with support and training to help you be the best foster, adoptive, or kinship
parent you can be. If you are not already a member, please join today!
Sheryl Ewing
Thank you being a foster parent. You may
never know how you are changing—or sav-ing—
a child’s life, but have faith and trust
that you are. I appreciate you and the NC
Foster Parents Association Board of Di-rectors
appreciates you.
We have just had our annual Board of
Director’s Retreat and you will meet our
new Board members in this issue of Fos-tering
Perspectives. Every time we add new
members we get excited about all the pos-sibilities
and things we are going to do for
North Carolina’s foster, adoptive, and kin-ship
parents!
Our Goals for 2004
Conferences. Our goal is to provide af-fordable,
accessible training opportunities
to as many of North Carolina’s foster and
adoptive parents as possible. Therefore we
will offer a conference on April 24 and 25
in Research Triangle Park. Starting this
year, our annual two-day conference will
always be the last weekend of April so we
can give you information to take back to
your community to celebrate May as Na-tional
Foster Care Month.
Our grant from the NC Division of So-cial
Services helps support these confer-ences
so we can provide wonderful train-ing
at a low cost.
Advocacy. Last year we helped get fos-ter
care board rates increased, proving that
NCFPA advocacy efforts have a real and
positive effect on the lives of foster par-ents.
This year we will continue our ef-forts,
in part through our membership in
the Covenant with North Carolina’s Chil-dren
<www.ncchild.org/covhome.htm>.
If you are interested in joining our Ad-vocacy
Committee, contact me (e:
fsnsenc@earthlink.net; t: 910/792-6133)
and I will let you know when they meet.
Any member of the NCFPA may serve on
this committee. We still need a Foster Par-ents
Bill of Rights for North Carolina!
An important part of advocacy is par-ticipating
in statewide activities. That’s
why the NCFPA has members involved
with the following:
• SaySo (Strong Able Youth Speaking
Out). We have a member helping with
“Giving a Child a Smile,” SaySo’s
project for Make a
Difference Day
• The NC Division of
Social Services Child
and Family Services Plan
• The MRS (Multiple
Response System)
Advisory Council
• The Early Intervention/Child Protective
Services Collaboration Committee
• The Covenant with North Carolina’s
Children
• The NC LINKS Advisory Council
One of our Board members also assists
her local DSS with MAPP training as a
trainer. We also have Board members
trained as Shared Parenting trainers. And
we have Board members who are leading
and starting new local foster parent asso-ciations
and adoption support groups.
Membership. The larger our organiza-tion
is, the easier it will be to make North
Carolina the best place to foster and adopt.
Therefore, in 2004 we are going to look at
new ways to increase our membership.
The NCFPA wants to be an advocate for
foster and adoptive parents with a LOUD
voice. If you are not already a member,
please join us.
New Board
We have a new slate of officers:
• Sheryl Ewing, President
• Donna Greene, Secretary
• Matt Davies, Treasurer
• Gerri Fox, Region 1 Vice President
• Kay Gillis, Region 2 Vice President
• Region 3 and 4 Vice Presidents: vacant
Donna Greene has been nominated and
is running for Vice President of the Na-tional
Foster Parent Association for Re-gion
4. We are very excited to have some-one
from North Carolina on the National
Foster Parent Association Board.
Additionally, we are successfully col-laborating
with NC Kids and the Family
Support Network of North Carolina. We
have been writing letters of support for
possible grants where we would assist
with increased support services for foster
and adoptive families.
We appreciate hearing from you. We want
to know: How can the NCFPA serve you
better? What are your top three wishes as
a foster or adoptive parent? What are your
top three needs? E-mail your thoughts to
ncfpa@uncg.edu.
Thank you again for all you do to help
North Carolina’s families and children.
5
Passage to Adoption: A camp for older youth in foster care
As part of her work with Cam-paigns
for Kids, a nonprofit that
consults with foster care and
adoption agencies, Diane
Delafield often interviewed
teens in foster care. As she did,
she came to understand that,
though they often live in sup-portive,
nurturing foster fami-lies,
many of the youth cleared
for adoption have behavioral,
emotional, and psychological
issues that make the transition
to adoption difficult.
What these youth needed,
Diane realized, was a camp that
offered a healing program that
would make the path to adop-tion
easier for them to travel.
As she envisioned it, this camp
would be safe, yet transforma-tional.
It would be a place
where youth could have expe-riences
that would support
their passage both to new fami-lies
and to meaningful, produc-tive
adult lives.
When she looked around,
Diane found very few camps
like this, and none in North
Carolina. And so last year,
working with her colleague,
Tina Peterson, and her friend
Chris Weaver, the director of a
4-H Education Center, she set
out to create one.
Passage to Adoption
Under the auspices of her non-profit
organization, Under One
Sky, Diane and her friends have
developed a vision and a plan
for a camp for older youth in
foster care whose track is adop-tion.
The camp is called Pas-sage
to Adoption. If adequate
funding can be secured, the
camp will be developed and
tested in a comprehensive
three-year pilot at the
Swannanoa 4-H Education
Center, a 90-acre camp in the
Blue Ridge Mountains near
Asheville.
The Campers. The program
is designed to serve youth who
are at least partially clear for
adoption, including youth who
have an identified family and
may be living with them while
they go through the legal adop-tion
process. Based on inter-est
already expressed by county
departments of social services,
the camp will host 32 to 48
youth during its first year. In
the second and third years, new
groups of 48 teens will be
added.
Duration. The program will
include a ten-day summer
camp during June 2004, 2005,
and 2006, each of which will
be followed by fall, winter, and
spring retreat weekends that
will include a family retreat for
foster families, prospective
adoptive families, and social
workers.
Activities. The camp will of-fer
youth activities, workshops,
and discussions about adoption
basics (what it is, its potential
benefits), grief and loss, adop-tion
recruitment, and other rel-evant
issues.
The youth will also direct
their own learning by choosing
small-group workshops in life
skills, creativity, team-building,
and leadership. These work-shops
will be led by experi-enced
instructor-mentors. The
camp cabin-counselor team will
consist primarily of students
from schools of social work
across the state.
A Recruitment Connection
During the camp, youth will be
invited to partner with camp
staff and Campaigns for Kids
staff to create their own per-sonal
recruitment materials.
The youth will have the final
say in how these materials will
be used. Participating county
DSS’s will receive the follow-ing
recruitment materials for
each participating youth:
• A 3–5 minute child-specific
video co-produced and
scripted by the youth
• A child-specific profile that
includes photographs of the
youth, and quotes
• 24 digital photographs
• 15–20 minute, professionally
recorded interview
• 30-second radio public
service announcement
Matching with
Parents
As part of the ten-day
camp experi-ence,
qualified
prospective par-ents
will be re-cruited
by NC
Kids Adoption
and Foster Care
Network and in-vited
to attend an
orientation with
social workers at
a comfortable
nearby facility.
Parents will then attend the
camp’s culminating celebration,
“Sharing the Gift.” Here pro-spective
parents will interact
with the youth in a neutral, re-laxed
setting to help facilitate
potential matches. Youth will
present the results of their
work at camp to families, in-cluding
personalized profiles
that the youth have created
with the help of camp staff. The
youth’s choice to interact with
the prospective parents will be
respected, and the emphasis
will be on the personal growth
and self-esteem of each youth.
Funding
Passage to Adoption is being
funded by foundation grants,
county DSS’s, individuals,
churches, and businesses. Un-der
One Sky is in the process
of applying to foundations to
fund the first three years of this
pilot project. Summer camp
2004 is contingent upon receiv-ing
a portion of these grants
prior to June. Under One Sky
will implement the three-day
opening retreat even if grant
funding does not come in prior
to these dates, since this event
has been paid for by county
departments of social services.
For more information about
this program, contact Diane
Delafield (dianecfk@ioa.com;
828/645-1046). To learn about
the application process to serve
as a volunteer or to join the
camp staff, contact Chris
Weaver (chris@swan4h.org;
828/686-3196). To make a finan-cial
contribution online, visit
www.networkforgood.org/do-nate,
and enter the organiza-tion
name Under One Sky; or
mail your contribution to Un-der
One Sky, Inc., PO Box 8411,
Asheville, NC 28814.
A “Reflection Circle” at the Swannanoa 4-H
Education Center, where the Passage to
Adoption camp will be held.
Announcing Undy Sunday!
The NC Foster Parents Association has made May 30, 2004
“Undy Sunday.” Working with churches from across the
state, the NCFPA is asking that people bring a package of
new underwear or socks to church with them to be do-nated
to children in care. We are making this effort because unfortunately many
children enter foster care with little or no clothing. Foster parents are usually
able to find used clothing, but secondhand underwear is less than desirable.
With the proliferation of methamphetamine labs across the state, the situa-tion
worsens. Children removed from these home drug labs are not allowed to
bring ANY of their own belongings because of the toxicity of the dust in the labs.
After May 30 the NCFPA will pick up the donated underwear and deliver
them to the county DSS’s for distribution to the children. Check the NCFPA
website (www.ncfpa.org) for the information needed to have your church take
part in this effort and for a list of participating churches. Questions? Send an e-mail
message to ncfpa@uncg.edu or kgillis@usa.net.
6
Dear foster parents . . .
An open letter from Heather, a former foster youth
The well-being of children in foster care
Two recent surveys found that many children in foster care are
more vulnerable to poor health and developmental outcomes
than other children. This is due not only to the difficulties
children in foster care face prior to removal from the home
(e.g., abuse, neglect, parental substance abuse), but also to dif-ficulties
they face upon entering the system (e.g., separation
from parents, adjustment to new caregivers, or multiple place-ments).
Child Trends analyzed data from the National Survey of Child
and Adolescent Well-Being (NSCAW) and the National Survey of
America’s Families (NSAF) and reported findings in a brief, Chil-dren
in Foster Homes: How Are They Faring? Results show:
• More than 50 percent of infants and toddlers in foster care
are at high risk for neurological and cognitive development
impairments.
• Nearly one-third of foster children under the age of 15 have
a disability.
• Nearly half of foster children have behavioral or emotional
problems.
Despite these problems, foster children also have a number of
protective factors in their favor. For example:
• 95 percent have some form of health insurance.
• 90 percent of foster children under age 5 have received
required immunizations.
• 76 percent of 11- to 14-year-olds report feeling close to
their caregivers.
• 97 percent of 11- to 14-year-olds have an adult they can
rely on for help with a serious problem.
The brief offers a number of implications for policy and prac-tice,
including the need to:
• Increase the economic resources of foster parents.
• Improve the coordination of health care across service
providers.
• Design managed care systems that take into account the
special needs of foster children.
• Offer more resources to foster parents and kinship
caregivers, including training, child care, and respite care
services.
A copy of this brief can be obtained from Child Trends at
<www.childtrends.org/PDF/FosterHomesRB.pdf>. Additional in-formation
on NSCAW can be obtained at the Administration on
Children and Families website at <www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/
core/ongoing_research/afc/wellbeing_intro.html>. Additional in-formation
on NSAF can be found on the Urban Institute website
at <www.urban.org/Content/Research/NewFederalism/NSAF/Over-view/
NSAFOverview.htm>.
Reprinted from the Children’s Bureau Express, March 2004 <cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov>
Dear foster parents,
I have been adopted twice
now. I read Debbie Gallimore’s
article [in the last issue of Fos-tering
Perspectives] and I do
agree with her that if you re-spect
and “take in” a foster
child’s family, that child will
take you (the foster parent) in.
I find this true in my life.
Now that I am adopted for the
second time I find it harder to
trust and become dependable
upon my adopted parents. From
a personal experience I will say
that it hurts whenever “my”
parents talk negatively about
my family and I find it harder
to respect them afterwards. Our
real family is something that
was taken from us and we ac-knowledge
that every second of
each day. It hurts us worse ev-ery
time someone mentions
our family, it is offensive and
your words will never go away.
It is not easy for a child to
adapt to a new family. The best
way to earn a child’s trust, re-spect,
and dependence is to re-spect
their feeling
toward their family.
Most of my life I
have been indepen-dent
and parentless
(referring to paren-tal
care and guid-ance),
so when I
was adopted for the
second time “my” parents did
not and sometimes they still do
not understand why I’m not get-ting
along with them. I am still
not used to being able to de-pend
upon anyone and my trust
in anyone is gone.
Why? Because that is to me
the safest way not to get hurt
again. I even find it hard to love
or care for “my” new family. I
will reject their love to me be-cause
it is something I have not
yet been able to take in. I don’t
care for family time or bonding
time because I am very uncom-fortable
with it. Part of the time
these feelings come because of
something they had said to me
either about me or my family. I
do not have my family
and I wish to see them
all.
I am proud of all my
accomplishments that
I have made so far in
my life. Most of all, I
am glad that I did not
give up on life even
through the hard times when I
would’ve rather have been
dead.
One of my wishes in life is to
be able to be the little girl I
once was, when I did not worry
how the day would end or if I
could ever trust or depend on
anyone again. It was a time
when I was happy.
I do not write to you to tell
you of all my problems that very
few know about. I write to say
this: what you say and how you
treat a foster child does affect
them, whether they show you
it or not. I cry every night be-cause
my heart aches from not
being able to be with my fam-ily,
wondering if they were even
alive, wondering what it is like
to be held by my real mother.
I cry because I feel alone and I
feel like something is missing.
Every foster child cries be-cause
they are in pain. We
want to be held and cared for,
we reject it because we are
afraid of getting too close to
anyone. Please keep this in
mind when you have a foster
child of any kind in your
home because what you do
and how you react to a child
does make an impact on their
lives forever.
Heather is 16. She received $15 for
having her letter published.
Photo Illustration
I write to say this:
what you say and
how you treat a
foster child does
affect them,
whether they show
you it or not.
7
Parents: Don’t make food a battle by Elizabeth Cassedy
Elizabeth Cassedy
It is common for parents of all
kinds—birth, foster, adoptive,
and kin—to use food as a rein-forcer
for positive behavior (“Eat
your dinner so you can have
dessert”) and as a means of con-trol
(“stop fighting or you won’t
get ice cream”). I know my parents did.
Yours may have, too.
Yet in my years as a social worker, I
have come to question this use of food. I
have talked with foster parents about the
fact that:
• Many kids in foster care have been
neglected. Some of these have been
food-deprived. When these kids enter
your family they worry a lot about
where their next meal is coming from.
Many repeatedly ask, “What will we eat
tonight?” until they believe that dinner
will be there for them every night.
• Our culture is obsessed with food. One
consequence of this is that many
people—both inside and outside of
foster care—struggle with weight
problems, eating disorders, and
dubious connections between food and
being “good.”
In our discussions I would ask foster
parents: What does it mean to use a sweet
dessert as a reward for good behavior?
What if a child thinks, “I was good when I
was with my mom and food was very un-predictable.”
What if a child who has been
sexually victimized was always given candy
or ice cream for being “good”?
In the end, I tried to persuade
foster parents to use other meth-ods
to discipline and control
their children. Some agreed with
me, some did not.
Last year, after my husband
and I became foster parents, we decided
to practice what I had been preaching.
We began by clearly saying to ourselves
and our children: “Food is not going to
be a battle!” Then we laid down the rules:
the kids could eat pretty much what they
liked, when they liked. There would be
no conditions placed on sweets and des-serts,
other than that they could have no
more than two.
During the past year we never said, “Eat
all the food on your plate or you won’t
get dessert.” We did say, “Try this.” For
the most part, our kids ate what we
cooked. When they didn’t, we offered ce-real.
We made sure they had healthy op-tions
for snacks.
And yes, they still got dessert. We make
cookies, we eat ice cream, and there is
always as much fruit as you want to eat.
When they heard what we were doing
some people were concerned that, with
unrestricted access to food, our two fos-ter
children would gain weight, but they
haven’t. They both grew in height, and
their weight curve remained the same.
Discipline was not a problem because
we made the rules and boundaries really
clear. Instead of using
food as a conse-quence,
we’d take
away TV and com-puter
time in a heart-beat.
So here we are, one
year later. In my role
as a social worker, I still try to persuade
foster parents not to use food as a means
of discipline. Some agree with me, some
do not.
In my home, though, food is no longer
a battle. Yes, we still have our struggles—
abandoning the use of food as a means of
discipline is not an instant fix. Still, I have
some hope that our efforts have reduced
the “power of food” so that—maybe—our
children will have a greater chance of liv-ing
healthier, happier lives.
Elizabeth Cassedy is a licensing social worker for Chatham
County DSS. She and her husband are also foster par-ents
for Orange County, North Carolina.
Help for hard-to-raise kids . . . and their parents, too
by Jane Hersey, Director of the Feingold Association of the US
• Eight-month-old Justin is a fussy baby and still hasn’t slept through the night.
• Severe asthmatic bouts bring three-year-old Tiffany to the emergency room.
• Daniel, age five, has just been expelled from the latest day care center as a
result of his aggressive behavior.
• Maggie’s second grade teacher simply can’t “get through” to this distracted
little girl and suspects she has ADD (attention deficit disorder).
• Her older brother is on his third set of ear tubes because of chronic
infections, and their mom suffers from hives.
As different as all these people are, they share something in common – a group
of substances are triggering their various behavior, learning, and health problems.
The medical literature shows that many of the synthetic additives in food are
powerful chemicals that can that trigger problems in sensitive people. Little Justin’s
fussiness and sleep problems are linked to the additives in his baby vitamins. Tiffany’s
asthma comes from the yellow dye in her favorite macaroni and cheese mix. Daniel
is a calm, well behaved child when he doesn’t consume multicolored breakfast
cereal, blue drinks, and so-called “fruit” snacks, but the pantry is generally well-stocked,
so his good days are rare.
Maggie has the most problems after eating lunch in the school cafeteria, but the
strong smelling markers designed for white boards also make it hard for her to pay
attention. (They are also responsible for her teacher’s frequent headaches.) As for
Maggie’s brother, his ear infections are being triggered by the artificial dyes and
flavorings in his favorite candies while the big-gest
culprits for their mom are the synthetic preser-vatives
hidden in her low-fat milk and the sweetener
in her diet soda.
Synthetic food dyes are made from petroleum, as are
three common preservatives: BHA, BHT and TBHQ. Artificial
flavorings can be made from anything (literally, anything!) and a manufacturer need
not disclose this information to anyone, including the Food and Drug Administra-tion.
Aspartame, the synthetic sweetener in Mom’s diet soda, is responsible for
more reports of harmful effects than any other additive in history.
The good news is that consumers don’t have to eat this chemical stew, parents
don’t have to be faced with out-of-control children, and all of us don’t need to be
harmed by the very thing that is supposed to nourish us — our food.
The Feingold Association is a nonprofit organization with 28 years of experience
teaching people how to find the food they love without the chemicals they hate.
Named in honor of the doctor who helped so many hyperactive, learning disabled
children (now called ADHD), most of the volunteers are parents who have found
help for their children and themselves. To learn more visit <www.feingold.org>.
Jane Hersey is Director of the Feingold Association of the US and the author of
Why Can’t My Child Behave? and Healthier Food for Busy People.
Kids who have
been deprived of
food shouldn’t
have food used as
a control.
Childhood Obesity in NC
• In North Carolina, 13.5% of children ages 2–4
and 21.1% of children ages 5–11 are overweight
• These numbers represent a 35% increase in
overweight children in just five years!
• Obesity increases children’s risk of heart disease,
sleep apnea, joint problems, depression, and
Type II diabetes
• It is estimated that obesity cost North Carolina
$2.14 billion in 2003
Source: NC Child Health Report Card 2003.
<www.ncchild.org/health.htm>
Kids’ P Words and Pictures by and for Children in Foster Care
Joy Elizabeth, age 12, First Prize
Photo Illustration
What are you proud of?
I try to stay
one of a kind,
not some
duplicate of
some girl I saw
in a magazine.
Illustration by Joy Elizabeth’s
brother, Billy, age 11
I’m proud of all my unique looks. I
have gorgeous brown hair that shines in
the sun. My eyes twinkle when I look
around.
I’m proud of my talents because not
many people can do some of them. My
thumbs are double-jointed—I can stick
them behind my fists. My friends think
it is so cool that I can hang upside down
on monkey bars.
I like the fact that I make good grades in school. My teachers
like me a whole lot. They keep my scores up by making sure I
understand everything they teach us in class.
I’m happy that I have a loving family who cares for me by giving
me shelter, clothes on my back, food, and water.
My birthday is the first day of spring, March 20. I think that is
special but some other holidays are much better than spring.
There is something about myself that I am really proud of—it
is that I try to be myself. I do not go
looking through magazines to see
what they look like to improve my-self.
I try to stay one of a kind, not
some duplicate of some girl I saw in
a magazine that used a certain kind
of makeup and knows she has two
boyfriends and a million others who
like her. I would just rather stick
with the one that I already have.
The one thing I have that I’m
proud of is my friends, because if I
feel that I’m useless they would
cheer me up because that is what friends are for. If you are mean
to your friends you will not have anyone to cheer you up so you
would live your life in misery and sorrow. I have a lot of friends
and plan to keep it that way.
These are some things about myself I’m proud of.
Joy Elizabeth received $100 for her first place essay
CJ, age 11
I am proud of myself because I use to be not able to control my anger. After
being placed in therapeutic foster care and seeing my therapist I have learned
to control my anger. My foster family and I go on therapeutic walks and sit
down and talk about my feelings. My foster family clipped an old article out
of Fostering Perspectives about things you can say to yourself to keep a lid
on your anger. This helps me a lot in remembering how to control my anger.
CJ received $15 for having his essay published
In our daily lives many of us 1
devote a great deal of atten-tion
to problems, to what’s
wrong. It’s not surprising: our
schools and businesses spend
a great deal of time teaching
people to identify problems,
and they shower rewards on
those who do it well.
But if we pay too much attention to the negative
and the broken, it is easy for us to start to think
that’s all there is. If we fixate on a child’s negative
behaviors, or a social worker’s or foster parent’s
mistakes, we run the risk of overlooking the good
that person does. Or the good that person is.
That’s something we can’t afford to do. We need
to see the strengths in ourselves, in others, and in
our world. Why? Because our strengths and past
successes hold the key to solving the challenges
that lie ahead of us.
With these thoughts in mind, the writing contest
in the last issue of Fostering Perspectives posed the
following question to current and former foster
youth: “What’s something about yourself that you
are proud of, and why?”
We hoped that by asking this we could help the
kids who wrote in—and the adults who ultimately
read their responses—shine a little light on what is
right in their lives.
We were not disappointed. In the many responses
we received—we regret we couldn’t publish them
all—young people told us in a clear way that they
had lots of reasons to celebrate.
Some were proud of things that make kids every-where
proud: the ability to play a sport, do a flip,
draw a picture, get good grades. Others were proud
of victories in their struggles with substance abuse
and anger. Still others were proud of overcoming
experiences—abuse, neglect, multiple placements—
that once made them doubt their worth as people.
They expressed their pride in different voices.
Some voices were tentative—almost whispers—as if
they were not sure they’d be believed. Others rang
with confidence and conviction, like trumpets.
Viewed together, these essays create a portrait of
foster children as people who recognize something
of value in themselves. Now that is something of
which we should be proud.
Yet it is also our task at hand. As parents, social
workers, and as a society, we must continue to help
children shine a light on their successes and to nur-ture
their pride in who they are today and who they
will be tomorrow. —John McMahon, Editor
Pages are Vol. 8, No. 2 • May 2004
Daniel, age 13, Third Prize
One thing I am proud of is my artwork. I like to draw all the time.
I am in an art class at school where I learn about artists and other
styles of art. I also have earned the art merit badge for Boy Scouts.
At school we were seeing who could draw the best eagle to go in
our yearbook for the school mascot. I drew a good one but I didn’t
get it published in the school yearbook. When I took it home, my
foster mother Darlene liked it so much that she put it in a picture frame.
I also like to paint. I just painted a lighthouse that I saw on an eighth
grade field trip to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. I painted the light-house
because I was working on the art merit
badge and I needed to paint a picture in acrylic.
To accomplish the art merit badge I needed to
do a pencil sketch so I used the eagle that I
drew at school. I did an ink sketch of our house
for the merit badge. I also had to do an acrylic.
I did a picture of Jesus in a manger, which
turned out to look pretty good.
I am really proud of how my artwork can look.
I also got the art merit badge. One day my art
may become known around the world.
Daniel received $25 for having his essay published and $15
for having his drawing, “Leaping Tiger,” published
Sofia, age 12, Second Prize
Andrea, age 15
2
3
I can do
homework
without getting
frustrated.
Jamar, age 16
My adoptive
mother, Eliza-beth,
helped me
discover my tal-ent
for writing. I
was placed in
foster care when I was three and a half
years old. I was a behavior problem. I
went through four different homes in
only a year’s time span. Nobody took
time with me until Elizabeth. I know I
was bad and cost her a lot, but she still
gave me a chance. . . .
Even though I still get in trouble, I
think that with her help I could turn
my talent into something worthwhile.
So I can then make what makes me
proud, make her proud too!
Jamar received $15 for having his essay published
My adoptive
mother helped
me discover my
talent for writing.
Heather received $15 for having her drawing published
My name is Sofia and I am 12 years old. I have
been in foster care since I was eight. My foster
mom and dad have adopted me and I am so glad
they did. With their guidance I feel like my life is
back on track.
The one thing I am proud of is making good grades. When
I was with my birth mom I missed 48 days of school be-cause
she was always sleeping from the pills and alcohol and she could
not get me off to school. I am proud of achieving the accomplishments
that I have. Like winning the Noon Optimist Character Award, which the
teachers at Bethel Elementary voted for me, and winning the DARE Es-say
award, and being part of the safety patrol last year at my school.
I feel like I have proven myself with the right guidance in my life now,
that I can accomplish anything, and become anything I want later in life.
I am glad I have a new family that cares enough about me to get me in the
right direction for what life has to offer.
There are still caring people out there in this world who love children
and I can thank DSS and my new family for that.
Sofia received $50 for having her essay published
I’ve been working
really hard to accom-plish
things that I
can be proud of. I’m
proud that I can ac-tually
do homework
without getting frustrated. I used to get
mad and quit. I’m proud that I’ve made
friends. I’m proud that I’ve learned to
snowboard. I don’t snowboard a lot, but
I’m pretty good at it, though. I’m really
good at skiing because I can grind on skis.
My favorite thing to do is cheerlead. I
can do a back handspring, and I’m a
flyer. . .
Now that I found out that people aren’t
perfect, I’m proud to be who I am.
Andrea received $15 for having her essay published
10
The NC Department of Health and Human Services does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, religion, age, or disability in employment or the provision of
services. 10,900 copies printed at a cost of $1,967.45, or $0.18 per copy.
A reader asks . . .
If you have a question about foster care or adoption in North Carolina, please
write, e-mail, or fax your question to us using the contact information found on
page 2. We’ll do our best to respond to your question either in a direct reply or in
a future issue of this newsletter.
Question: I am a licensed foster parent. I didn't think I wanted to adopt,
but now I do and my agency doesn't do adoptions. What are my
options?
Some child-placing agencies are not licensed to complete adoptions.
Talk to your licensing social worker to see if your agency has a
relationship with an agency that does adoptions.
Otherwise, you will have to identify an agency on your own. A
list of all child-placing adoption agencies in North Carolina can be
found at <www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/childrensservices/licensing/
licensing.htm>. You will want to select one agency and submit an
application. Your current agency may be agreeable to sharing your
foster care licensing file with your new agency, which may speed up the process. Your
new agency may require you to attend their training meetings, since they will be the
agency to approve you to adopt and provide you with post-placement services.
The state of North Carolina has a contract with four private child-placing adoption
agencies. These agencies—Adoptions Plus, Another Choice for Black Children, Children's
Home Society of North Carolina, and Methodist Home for Children—provide services free
of charge to families willing to adopt waiting foster children.
The NC Kids Adoption and Foster Care Network is here to help you connect with a new
agency. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us Monday through Saturday, 7:00
A.M. - 7:00 P.M. Thank you for your willingness to provide a permanent family for our
children!
Response by Jeanne Preisler, Director, NC Kids
Question: If I adopt my current foster child, will she continue to get Medicaid and will her
daycare expenses still be covered?
We cannot give a definitive answer to your questions since this is a matter that must be
determined by the agency that has custody of the child. The continuation of Medicaid will
depend on whether the child has income of her own. If the child has no income, then
Medicaid will continue until the child’s 18th birthday. Daycare expenses will depend on
the child's pschological and/or medical needs prior to the adoption. These matters should
be discussed with the child's social worker prior to the finalization of the adoption.
Response by Esther High, NC Division of Social Services
If I adopt my current
foster child, will she
continue to get
Medicaid and will
her daycare expenses
still be covered?
Why I am in foster care by Jawilla, age 12
I have been in foster care for about three years now because my mom
couldn’t take care of me. My mom couldn’t take care of me because she
did drugs when she had kids. I am the only one out of four of us who is
still in foster care. One of my brothers is at my grandmother’s house.
The other two are adopted. I decided not to get adopted because I still
have my hopes up for going back home even though I know that I am not.
If my mom took care of us like she was supposed to, we would not be
in foster care. I feel like my mom knew that she wasn’t supposed to do
drugs, she was supposed to take care of us. Sometimes I feel like my
mom just doesn’t care where we’re at or how we are. I think that my
mom likes drugs better than she likes her own kids. Sometimes I wish
my mom would know how it feels to be in foster care and not with the
family.
I pray every night that my mom would stop doing drugs and do some-thing
better with her life. I still love my mom. . .
I hope that I won’t do the things that my mom did. I hope to make it to
college and make it to the WNBA and be successful and respected in life. I also hope one day to support my whole family.
Jawilla received $15 for having her writing published
Photo Illustration
Photo Illustration
“I pray every night that my mom would stop doing
drugs and do something better with her life.”
May is Foster Care
Month!
Here are ten ways you can mark
the occasion with your family.
1. Thank your foster children for
the opportunity to be parents
to them.
2. Give an appreciation card to
your caseworker.
3. Tell five friends about the
rewards of fostering.
4. Make copies of your favorite
Fostering Perspectives articles
to pass along.
5. Send an encouragement card to
another foster parent having a
tough time.
6. Make plans with another foster
family to trade an afternoon
watching the other’s kids. Take
the time to refresh yourself
doing something you like.
7. Establish May as the month for
an annual outdoor family
photo.
8. Browse the Internet for foster
care sites to see what is new
in other areas of the country.
9. Join a foster parent association
or support group.
10.Plan a celebration party with
your foster parent association.
Adapted from
Fostering Illinois newsletter, May 2001
11
Becky Burmester
What do you do to keep your emotional well from running dry?
Being a foster parent is hard
work 24 hours a day, seven
days a week, 52 weeks a year.
It is wonderful and awful —
sometimes at the same time.
Friends who are not foster
parents cannot understand
why we keep on keepin’ on.
Yet without the support of
those who understand, we ei-ther
cannot continue to be foster parents
or we begin to provide less than the best
care possible. This lessening in the qual-ity
of the care we provide is unintentional—
we simply have a dry emotional well. But
it has profound effects on the lives of the
children in our care.
After 19 years as foster parents, we re-cently
considered surrendering our li-cense.
This was the first time that our
well had gone very nearly dry. There had
been occasions when we talked about tak-ing
a break between placements, but never
a time when we felt we just could not do
this any longer.
So what was happening that led to our
dry well?
We were in the process (still are) of
adopting two children and it was not go-ing
smoothly. Foster parents sure are emo-tionally
out there once they have decided
to adopt! The role becomes totally differ-ent
emotionally (or at least it has for us).
Add to the situation, a child previously
placed with us needed to come back into
care. Suddenly we found ourselves caring
for three preschoolers! Our licensing
agency was undergoing a ma-jor
reorganization so we
were no longer working with
the people we’d worked with
for ten years. My husband’s
employer was in the midst
of a fight for survival in this
strange new economy. We
were looking for a new
church home (predomi-nantly
African-American) to reflect the ex-perience
of the children we hope to adopt.
It is no wonder our well was nearly dry.
Refilling the well happened slowly. We
took a week’s vacation with all three kids,
flying several hundred miles to spend a
week at a ski lodge near where our first
son is stationed with the Navy. There were
no phones and very few distractions. We
played and we read and we slept. We shared
our stresses with our friends in our Ra-cial
Reconciliation Group and in our Cov-enant
Group.
Orphans of the Living, by Jennifer Toth,
was one of the books I read that helped
fill the well. In its case study format, the
reader is drawn into the lives of four chil-dren
in the social services system. This
nonfiction book is one that might be dis-missed
as far fetched by non-foster par-ents,
but we know better.
Another is The Lost Children of Wilder,
by Nina Bernstein. This book is a multi-generational
recounting of one family’s ex-perience
with foster care. Through three
generations, the reader follows the effects
of the child welfare system on one family.
Swings Hanging
from Every Tree, ed-ited
by Ramona
Cunningham, is a
book of daily inspira-tions
for foster and
adoptive parents that
I highly recommend.
Each entry is only a
single page, yet flipping through to read
the entry for a specific date or stopping to
read because the title caught my eye in-variably
strengthens my resolve to be a
good foster parent.
The Privilege of Youth, by Dave Pelzer,
is the latest in the series that began with
A Child Called It. In my view much of this
book is a bit “over the top,” but parts are
certain to touch any foster parent’s heart.
We really can make a lasting difference in
the life of a child, even if we share in their
life for only a short while. Dave was not
an easy child to foster, yet foster families
made a real difference in his life.
As we continue as foster parents, my
husband and I will continue to read and
participate in training opportunities like
the ones offered by the NC Foster Parents
Association. We know now—more than
ever—that our emotional well needs to be
replenished constantly if we are to do our
best for the children in our care.
As always, I welcome your suggestions
for this column. You can contact me at
<Becky.Burmester@mindspring.com> or
919/870-9968.
Recently, after 19
years as foster par-ents,
my husband and
I seriously considered
surrendering our
license . . . .
Leadership: Lessons from geese
Observers of geese say that the lessons
they have learned by watching these birds
are useful for foster parents and others
who work with and rely on others. For
example:
Fact 1
As each goose flaps its wings, it creates
an "uplift" for the birds that follow. By fly-ing
in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds
71% greater flying range than if each bird
flew alone.
Lesson: People who share a common
direction and sense of community can get
where they are going quicker and easier
because they are traveling on the thrust
of each other.
Fact 2
When a goose falls out of formation, it
suddenly feels the drag and resistance of
flying alone. It quickly moves back into
formation to take advantage of the lifting
power of the bird immediately in front of
it.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as a
goose, we stay in formation with those
headed where we want to go. We are
willing to accept their help and give our
help to others.
Fact 3
When the lead bird tires, it rotates back
into the formation to take advantage of
the lifting power of the bird immediately
in front of it.
Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the
hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with
geese, people are interdependent on each
others' skills, capabilities, and unique ar-rangements
of gifts, tal-ents,
or resources.
Fact 4
The geese flying in for-mation
honk to encour-age
those up front to keep up their speed.
Lesson: We need to make sure our
honking is encouraging. In groups where
there is encouragement, the production
is much greater. The power of encourage-ment
(to stand by one's heart or core val-ues
and to encourage the heart and core
values of others) is the quality of honking
we seek.
Fact 5
When a goose gets sick, wounded, or shot
down, two geese drop out of formation
and follow it down to help and protect it.
They stay with it until it dies or is able to
fly again. Then, they launch out with an-other
formation or catch up with the flock.
Lesson: If we have as much sense of
geese, we will stand by each other in dif-ficult
times as well as when we’re strong.
Adapted from Dr. Robert McNeish of Bal-timore
(1972)
12
SaySo Saturday celebrates six years! by Peaches Sanders and Nancy Carter
On March 6, over 150 young people and their
adult supporters came together at Guilford
Technical Community College to celebrate
youth leadership and SaySo’s sixth birthday.
Both youth and adults enjoyed workshops on
LINKS programs, public speaking, the expec-tations
of SaySo Board members, and how to
foster youth leadership. Names were drawn
for “birthday gifts” (door prizes) and an-nouncements
were made to introduce some
exciting SaySo advancements and projects for
the coming year:
• SaySo commissioned its seventh local
chapter! Onslow County DSS became
seventh agency to establish a local SaySo
chapter during the last three years. The
others are Moore, Mecklenburg, Caldwell,
Wake, Cumberland, and Guilford.
• SaySo retired its first board member,
Steaphon James, as he turns 24. Steaphon
is a strong voice for foster youths and will
undoubtedly continue to promote SaySo while in retirement.
• Going “national” has become a common occurrence for SaySo
members. Makeisha is the Senior Youth representative to
the National Independent Living Association (NILA). Melinda
is on the planning committee for the National Alumni
Network (NAN) sponsored by Casey Family Programs. This
is the first attempt to pull together foster/alumni groups, so
SaySo is pleased to be represented. SaySo won the “Everyday
Hero” award in Fostering Families magazine for helping
change the profile of foster youth. And of course, for the
past two years, SaySo has had youth members win the
National Youth of the Year award.
• SaySo elected 18 new members (three representatives from
each of the six regions) to its 2004–05 board. They will be
commissioned at SaySo Orientation June 11-13. They are:
Peaches S. (co-chair) and Brian M. (treasurer)
Region 1 James P., Julia S., Jessica W.
Region 2 Suzanne J., Melinda M., Darnell W.
Region 3 Frank L., Dayshawn M., Lisa W.
Region 4 Megan B., Vivian J., Curtina K.
Region 5 Amanda B., Antwan B., Makeisha W.
Region 6 Jesica B., Daniel S., Lakisha T.
As you can see, SaySo is doing a lot this year – won’t you join
us? It’s free and easy. Just fill out the form at right.
Make a Difference Day Project
The 14th “Make a Difference Day” is Saturday, Oct. 23, 2004.
Make a Difference Day, the largest national day of helping oth-ers,
is sponsored by USA WEEKEND Magazine in partnership
with the Points of Light Foundation. SaySo’s contribution to
this event will be a project called “Giving a Child a Smile.”
Giving a Child a Smile. Did you know that many children
coming into foster care often have to place their treasured pos-sessions
into TRASH BAGS because social services cannot pro-vide
a suitcase for every child? Can you imagine what it feels
like to put the things closest to you into a trash bag while
leaving the only home you have ever known? Well, it has hap-pened
to plenty of us, and we can tell you, IT DOES NOT FEEL
GOOD! SaySo plans to change this by sponsoring a suitcase
collection project for Make a Difference Day.
We are asking all members, local chapters,
and partner organizations to support this
project by helping us collect donated new or
like new suitcases and duffel bags. We want
every foster youth in our state to be treated
with dignity during their moves (which are
so hard to begin with). You can help by do-nating
a suitcase or money for so we can
purchase new bags. Contact the SaySo office
(see below) to request a Project Planning
Packet.
SaySo Goes to the State Capital!
Between June 28 and July 2, 2004, nine
SaySo members will serve as legislative pages
for the Senate, House, and Governor’s, Page
Programs. These programs will give SaySo
youth the opportunity to see firsthand how
laws are made, and to participate in the pro-cess.
Three SaySo-involved youths will participate in each program.
For the Senate and House Page programs, all youths will be
sponsored by a House representative.
We are so excited by this opportunity to help legislators see
that foster care has a real, human face! We also hope our par-ticipation
in this program will open a door so that future SaySo
members will be able to work with legislators and explain to
them that foster youths have the same needs as their own chil-dren.
We hope our pages have fun and pave a path for SaySo
straight to the Capital!
Peaches Sanders is co-chair of the SaySo Board of Directors. Nancy Carter is the
Executive Director of Independent Living Resources, Inc.
Foster teens: Join SAY SO!
SAY SO is Strong Able Youth Speaking Out, a statewide association made up of
youth who are or have been in out-of-home care. This includes all types of
substitute care: foster care, group homes, and mental health placements.
SAY SO’s mission is to work to improve the substitute care system by educating
the community, speaking out about needed changes, and providing support to
youth who are or have been in substitute care.
You can be a member of SAY SO if you are under the age of 24, are currently
or have been in any kind of out-of-home care, including foster or adoptive care.
To join, fill out and mail in the form the below. For more information, contact
Fill out this form and mail it to SAY SO, c/o ILR, Inc., 411 Andrews Rd.,
Ste. 230, Durham, NC 27705, or e-mail it to us at <sayso@ilrinc.com>.
Name: ________________________________________________________
Address: ______________________________________________________
City, State, Zip: ________________________________________________
Age: _______________ E-mail: ___________________________________
Type of out-of-home-placement: __________________________________
North Carolina County I live in now: ______________________________
____________________________________________________________
SaySo forms foundation for retiring
member. The Steaphon James
Foundation helps to support the
medical costs involved with Steaphon’s
Marfan Syndrome (a potentially fatal
disease) while Medicaid is being
appealed. For more information about
the foundation, Marfan Syndrome, or
to make a donation, contact SaySo.
13
Ann
Awaiting adoption in North Carolina
Caroline Robert
Heather
Tarasha
Princess
Larry
Dustin
Right now there are hundreds of children in foster care in North Carolina who
are free for adoption. These children long for parents who can give them a
forever family. Here’s a chance to learn about a few of these great kids.
Ann (d.o.b. 3/29/91)
Her foster mother says Ann is delight-ful
and bright. She enjoys board games,
short trips, and music. Ann’s love of
music extends to singing and she
hopes to be a singer when she grows
up. She has wonderful manners and a
good sense of humor. Adults who have
worked closely with her are very im-pressed
with the positive changes Ann
has made. (NC #034-1263)
Caroline (d.o.b. 12/1/86)
Caroline is a serious and caring young
woman with a strong sense of right
and wrong. She enjoys gardening,
cooking and creative decorating. She
is also very involved with the youth
group at her church. Caroline is an
intelligent girl on the A/B honor roll
at school. Counseling has significantly
improved her relationships with oth-ers.
(NC #004-805)
Tarasha (d.o.b. 12/12/93)
Tarasha can be a very sweet and funny
child. She is playful, creative, and likes
to color, play dress ups, and visit the
park. Tarasha loves other children and
enjoys helping others, especially in
school. She is a talented dancer and
would love to take dancing lessons.
She is a bright child with excellent
grades and has made the school’s A/B
honor roll. (NC #051-1933)
Princess (d.o.b. 4/8/89)
Princess is an energetic girl with a
beautiful smile. She loves to make oth-ers
laugh with jokes and imitations.
Princess is an articulate writer and
loves to create poetry and stories. She
attends special education classes to
help her adjust her behavior and deal
with frustration more easily. She is an
intelligent girl who makes average
grades, but she is capable of doing bet-ter.
(NC #041-854)
Jasper (d.o.b. 7/15/90)
Jasper’s caseworker says he is ex-tremely
charming and has a wonder-ful
sense of humor, which makes him
a lot of fun to be around. He loves to
watch wrestling and Spiderman. Jas-per
is a trivia hound and thrives on
games involving knowledge of any
kind. Although he’s not sure what he
wants to be when he grows up, he’s
certain he wants to go to college.
(NC #098-012)
Heather (d.o.b. 7/23/87)
Heather is a very attractive girl with a
compassionate heart. She has a sweet
disposition and is very caring toward
others. She is an active girl and en-joys
running track. Heather loves to
read anything about the Air Force and
would like to work for them in a civil-ian
capacity. Heather recently changed
schools and has made outstanding
progress. (NC #050-1825)
Robert (d.o.b. 10/5/88)
Robert is a polite, charming young
man who is a great help to his foster
mom. He enjoys yard work and plant-ing
the garden. Robert likes being in-volved
in family activities and spend-ing
time with his extended foster fam-ily.
Robert has gone from being diffi-cult
in class to working hard and be-ing
a favorite of his classmates.
(NC #092-504)
Larry (d.o.b. 10/17/90)
Larry is a good-natured, engaging boy
with a bright outlook on life. He is
affectionate and has a fantastic sense
of humor. He makes every opportu-nity
a personal growth experience.
Larry attends regular classes at
school where he is on the honor roll.
His conduct and attitude have im-proved
tremendously in school and
his aide’s hours are gradually being
reduced. (NC #080-620)
Dustin (d.o.b. 10/25/91)
Dustin is an outgoing young man who
loves attention. According to the
adults who work with him, you can’t
help but fall in love with Dustin. He
enjoys remote controlled cars and
anything that has to do with
Spiderman. Dustin wants to be a car-toon
character when he grows up. He
likes to eat hamburgers and play foot-ball.
(NC #012-898)
Chavida (d.o.b. 10/21/86)
An outgoing and active young lady
with a variety of interests, Chavida’s
favorite place to be is church, whether
she is singing or worshipping. She has
a beautiful voice and enjoys perform-ing
with the choirs at church. Chavida
is very expressive and is able to com-municate
her feelings well. She is cre-ative
and enjoys being challenged.
(NC #092-1926)
Jasper Chavida
For more information on these
children or adoption in general, call
the NC Kids Adoption and Foster
Care Network at 1-877-NCKIDS-1
<www.adoptnckids.org>
14
Parenting the hormonally challenged: Foster and
adopted teens and sexuality by Denise Goodman, PhD
Many parents feel overwhelmed
or tentative about the prospect
of dealing with their teenager’s
emerging sexuality. For many
foster, relative, and adoptive
parents, this task is compli-cated
by the fact that the youth
may have been sexually abused
as a younger child. The follow-ing
points provide a good foun-dation
for parenting teens
around sexuality issues:
1. Be comfortable with your
own sexuality and theirs, too.
Too often, adults are paralyzed
when it comes to discussing
sexuality with teens. Teens are
sexual beings and since birth
have been growing sexually as
well as cognitively, physically,
socially, morally, and emotion-ally.
However, the influx of hor-mones
and the onset of puberty
put sexual growth in the fore-front
of the youth’s develop-mental
processes. While there
are many “normal” behaviors
during this stage, promiscuity,
sexual aggression, and gender
identity issues may be signals
that the youth is dealing with
past abuse issues.
2. Build trust: Teens who
have been sexually abused of-ten
lack basic trust in adults.
They may be scared of the dark,
the bathroom, the basement, or
a medical examination. It is
critical that parents be sup-portive
by accompanying the
teen to the doctor’s office or by
installing night lights (without
drawing attention to the teen’s
fear). Teenagers need to know
that they can count on consis-tency,
honesty and support from
their parents to make them feel
safe and secure.
3. Set clear boundaries:
Sexually abused youth have had
their basic physical boundaries
violated. Foster, relative, and
adoptive parents must work to
restore them. Clear boundaries
that apply to all family mem-bers
must be set for dress, pri-vacy,
and physical touch:
DRESS: Examples for dress
are that every family member
must be covered when coming
out of the bathroom or bed-room,
no coming to breakfast
in your underwear, and the
youth can’t see company with-out
proper clothing. Support
and encouragement during
shopping trips can assist in
more appropriate clothing se-lections.
PRIVACY: Examples for re-es-tablishing
a sense of privacy are
knocking or warning before
entering bedrooms and bath-rooms
and making rules about
when it’s okay to close doors.
Another rule of privacy is that
no one listens to another’s
phone conversations or opens
another’s mail.
PHYSICAL TOUCH: Parents
must approach physical touch
with caution, and caregivers
should avoid any contact that
could be misconstrued as
abuse. The parent should gain
the teen’s permission to hug or
touch him or her. Rules for
touch should generally be that
“ok” touches are above the
shoulder and below the knee,
and the youth should have the
power to decline any physical
affection or touch.
4. Learn to talk with teens
about sex: To assist youth in
dealing with their victimization
or to support their normal
sexual growth and develop-ment,
parents must use the
correct language and not slang
names or euphemisms. Parents
who avoid conversations about
sexuality force teens to learn
from unreliable and inaccurate
sources such as their peers,
siblings, or the media. Parents
can think about the five tough-est
questions they could be
asked and prepare answers so
that if the opportunity presents
itself, they will be prepared.
5. Educate the youth: It is
important to give teenagers ac-curate
information about sex,
sexuality, and human reproduc-tion.
This may be difficult for
parents who may feel educa-tion
will lead to sexual inter-course
and experimentation.
However, teens need informa-tion,
not taboos. Sexually
abused children need to learn
about the emotional side of
sex, as they have been pre-maturely
exposed to the
physical side of sex. Both
boys and girls need to learn
about birth control and sexu-ally
transmitted diseases.
Parents can seek help from
community agencies such as
Planned Parenthood and Fam-ily
Planning.
6. Use the “3 C’S” in an
emergency: It is not uncommon
for a parent to encounter a
��sexual situation” that involves
their teen. Consequently, all
parents must be prepared to
handle these incidents as thera-peutically
as possible.
CALM: The parent must re-main
calm while confronting
the situation, even if it requires
getting calm or faking calm.
When parents are in control of
themselves, they are able to use
more effective strategies to
handle the situation.
CONFRONT: The parent
must confront any behaviors
that are unacceptable. This in-formation
should be given spe-cifically
and gently without
threatening or shaming. Too
many times parents say, “Don’t
do that” or “Stop it” without
being specific. Teens can be-come
confused or ashamed if
they are not confronted directly
and supportively.
CORRECT: Since a teen’s be-havior
is purposeful, the par-ent
must offer the youth a sub-stitute
behavior to use when
the need arises. The parent
should suggest alternatives that
are more acceptable and appro-priate
given the situation. When
the youth uses the alternative
behavior, the parent should
give positive reinforcement.
7. Advocate: Parents must
advocate for the needs of their
children. Teens who have been
sexually victimized may need a
variety of services; therefore,
the foster, adoptive, or kin par-ent
should advocate with the
social worker, agency, or the
mental health center until the
services are in place. This may
mean that the parent calls ev-ery
week or even every day and
leaves messages. The parent
may need to contact managers
or administrators to obtain ser-vices
for their teen. In other
words, keep asking until you
get what you need for your
child.
Conclusion
Sexuality is a normal part of
human growth and develop-ment.
Every teen, including
you and me, struggled to fig-ure
out who we were as sexual
beings. Today’s teens are bom-barded
with sexual stimuli in
music, on TV, in the movies,
and on the radio. Coupled with
a past history of sexual abuse,
it can be a daunting task for a
teen to come to terms with who
they are sexually. Be support-ive
and understanding...and
remember, a sense of humor
goes a long way.
Denise Goodman, PhD is an adoption
consultant and trainer with 25 years ex-perience
in child welfare, protective ser-vices,
and foster parenting. She currently
conducts workshops and consultations
throughout the U.S. on topics related to
foster care and adoption. Address: 1824
Snouffer Road, Worthington, OH, 43085.
E-mail: dagphd@aol.com
All teens struggle to figure out
who they are as sexual beings.
Foster and adoptive parents must
be ready to guide and support
them.
15
Foster parent training: “Helping Youth Reach Self-Sufficiency”
Here’s an opportunity for foster parents to learn how to teach a
course for foster parents AND help foster teens prepare to live
on their own.
Independent Living Resources, based in Durham, is recruit-ing
foster parents interested in spending the weekend of Octo-ber
15–17, 2004 in Burlington to learn what it takes to be a
foster parent trainer on topics related to foster teens.
The course, “Helping Youths Reach Self-Sufficiency,” covers
the basics of independent living, including assessing youths,
making decisions, and building assets, as well as how to use
education, employment, and the community in the process.
Foster parent participants will also learn to organize a two-hour
training for other foster parents in their area. Partici-pants
will have an opportunity to practice training skills at the
seminar. Upon returning home, the foster parent trainers will
conduct trainings locally. A follow-up class will be offered sev-eral
months later for the participants to share their experi-ences
and learn new training techniques.
The course is sponsored by the NC LINKS program and is
offered FREE to foster parents. The LINKS program will pay
lodging and meals for foster parents to attend. Prior to register-ing
for the course, attendees must ask their licensing worker
to support them in this effort to train foster parents.
The seminar begins at 3 P.M. on Fri., October 15 and ends at 1
P.M. on Sun., October 17, 2004. To register, complete this regis-tration
form and return it to ILR, Inc., 411 Andrews Road, Suite
230, Durham, NC 27705 or fax to (919) 384-0338. Registration
Deadline: September 6, 2004. For more information, contact
Nancy Carter (800/820-0001; nancy.carter@ilrinc.com).
“Helping Youth Reach Self-Sufficiency”
Residency Training Registration Form
Independent Living Resources, Inc.
411 Andrews Road, Suite 230, Durham, NC 27705
(919) 384-1457 or fax (919) 384-0338
Fill out this form (please print) and mail or fax to above address.
Registration Deadline: September 6, 2004
Registrant Information:
Name: ___________________________________________________________
Address: _________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
City: _____________________________ State: _______ Zip: ______________
Phone: ________________________ Fax: _____________________________
Agency: __________________________________________________________
Agency Address (if different than above): ______________________________
________________________________________________________________
Participant Interest:
How do you plan to use the skills learned in this seminar?
Do you have training experience?
When do you anticipate conducting your first foster parent training?
Place and Time: Ramada Inn, Burlington, NC.
• Friday, 10/15: 3:00 – 8:00 P.M.
• Saturday, 10/16: 9:00 A.M. – 4:00 P.M.
• Sunday, 10/17: 9:00 A.M. – 1:00 P.M.
Federal Tax for Next Year
It’s not too early to think about preparing your taxes,
so make a note of this: every year Casey Family
Programs produces a booklet explaining rules and
offering tips on ways foster, adoptive, and kinship
families can legally claim the maximum tax benefits
available to them. You can find this handy resource
at <http://www.casey.org/Resources/Publications/>
Program offers college scholarships to foster youth
College has a lot to offer adolescents ag-ing
out of foster care. Specifically, it can:
• Help them make the transition from
family life to independence
• Enhance their earning potential, and
• Give them a chance to learn skills and
experiences that will make their lives as
adults richer and more rewarding
(McClain, 2004).
Given these benefits, foster parents and
social workers are doing everything they
can to encourage foster teens to prepare
for and attend higher education.
The cost of college, however, can be
shocking. According to National Public
Radio (2004), for the past 25 years, uni-versity
tuition costs have risen faster than
family incomes. In 2003, the average tu-ition
for a four-year public college jumped
14%. Clearly, when it comes to paying for
college, most foster families need all the
help they can get.
Luckily, we now have the North Caro-lina
Education and Training Voucher (NC
ETV) Program. This program, which of-fers
funds to foster youth and former fos-ter
youth to enable them to attend col-leges,
universities, and vocational train-ing
institutions, is now accepting applica-tions
for funding for the 2003-2004 school
year. Program details include:
• Students may receive up to $5,000 a
year for college or job training.
• The funds may be used for tuition,
books, or qualified living expenses.
• The funds are available on a first-come,
first-served basis to students out of the
North Carolina foster care system.
Eligibility Requirements
1. If the young person is eligible for the
NC LINKS program they are eligible for
the ETV Program – they must have
been in foster care as a teenager and
must be a citizen or qualified
noncitizen. They may not have
personal assets of more than $10,000.
2. They aged out of the foster care system
at age 18 or were adopted from foster
care with adoption finalization after
their 16th birthday.
3. They must be 18, 19, or 20 years of
age to enter the ETV program.
4. They have been accepted into or are en-rolled
in a degree, certificate, or other
accredited program at a college,
university, technical or vocational school
and show progress
towards that degree
or certificate.
To apply, go to <www.state
voucher.org>, click on
North Carolina on the map,
and follow the link to the ap-plication.
If you have questions,
send e-mail to etv@state
voucher.org or call 800/950-
4673 and ask to speak to the
NC ETV Program Coordinator.
Sources
McClain, L. (2004). Preparing foster teens for college. Foster-ing
Families Today (Jan./Feb. 2004), 48–48.
National Public Radio. (2004). College tuition hikes outpac-ing
incomes. Morning Edition, March 25. www.npr.org
NONPROFIT ORG.
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
CHAPEL HILL, NC
Jordan Institute for Families PERMIT NO. 177
UNC School of Social Work
Campus Box #3550
Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3550
Writing Contest
FIRST PRIZE: $100
SECOND PRIZE: $50
THIRD PRIZE: $25
Send us a letter or short essay answering this question:
Did you ever have a social worker you really
liked? What made that person special?
Deadline: August 11, 2004
Anyone under 21 who is or has been in foster care or
a group home can enter. Mail your letter to:
John McMahon, Editor
Fostering Perspectives Newsletter
Jordan Institute for Families
340 Victoria Rd., Pines Bldg., Room 403
Asheville, NC 28801
Include your name, age, address, social security number (used to process awards only,
confidentiality will be protected) and phone number. In addition to receiving the awards
specified above, winners will have their work published in the next issue. Runners-up may
also have their work published in Fostering Perspectives, for which they will also receive a
cash award.
We’re Also Seeking Artwork
Submissions can be on any theme. Submission requirements described above also apply to
submissions of artwork, which should be mailed flat (unfolded) on white, unlined paper.
Views on Foster Care and Adoption in North Carolina
Submissions that do not appear in the print edition of Fostering Per-spectives
may be published in a new newsletter, Carolina Originals.
Authors and artists published in Carolina Originals will receive a free
copy of the issue in which their work appears.
Get in-service training credit
for reading this newsletter!
Enjoy reading Fostering Perspectives and earn credit toward
your relicensure. Just write down the answers to the ques-tions
below and present them to your social worker. If your
answers are satisfactory, you’ll receive 30 minutes of credit
toward your in-service training requirement. Questions
about this method of gaining in-service credit? Contact the
N.C. Division of Social Services at 919/733-7672.
In-Service Quiz, FP v8#2
1. How old is Kay Gillis’ goddaughter?
2. What is the purpose of the ten-day camp Passage to
Adoption?
3. Name four things social workers can do to support fos-ter
parents when placements end.
4. The majority of children who are adopted from foster
care are eligible for adoption assistance. What things
are usually covered under adoption assistance?
5. What are Elizabeth Cassedy’s concerns about using
food as leverage in parenting foster children?
6. What is “Undy Sunday” and when is it?
7. Name three things that Caroline likes to do.
8. What did the NC Foster Parents Association do last
year that proved its advocacy efforts have a real and
positive impact on North Carolina’s foster parents?
9. What project is SaySo undertaking as its contribution
to Make A Difference Day?
10. What are some of the ways foster, relative, and adop-tive
parents can help restore physical boundaries for
youths who have been sexually abused?