#55 | September 2008
Making Friends
Assisting Children’s Early Relationships
Inclusive settings are challenging age-old stereotypes about how children with and without
disabilities interact. Peek inside a preschool inclusive classroom and you will often find typically
developing children altering their games
so that children with disabilities can play along.
At circle time, children who need help sitting up
are supported by classmates. Children crouch
down to speak eye-to-eye to their friend in a
wheelchair. In short, friendships are forming.
fpg Scientists Barbara Davis Goldman and
Virginia Buysse explore these friendships, as
well as those between very young children, in
the chapter “Friendships in Very Young Children”
in Contemporary Perspectives on Research in
Socialization and Social Development.
In the past, the authenticity of friendships
among children with and without disabilities
and among very young children has been
questioned. However, as Goldman and Buysse
note, there are many studies which show that
these children can and do form friendships.
The focus of this chapter is on sharing the
descriptive evidence of early friendships
between very young children, and young
children with disabilities. They also suggest
ways that parents and teachers can use the information to help identify and foster these relationships
in young children with and without disabilities.
Characteristics of Friendship
In very young children, as with older children, friendship is defined as a positive relationship between
two children. Young children who are friends are interested in being near one another, have fun together,
will choose to play with one another over others in a group, and challenge themselves and the friend to
try new and more complicated tasks.
Some interactions between children of this age may appear to the casual observer to be meaningless
or without structure, yet many involve reciprocal turn-taking, and a clear awareness of how the actions
fit together. These early “games” can help solidify a growing friendship. Often young children interact
by copying one another. One child will perform an action, and then look at the other child, using body
language to ask them to repeat the same action. This creates a similarity between the children. When
children cannot yet speak, this seems to say, “Look, I like to do the same things you do!” Mimicking
behavior shows cooperation and the desire to keep the interaction going. These games can have their
own set of rules that the two children make up, and can be played once, or repeatedly, often across days.
These are among the most complex interactions for toddlers, both requiring and encouraging the child
and the friend to develop socially and cognitively.
FPG authors
Barbara Goldman
and Virginia
Buysse suggest
ways parents
and teachers can
identify and foster
young friendships
in children with
and without
disabilities.