Views on Foster Care and Adoption in North Carolina
fostering perspectives November 2007 • Vol. 12, No. 1 www.fosteringperspectives.org
Sponsored by the NC Division of Social Services and the Family and Children’s Resource Program
Staying focused in a time of change
In This Issue
Sexually abused children ....... 3
NC’s federal review ................. 4
MRS update ........................... 5
Honoring NC’s foster and
adoptive parents .................... 7
Kids and monthly visits ......... 8
What teens want from foster
parents................................... 9
Griefwork in child welfare .... 12
cont. p. 2
There is a lot of change afoot in
North Carolina’s child welfare
system.
Just consider: a new federal
law gives foster parents the right
to be heard at court hearings. We
have new foster home licensing
rules. We have new information
from the federal government
about where our child welfare sys-tem
is doing well and a new Pro-gram
Improvement Plan to help
us strengthen areas that need it.
And of course we have MRS, the
system reform effort that went
statewide in 2006 and is still very
much underway.
All of these things have impli-cations
for foster parents, social
workers, and children in care.
But wait! There’s more. In ad-dition
to these system-level
changes, we continue to face those
changes that are a permanent part
of foster care: the developmental
challenges all kids experience, the
struggle of children and their
families to adjust to placement,
staff and foster parent turnover,
long-awaited court decisions . . .
This newsletter can’t make
change go away. It can, however,
provide information to help you
navigate the swirling waters of
change and offer encouragement
to help you stay focused on what
really matters: making a positive
difference in the lives of children
and their families.
How will new licensing rules affect NC’s foster parents?
Why Does NC License Foster Homes?
For the Children. Because they have been abused and neglected,
children placed in foster care sometimes have needs and maladaptive
behaviors that other children don’t. Children placed in foster care need
and deserve temporary caretakers who understand their situation and who
can meet their individual needs. Licensing is one way to ensure that foster
families are up to the task of caring for these children.
For Birth Families. Although the parents of children in foster care have
been temporarily deprived of custody, they have a right to expect that the
care being provided to their children is at least equal to the care that they
themselves would provide. Licensing ensures that foster parents have met
certain minimum criteria in training and other areas.
For Foster Parents. The licensing process ensures that foster parents
know about the risks and rewards involved in fostering, receive the
information they need to care for children in foster care, and make an
informed choice about whether to foster. Licensing helps assure that foster
families and the agency have a working partnership that is centered on
building on the strengths and meeting the needs of children and families.
For the Child-Placing Agency. In North Carolina the ultimate legal and
moral responsibility for ensuring the safety, well-being, and permanence
of a child in foster care rests with the county department of social services
that has custody of that child. If the child is being cared for through a
contract with a private agency, the private agency has legal and moral
responsibilities as well. Licensing is a way to make sure that these parties
are legally protected and working as a team to live up to their responsibilities
to families and children.
From A Supplemental Guide to Foster Home Licensing (NCDSS, 2007)
On September 1, 2007, some im-portant
rules for licensing foster
homes in North Carolina changed.
The biggest impact of this change
will be felt by our state’s public and
private child-placing agencies. But
if you are a North Carolina foster
parent, you will be affected as well.
This article provides an overview
of the rule changes and tells you
how to learn more.
Updating the Rules
To protect the public, practitioners
of many professions must be li-censed
either by the government or
a professional society. Physicians,
psychologists, hairdressers, and
electricians all fall into this category.
Although foster parents differ
from these licensed professionals
in that they aren’t paid for what they
do, in North Carolina foster par-ents,
too, must be licensed. The box
at right explains why.
In our state foster parents are li-censed
by the NC Division of Social
Services and supervised by a pub-lic
or private agency that trains and
supports them. To be licensed a fos-ter
parent must comply with certain
rules established by the state.
Periodically the Division and its
partners assess licensing rules to
ensure they are effective and that
they help the state meet its moral
and legal obligations to provide the
best care possible to children in fos-ter
care.
The new rules discussed in this
article are the result of one of these
periodic reviews. They are the prod-uct
of a process that took almost
three years and involved input from
foster parents, youth in foster care,
staff from public and private agen-cies,
university partners, and rep-resentatives
from numerous asso-ciations
and state agencies.
Key Changes
Here is a summary of licensing rule
changes that will be of particular in-terest
to foster parents. This is not
a comprehensive listing of rule
changes. Unless otherwise noted,
the rules discussed went into effect
September 1, 2007.
2
Fostering Perspectives Vol. 12, No. 1
(November 2007)
Copyright © 2007 by UNC-CH
Sponsors. NC Division of Social Services, the NC Foster
and Adoptive Parent Association, SaySo (Strong Able
Youth Speaking Out), and the Jordan Institute for Families,
part of the School of Social Work at UNC–Chapel Hill.
Contact Us. Fostering Perspectives, c/o John McMahon,
Jordan Institute for Families, 1459 Sand Hill Road, No.
6, Candler NC 28715. Tel: 828/670-5051; Fax: 828/670-
5053; E-mail: johnmcmahon @mindspring.com.
Advisory Board. Becky Burmester (foster and adoptive
parent); Elizabeth Cassedy (adoptive parent); Nancy
Carter (Independent Living Resources); Stacey Darbee
(NC Foster & Adoptive Parent Assoc.); Nancy Dunham
(Alamance County DSS); Karen LeClair (Family Support
Network–NC); Co-Wefa Lyda (NC Foster & Adoptive
Parent Assoc.); Marie Montague (Durham County DSS);
Jeanne Preisler (Omni Visions); Beverley Smith (NC Kids
Adoption and Foster Care Network).
Editorial Staff. Teresa Turner (Editor-in-Chief),
John McMahon (Editor)
Mission. Fostering Perspectives exists to promote the
professional development of North Carolina’s child wel-fare
workers and foster and adoptive parents and to pro-vide
a forum where the people involved in the child
welfare system can exchange ideas about foster care and
adoption in our state.
Disclaimer. The opinions and beliefs expressed herein
are not necessarily those of the NC Division of Social
Services or the UNC–Chapel Hill School of Social Work.
Printing Information. The NC Department of Health
and Human Services does not discriminate on the basis
of race, color, national origin, sex, religion, age, or dis-ability
in employment or the provision of services. 11,900
copies printed at a cost of $3,719.62 or $0.31 per copy.
Frequency and Distribution. Issues appear every
May and November. Printed copies are sent directly to
all NC county DSS’s and to all foster parents and group
homes licensed through the NC Division of Social Ser-vices.
If you think you should be receiving a printed copy
but are not, please contact us at the address above.
Online. www.fosteringperspectives.org
Subscribe Online. To be notified via e-mail when
new issues appear online, send e-mail to
johnmcmahon@mindspring.com with “FP subscribe” in
the subject line.
References. See the online version of this issue for
references cited in this issue.
New licensing rules continued from page 1
1. Reduced Capacity of Foster Homes
The capacity rules for family foster care and
therapeutic foster care have changed.
Family Foster Care. Under the new rules,
no more than five total children can be cared
for in the home. This includes children in fos-ter
care, the foster parent’s children, licensed
capacity for in-home day care, children kept
for babysitting, and any other children living
in the home.
Effective Date: Family foster homes receiv-ing
their first license after September 1, 2007
cannot have more than five children in the
home. Already-licensed family foster homes
have until July 1, 2008 to reduce the total
number of children in the home to five. Note:
Exceptions to this rule can be made in order
to place siblings together, as long as the plac-ing
agency documents the need for this ex-ception
as outlined in the new rules [see 70E
.1001 (c) (1), (3), (4)].
Therapeutic Foster Care. Under the new
rules only two foster children can be placed in
a therapeutic foster home. This change was
made so that the Division’s rules are consis-tent
with the Medicaid/Mental Health service
definition of therapeutic foster care.
In addition, under the new rules no more
than four total children can live in a therapeu-tic
foster home.
Effective Date: Therapeutic foster homes
receiving their first license after September
1, 2007 cannot have more than two foster
children in the home. Already-licensed thera-peutic
foster homes have until January 1,
2008 to reduce the total number of foster
children in the home to two. Note: the Divi-sion
permits an increase in the number of
foster children in therapeutic foster homes if
it means siblings will be placed together, as
long as the placing agency documents the need
for this exception as outlined in the new rules.
However this exception CANNOT be imple-mented
until there is a change in the Mental
Health/Medicaid service definition.
2. All Adults Must Be Licensed
Under the new rules, individuals who are mar-ried
or are considered a couple are presumed
to be co-parents. Therefore both must com-plete
the licensing process.
Similarly, the new rules also state that any
adult (21 years of age or older) living in the
foster home is presumed to have parental re-sponsibilities
for children in foster care and
therefore must meet all requirements for fos-ter
care licensing. This includes the require-ments
for pre-service and ongoing training.
Effective Date: For already-licensed foster
homes, supervising agencies must provide
training and complete all required licensure
requirements for all adults residing in the
home by September 1, 2008. Waivers may be
granted if the supervising agency documents
that the adult has absolutely no responsibil-ity
for the care, supervision, or discipline of
children in foster care.
3. Restricted Sleeping Arrangements
Under the new rules all children must have
their own beds and may not share a bed.
4. Additions to Signed Agreements
There have been some key additions to the
agreements foster parents and agencies must
sign. New to the Foster Parents’ Agreement is
a clause that pertains to supervision of chil-dren
in foster care. It states that the foster
parent shall “provide any child placed in the
home with supervision at all times while the
child is in the home [and] not leave the child
unsupervised.” If an older child can be left
alone for certain time frames these must be
spelled out in the out-of-home family services
agreement or person-centered plan.
The new rules also require agencies to com-mit
in writing to: (1) include foster parents
as part of the decision-making team for a
child, and (2) allow foster parents to review
and receive copies of their licensing record.
Also, previously the rules addressed proper
treatment of children in foster care (e.g., no
cruel, abusive, or corporal punishment, etc.).
Many (but not all) agencies used Discipline
Agreements to meet these requirements. Now,
under the new licensing rules, all agencies are
required to develop a Discipline Agreement.
Both the Foster Parents’ Agreement and the
Discipline Agreement must be signed and
dated by the foster parents and an agency rep-resentative
before initial licensure and
relicensure; a copy of each must be retained
by the foster parents and the agency.
5. Training Requirements
Therapeutic Foster Care. Effective Janu-ary
1, 2008, therapeutic foster parents are
required to receive 10 hours of pre-service
training in a specific curriculum. Supervis-ing
agencies must also make this curriculum
available to currently licensed therapeutic
foster parents.
All Foster Parents. Under the new rules
foster parents must complete training in the
areas of first-aid, CPR, medication adminis-tration,
and universal precautions before a
child is placed in their home. (Under the old
rule foster parents had a year to complete this
training after licensure.) The new rules also
make it clear that foster parents must receive
10 hours of in-service training each year.
6. Children’s Rights
Under the new rules foster parents must en-sure
children are provided with opportuni-ties
to participate in recreational activities
(e.g., afterschool sports, clubs, etc.).
To Learn More
• Talk to your licensing social worker, since
this person is responsible for guiding you
through the relicensing process.
• Read the new rules online. Go to
<www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/licensing>
and click on “foster care rules.”
• Use this same link to find a Supplemental
Guide to Foster Home Licensing.
Licensing professionals are the primary
audience, but you may find it helpful.
3
How can foster
parents address
troubling
behaviors while
helping children
feel safe?
Helping children who have been sexually abused
It is not uncommon for
children placed in foster
care to have been sexu-ally
abused. Often social
workers placing these
children are not aware
of the sexual abuse.
In many cases, this
abuse is first discovered
by the child’s foster fam-ily.
Night time and bath
time are scary for many
children who have expe-rienced
sexual abuse.
Having a caregiver there
to console them and listen to them
may bring forth birth family se-crets.
As children feel more secure,
they may gradually share details of
things that have happened to them.
Given this, foster and adoptive
parents must learn all they can
about the needs of the child in care.
Child Sexual Abuse
Child sexual abuse is the interac-tion,
including non-physical con-tact
(such as verbal abuse, expo-sure,
or pornographic photos) and
physical contact between a child
and a person in a power position,
in which the child is used for sexual
gratification of the abuser and/or
others. Child sexual abuse can be
perpetrated by anyone, but we will
focus on family abuse (incest).
Children who have been sexually
abused by a family member are
often enveloped into a secret life.
There are many reasons these chil-dren
don’t tell, including:
1. They don’t understand that it
is wrong. It is a family cycle. Chil-dren
are kept in seclusion without
outside interactions to sustain the
secret.
2. The child may not have the
verbal capacity to tell. Words like
“vagina” could have been replaced
by the offender with “knee” to dis-guise
sexual abuse if disclosed by
the young child.
3. Children are taught to respect
and obey adults. Adults forget to
explain that there are limits to this
obedience.
4. Children feel guilty if telling
could cause their loved one
(abuser) to go to jail or their fam-ily
to be broken apart.
5. Boys feel ashamed
because they are taught to
fight and take control.
They may worry the abuse
will “make them” homo-sexual.
Society makes it
hard for boys to tell.
Sometimes there is a
parent in the home who did
not know about the abuse.
Abusers work very hard to
keep the incest a secret,
setting up private time with
the child and pressuring
them with words or actions
not to tell anyone. If the non-offend-ing
parent did know about or suspect
the sexual abuse, she or he may have
been too ashamed to seek help. Or,
the parent may have feared the break-up
of the family or the loss of the
abuser’s love or support.
Women sexually abuse children,
too. We seldom catch them because
we openly accept their “nurturing
behaviors.” A woman bathing, sleep-ing
with, dressing, and touching chil-dren
seems normal to society. We do
not easily suspect a woman may be
crossing the line from nurturing to
sexual abuse. In other cases, a
woman may not abuse the child her-self,
but may allow or set up access
to the child.
Addressing Behaviors
How can caregivers help a child feel
safe, not over-controlled and not
guilty? There are common behaviors
of sexually abused children that chal-lenge
caregivers. Excessive mastur-bating
in public, lack of boundaries,
and sexually playing with toys are a
few examples. These are “learned”
behaviors and can be replaced with
more appropriate ones if patiently
taught by caring foster or adoptive
parents. But this isn’t one person’s
job: it is the treatment team’s respon-sibility
to do this together.
In the adjacent box you will find
some suggestions for ways to address
certain behaviors and make children
who have been sexually abused feel
safe.
Adapted from “Foster Parenting a Sexually
Abused Child” by Donna Gillespie Foster, from
Fostering Perspectives, Vol. 5, No. 1.
Ways to Help Sexually Abused Children
1. Be friendly but clear with your household rules. Develop a plan
that spells out how to live in your home. Don’t assume children know
these things. Write it down and give a copy to your social worker so he or
she is aware how your family functions. This can be helpful if anyone
questions your life-style.
Note: Rules are developed only when there is a need. For example,
masturbation is a common and natural way for children to soothe
themselves. It can become an excessive need for a child who has been
sexually stimulated over a long time period. It can show up when the child
is insecure, deep in thought, etc. Many times, the child isn’t aware of what
he or she is doing. Instead of shaming the child, establish guidelines for
what children should do if they find they need to “touch themselves.”
Suggested Guidelines: Must be alone with door shut and shades closed,
don’t cause pain or bleeding, no objects can be used, time alone is limited
to 15 minutes. Add the guidelines you feel are important. Then give children
the opportunity to develop self-esteem and other interests. Their need to
masturbate will usually lessen.
2. Listen to the child when he or she is disclosing; don’t tell the child
how to feel or what to say. Children don’t always need advice, but they
do need to vent. Let them use their own words, even if they are offensive
to you. You can help them replace their offensive words with more
acceptable ones later when they aren’t opening their souls up to you.
Build trust. Do not promise not to tell anyone what is shared. Rather, say,
“I won’t share the information unless I feel there is someone who can
help. I will tell you who I feel we need to share this information with.”
3. Don’t talk badly about the child’s birth family. A child’s family is
part of her identity; these connections are vital to the outcome of her life.
If she is currently separated from the non-offender and her siblings, she
may feel isolated and afraid. Helping the child to visit her family will help
build the child’s trust in you.
4. Record any information, such as birth parents’ behavior with child,
signals of sexual abuse of the child, and disclosures from the child or family.
Report these to the child’s social worker immediately. Report your reactions
to what you observed. Keep a copy of everything you submit.
5. Let the child talk about his feelings about his family, including the
offender. Regardless of how we feel about them, incest perpetrators are
still very important to the families they have betrayed. In psychological
terms they are still central attachments for the family. You might want to
tell the child, “There are safe ways parents can show children ‘love’ and
that is what the social workers and doctors are trying to teach your parents.”
6. Teach the child some of the other ways parents can show children
caring and love. This is another reason why foster and adoptive parents
have to be friendly and clear with boundaries: so the child can learn.
Remember, repeating the rules and expectations will be necessary until
the child can create new, positive habits. This is an opportunity to work on
enhancing the child’s self-esteem by spending quality time with him. Show
the child how to have fun, laugh, and play. This may be the first time the
child has freely experienced this type of interaction.
7. Create a “life book” with the child to help her put her past, present,
and future into perspective. It will help lessen her confusion. Social workers
and therapists can use the life book as a tool in counseling the child.
8. Make it clear that adults are responsible for keeping kids safe.
Children often feel they caused the abuse and are to blame for all that’s
happened in their family. It is very healing for a child simply to be in a
home with clear rules and expectations, enforced consistently and fairly
by the adults. This helps children understand they are responsible for their
own actions, but not the actions of adults.
9. Ask for help when needed. If a child continues to show sexualized
behavior that cannot be redirected, he or she may need help from a
therapist experienced in working with children who have been sexually
abused. Children might also have problems with depression, anxiety, and
other disorders. Talk with the child’s treatment team about any signs that
the child is distressed or having difficulty functioning.
4
What you should know about recent federal review of NC
This spring the federal govern-ment
assessed our state’s child
welfare system using the Child
and Family Services Review, a for-mal
assessment process that oc-curs
every five years or so. Be-cause
it can influence the focus
and direction of a state’s child
welfare system for years, this re-view
is a relatively big deal.
North Carolina expended quite
a bit of energy in 2007 preparing
for the review, participating in the
review in March, and waiting for
the results. Now they are in.
This article explores the con-clusions
reached by North
Carolina’s latest review and their
implications for our system.
The CFSR Process
When it conducts the Child and
Family Services Review (CFSR),
the federal government assesses
a state child welfare system’s abil-ity
to achieve positive outcomes
for children and families in three
broad areas: safety, permanency,
and well-being. There are many
specific indicators under each of
these categories, each of which is
given a rating by reviewers based
on the extent to which federal
benchmarks are met.
To assess a state, reviewers
draw on many sources of infor-mation,
including quantitative
statewide data, interviews with
child welfare system stakeholders
(including families, children, and
foster parents), and a review of
65 case files from three counties.
Catawba, Mecklenburg, and Nash
counties were the three that par-ticipated
in our 2007 review.
Strengths
Federal reviewers identified many
strengths in our state’s child wel-fare
system. Those of special
interest to foster parents include:
• Education. Reviewers said
North Carolina does a good
job providing services to meet
children’s educational needs.
• Placements close to home.
Reviewers celebrated the fact
that children are often placed
close to parents and possible
permanent caregivers.
• Siblings placed together.
The CFSR found NC children
Important New North Carolina Laws
• A New Right to Be Heard in Court. Until recently, foster parents
in North Carolina had an “opportunity” to be heard at court
hearings. Thanks to 2007 legislation passed by the NC Legislature
(HB 698), as of October 1, 2007, foster parents have a “right” to
be heard in court. To exercise this right you must be in court. DSS
is required to inform you about court dates, so make sure you know what their process
is to keep you informed.
• Change in Criminal History Requirements. To comply with the federal Adam Walsh
Act, North Carolina passed a law (HB 698) prohibiting individuals convicted or indicted
for the following crimes from providing foster care or adopting children: (1) child
abuse or neglect; (2) spousal abuse; (3) a crime against a child, including child
pornography; (4) a crime involving violence, including rape, sexual assault, or homicide,
no matter when it occurred. Individuals with a felony conviction or pending felony
indictment for physical assault, battery, or a drug-related offense are also prohibited
from providing foster care or adopting children if the offense was committed within
the past five years. Agencies conduct criminal history checks on foster parents when
they first obtain their license and every time a license is renewed (every 2 years).
• Sharing of Nonidentifying Information about Adoptees’ Birth Families. As of January
1, 2008, North Carolina law (HB 445) permits private child-placing agencies and
county DSS agencies (1) to perform confidential intermediary services for adoptees
age 21 or older without a court order; (2) to obtain and share nonidentifying birth
family health information or facilitate contact or share identifying information with
adult adoptees, adult lineal descendants with deceased adoptees, and biological parents
with the written consent of all parties to the contact or sharing of information; (3) to
obtain and share nonidentifying information with adoptive parents of minor adoptees
without appointment by the court.
Source: http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2007/Bills/House/HTML/H445v4.html
http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2007/Bills/House/HTML/H698v5.html
were consistently
placed with siblings
unless there was a
valid reason not to.
• Health. Reviewers
found our state to be
effective in address-ing
the physical
health needs of
children involved in the child
welfare system.
• Meeting foster parent needs.
The CFSR concluded NC
agencies are “highly effective”
with regard to assessing and
meeting the service needs of
children and foster parents.
• LINKS. The CFSR stated that
although services to help
children transition from foster
care to independent living are
of very high quality, there are
not enough of these services.
Needs
Although these findings are good,
federal reviewers also identified
a great number of areas where the
performance of our system needs
improvement. Some of the most
significant concerns pertain to:
• Placement instability: it found
most foster care placement
changes were due to the
child’s behavior and the lack
of intervention on the part of
the agency to support foster
families before behavior
problems resulted in a
disrupted placement
• Inconsistent efforts to target
recruitment of foster homes
for special populations
• Insufficient involvement of
children’s fathers and paternal
relatives
• Delays and barriers to filing
for or achieving termination of
parental rights (TPR)
• Lack of the substance abuse
treatment, mental health, and
domestic violence services
needed to address the needs
of children and families
served by child welfare
There are many more. Although
these are serious concerns, it is
worth noting that the Administra-tion
for Children and Families it-self
states that it has set a very
high standard of performance for
the review to encourage
states to achieve positive
outcomes for children
and families.
Now What?
In response to the CFSR
findings and in consul-tation
with the federal
government, our state is develop-ing
a Program Improvement Plan
(PIP) to enhance its child welfare
system. Workgroups of statewide
stakeholders convened in May to
focus on improvements in five key
areas: (1) child, youth, and fam-ily
involvement, (2) court involve-ment,
(3) accountability, (4) cul-tural
competence, and (5) inter-agency
collaboration. Based on
input from these groups, North
Carolina is seeking to:
• Enhance court collaboration
to address delays
• Reduce placement moves for
children in foster care
• Strengthen the child and
family team meeting process
• Improve targeted
recruitment of foster parents
• Redesign NC’s quality
assurance system (e.g., the
Division’s periodic reviews of
county DSS agencies)
• Engage in strategic planning
with county DSS supervisors
to address practice and
system issues
• Address the disproportionate
representation of African-
Americans in the system
As you can tell from looking at this
list—which isn’t comprehensive—
the impact of the CFSR will be felt
by foster parents and everyone
else involved with child welfare in
North Carolina for some time.
To Learn More
• To read the CFSR, go to <http://
www.ncdhhs.gov/dss/stats/docs/
NC%20CFSR%202007%20Final%
20Report.pdf>
This review is
a big deal—it
can influence
a state’s child
welfare system
for years.
The
CFSR
5
MRS: NC continues major child welfare reform effort
This issue talks a lot
about the changes afoot
in North Carolina’s
child welfare system.
For example, it dis-cusses
in some detail
the state’s new rules for
foster home licensing
and it describes im-provements
we hope to
make in response to the latest
Child and Family Services Review.
These changes are important, be-cause
sooner or later they will af-fect
you as a foster parent.
However, if you want to talk
about one of the most important
influences on the lives of North
Carolina’s foster parents and
children, you must look not at
what’s new, but at something
that’s already here: MRS.
Multiple Response System
The Multiple Response System
(MRS) is a reform effort that aims
to make our child welfare system
more family-centered. It began in
10 North Carolina counties in
2002, was refined by an addi-tional
42 counties starting in
2003, and was integrated into
state policy in 2006. Despite this
fact, some counties are still striv-ing
to implement aspects of MRS.
This is understandable once
you consider what a multifaceted
approach MRS is. It has seven
core strategies:
1. Collaboration between Work
First and child welfare
2. Strengths-based, structured
intake process
3. Choice of two approaches to
reports of child abuse, neglect,
or dependency
4. Coordination between law
enforcement agencies and
CPS for the investigative
assessment approach
5. Redesign of CPS in-home
family services
6. Child and family team
meetings during the provision
of CPS in-home and place-ment
services
7. Shared parenting meetings
during the first seven days a
child is placed out of the home
These strategies have changed and
will continue to change
the way many social
workers, foster par-ents,
and others do
their jobs throughout
the entire continuum of
child welfare. Two of
these strategies in par-ticular
have a direct ef-fect
on foster parents:
shared parenting and child and
family team meetings.
Shared Parenting
Shared parenting is an approach
designed to build a team focused
on the welfare of the child: an al-liance
among birth parents, fos-ter
parents, and social workers.
As with any team, trust is the
foundation of this alliance.
Of course, there can be barri-ers
to this trust. Some foster par-ents,
for example, are initially
uncomfortable with the idea of
helping or even meeting the par-ents
of their children in foster
care. First and foremost, they
worry about the safety of the chil-dren
and their own safety.
For their part, some birth par-ents
see foster parents as direct
competitors for their child’s affec-tion
and usurpers of their paren-tal
authority. Clearly, ideas and as-sumptions
such as these do not
facilitate the building of trust.
For shared parenting to work,
foster parents must be clear about
their role, which is to supplement
and support birth families, not
replace them. Foster parents
must see themselves as part of the
team working to rebuild and re-unite
families.
Some North Carolina foster
parents already see themselves
this way, and are fully integrated
into the team serving the child
and family. Others may not be
there quite yet, and so may need
support from their agencies and
other foster parents.
The central mechanism for
building trust and teamwork in
the shared parenting approach is
an agency-facilitated meeting that
occurs as soon as possible after
children enter foster care. In fact,
MRS asks agencies to facilitate a
shared parenting meeting within
seven days after a child enters fos-ter
care. After this initial meeting,
shared parenting meetings occur
regularly until the family can be
reunited or another permanent
plan is identified.
CFTs
Under MRS, county DSS agencies
hold child and family team meet-ings
(CFTs) with families involved
with child welfare services. The
primary functions of these meet-ings
are to engage the family and
other interested parties in joint de-cision-
making and to provide the
family with support. These meet-ings
address the family’s strengths
and needs and how these affect the
child’s safety, permanence, and
well-being. The meeting also re-sults
in a plan that specifies what
must occur to help the family
safely parent the children.
Child and family team meetings
occur soon after the decision is
made to substantiate or reach a
finding of “in need of services.”
CFTs are used with the family
throughout the life of the case,
even if it is not necessary to re-move
the child from the home.
To make MRS
work, foster
parents must see
themselves as
supporting birth
families, not
replacing them.
 
     
 
 
 
Overview of a Child and Family Team Meeting
Preparation
Facilitator ensures the following parties know their roles
and the purpose and structure of the meeting
Birth family, their extended
family, and supporters
Other professionals
All relevant agency staff
(includes foster parents)
Meeting
• Facilitator sets goals and ground rules for meeting
• Team members discuss family strengths and
supports they can offer
• Family shares its perspective and knowledge
• Private planning time for family
(does not occur in all meetings)
• All reconvene to discuss and finalize the plan
Meet Again
Group reconvene to monitor progress and
consider any difficulties with the plan
Implement Plan
Monitor Progress
Monitor satisfaction of all participants with the process and outcomes
Foster parents benefit from
CFTs in several ways. Although
foster parents will have already
met the birth family at the shared
parenting meeting, CFTs offer an-other
great opportunity to build a
relationship with and obtain infor-mation
from the child’s parents.
In addition, CFTs allow foster
parents to be there in person
when important information is
discussed and service agreements
are made and reviewed. This en-ables
foster parents to be part of
the reunification effort, or what-ever
the permanent plan is for the
child in their care.
The bottom line is, child and
family team meetings are a great
way for foster parents to stay up-to-
date and to be active, contrib-uting
members of the team serv-ing
the family and child.
Links to Learn More . . .
• MRS <www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/mrs>.
• CFTs <www.practicenotes.org/
vol8_no2.htm>
• Shared Parenting <www.fostering
p e r s p e c t i v e s . o r g / f p _ v 1 0 n 1 /
shared.htm>
6
From the association’s president by Stacey Darbee
North Carolina Foster and
Visit the Association’s Web Site at <http://www.ncfapa.org>
Membership is open to anyone interested in strengthening foster and adoptive services in North Carolina.
Send this form, with payment (DO NOT send cash), to: NCFAPA, 330 S. Greene St., Suite 200, Greensboro,
NC 27401. Make checks payable to the NC FOSTER AND ADOPTIVE PARENT ASSOCIATION.
Regular Membership is open to any foster or adoptive parent and is $50 annually for an individual and $75
annually for a couple. Associate Membership ($100 annually for an individual and $300 annually for an
organization) is available to those who do not qualify for Regular Membership.
First name #1: ______________________________ First name #2: ________________________________
Last name: _______________________________________________________________________________
Address: _________________________________________________________________________________
City: ______________________________________ State: __________ Zip: _________________________
County:____________________________________ Licensing Agency: _____________________________
Home phone: ( ) _______________________ E-mail: _____________________________________
Membership Amt. included: __________________ Donation Amt.: _______________________________
Join the Association!
Upcoming NCFAPA Conference
NCFAPA is excited to invite you to our 10th
annual conference, which will take place on
April 25-27, 2008. SAVE THE DATE!
This year’s theme will be Shining the
Spotlight—A Decade of Dedication! The con-ference
will be held at Twin City Quarter in
Winston-Salem. This venue consists of the
Benton Convention Center, the Marriott, and
Embassy Suites. All three connect, allowing
conference goers to move from one to the
other without going outside.
We have secured 200 rooms at special low
rates: Marriott rooms are $99 per night, while
one bedroom suites at Embassy Suites are
$119 per night. Make your reservations now.
Just go to <www.NCFAPA.org> and select the
“Reserve Your Room Now.”
The NCFAPA Planning Team has done a
great job and we have an absolutely amazing
conference planned! There will be dozens of
workshops, fantastic general sessions, and a
very different kind of game night! We’re also
bringing back a night to dress up, coupled
with entertainment surprises. You won’t want
to miss it! Visit our web site soon for more
information and registration instructions.
The 2008 NCFAPA membership drive is
now underway. Join in October, November,
or December 2007 and receive free registra-tion
to the April conference. We listened to
our members and have tried to make joining
simple: just go to our website, fill out the
membership form, and pay for membership
using Paypal.
Board of Directors
Congratulations to newly elected (and
reelected) board members:
Region 1—Wanda Douglas, Co-Wefa Lyda
(historian), Tony Douglas, Crystal Merritt
Region 2—Melissa Sink (VP), Paul Rood-huyzen
(Treasurer), Janet Martin
Region 3—Shelly Humphrey
Region 4—Aaryn Fazakerly (VP), Judy Carroll,
Jimmie Graham Jr., Ruth Moody, L’Sonja
Parker, Janice Nichols
Advocacy
Good news! NCFAPA advocated strongly
throughout the year for the following legisla-tion,
which became NC law in 2007:
Youths aging out of foster care and youths
with special needs adopted from foster care
after age 12 now have access to funding to
help them attend public colleges and com-munity
colleges in NC. What’s covered?
• Tuition/fees normally assessed a student
carrying the same academic workload as
determined by the institution, including
costs for rental or purchase of equipment,
materials, or supplies required of all
students in the same course of study
• An allowance for books, supplies,
transportation, and miscellaneous
personal expenses, including a reasonable
allowance for the documented rental or
purchase of a personal computer, for a
student attending the institution on at least
a half-time basis, as determined by the
college
• An allowance (as
determined by the
college) for room and
board costs incurred by
the student
To support this new law, funds have been ap-propriated
for fiscal years 2008 and 2009.
No news yet on how to apply—we’ll keep you
posted.
Effective October 1, 2007, children aging
out of foster care are eligible to receive Med-icaid
through their 21st birthday. Includes:
• Medicaid coverage to independent foster
care adolescents, ages 18, 19, and 20
regardless of their assets, resources, or
income levels
Adoption Tax Credit
• An individual who is allowed a federal
adoption tax credit for the taxable year is
also allowed a NC tax credit
• The credit is equal to 50% of the amount
of the federal tax credit
• Effective for the tax year beginning Jan.
1, 2007; it will expire after the 2012 tax
year unless it is extended
Support
In 2007-2008 NCFAPA will focus on helping
develop, strengthen, rejuvenate, or jump start
local support groups and/or associations. We
would like to offer your local or county group
extra training and support to help you suc-ceed.
Please call our office (866/623-7248)
and leave a message; we will get back to you
as soon as we can. We’re eager to help you
maintain your association or to develop a
brand new group. We look forward to work-ing
with you!
November Is Adoption Awareness Month
If you are an adoptive parent you already know
what an impact adoption has had on your
children and your entire family. You are the
most powerful voice that belongs to the face
of adoption. You are the strongest recruitment
ad that there is! North Carolina has hundreds
of children who are legally free for adoption.
Please make a special effort during Novem-ber
to speak with neighbors, friends, co-work-ers,
and your faith community about all the
children in need of a special, loving family to
call home. Remember—Kids Can’t Wait!
7
Honoring NC’s foster and adoptive parents and their partners
Adoptive Parent Association
330 S. Greene St., Suite 200 • Greensboro, NC 27401 •866/623-7248 (toll free)
Nomination Form
Nominee is a:   Foster family   Adoptive family
Nominee’s name: ____________________________________
Nominee’s address: __________________________________
___________________________________________________
Nominee’s county of residence: ________________________
Phone(s): ___________________________________________
E-mail: _____________________________________________
Nominated by: ______________________________________
Address: ____________________________________________
___________________________________________________
Phone(s): ___________________________________________
E-mail: _____________________________________________
On a separate sheet answer this question: How has this
nominee put a spotlight on building a child’s self-esteem or
gone above and beyond in their dedication to children and
families? (250 words or less)
Deadline: Send nominations to NCFAPA via e-mail to
office@ncfapa.org or via fax (919/367-9302) by February 15, 2008.
The NC Foster and Adoptive Parent Association’s 10th
Annual Training Institute, Shining the Spotlight—
A Decade of Dedication! will be held April 25–27, 2008
at the Twin City Quarter in Winston-Salem, North Caro-lina.
At this event we will celebrate the impact foster
and adoptive parents have on children and families in
our state.
Therefore we are asking you to submit nominations
for a foster family or adoptive family in your region of
the state who has put a spotlight on building a child’s
self-esteem, or who has gone above and beyond in their
dedication to children and families. We’re proud to
provide you with this opportunity to honor and recog-nize
these special individuals.
Please use the nomination form below to submit
nominations to the NC Foster and Adoptive Parent
Association by February 15, 2008. A committee of the
NCFAPA’s Board of Directors will review the nomina-tions
and award one foster family and one adoptive fam-ily
per region. Winners will receive an award and be
honored at April’s training institute.
Thanks for joining us in celebrating the efforts of
people who care for our children and families.
2007 Honorees
The following photos show of some
of the people recognized at the
Association’s 2007 training institute.
Community Partners
Human Services Providers
Foster Parents
Left to Right: Joan McAllister (NC Division of Social Services), John McMahon (UNC-CH
School of Social Work), Bob Hensley (NC Division of Social Services), Stacy Cholula
(Guilford Co. DSS), Alexus Powe (Region 2), Roberta Yates (Watauga Co. DSS). Honorees
not pictured: Nancy Carter and Bill Griffin (ILR, Inc.)
Left to Right: Tianna McDonald (Edgecombe Co. DSS), James and Margaret Davis (Region 4), Linda
Rudolph (SafePlace), Dawn Stallings (Region 2), Wanda and Tony Douglas (Region 1)
ABOVE (l to r): Lisa Richmond (Region 3), Linda
and Tim Shuford (Region 1). Not pictured:
Bethanne Klauck (Region 2), Brian and Toi Pettus
(Region 4)
LEFT (l to r): Penny Withrow (Region 1), David
and Kelly Daiker (Region 3), Teresa Baum
(Chatham Co. DSS). Not pictured: Lorinza and
Queenie Smith (Region 2), Kay and Larry Monk
(Region 4)
Adoptive Parents
8
Kids’ Page Words and Pictures by and for Children in Foster Care Vol. 12, No. 1 • November 2007
Anthony, age 11
My social worker makes me feel good about myself. I can talk
with her about any issue—my family, school, problems, my
foster family, etc.
The thing I like most about her is she makes sure she lets me
know how my other family members are doing. My social
worker also introduces strategies to problem solving if I have
any problems. My social worker keeps up with my grades, listens
to me play my band instrument, comes into my messy room
(which can be dangerous), and most of all she listens to me. My social worker makes sure that
my foster family and me are getting along. I can tell she wants the best for me and tries to help
me in growing up to be productive and successful in society as a young man. I plan to show
thanks to her and my foster family as I plan to reach my goals as being part of law enforcement.
Anthony’s letter won first prize, for which he was awarded $100.
Monthly visits with my social worker
Photo Illustration
In our last writing contest we
asked young people in foster
care to send us a short essay
describing what they think
about the monthly visits they
have with their social workers.
In particular, we wanted to
know how these visits made them feel and what
could make them better.
We asked children to focus on this topic for a
simple reason: visits matter. This is supported by
evidence from the first round of federal reviews,
which linked high-quality visits with better out-comes
for children and their families. It is also sup-ported
by the essays on this page, which testify to
the power and importance of monthly visits.
If you are a child welfare worker or a foster par-ent,
we hope you will continually assess the quality
and frequency of agency visits with children in care.
They can make such a difference in children’s lives.
—John McMahon, Editor
She makes sure
that my foster
family and me
are getting
along.
1
Kelli, age 15
Monthly visits with my social worker are good because we are
always laughing with or about each other and we’re just being
ourselves. . . . I’m not going to lie—sometimes she does make
me a little ill. [But] I forget about it and do what I had planned
that day . . . .
What makes her most helpful is that she helps me get through
some of my troubles and tells me everything will get better.
She’s always telling me to help make things better or things will
never get better. That helps me a lot because if I didn’t have someone to help me through my
problems I don’t know what I would do. My guess is probably something stupid . . .
[She] would be . . . a better social worker if she just let me go home to my real house. If she
would just let me go home everything would be great. If that would happen then she would be
the greatest social worker ever!
Kelli’s letter won second prize, for which she was awarded $50.
Colby, age 15 3
I can thankfully say that I am no longer in foster care. I live in a large family that I
love and know love me. I could not have been placed in a family that is more
loving than the one that I have now. There is not anyone in the world I can thank
for that other than my social worker.
Around 11 years ago I was put into foster care and received my social worker.
At the time I was really too young to understand exactly what was going on or who a social
worker was. All I could understand is at such a hard time in my life was there was a lady (my
social worker) that I visited every month. My social worker made me feel loved and secure.
Don’t get me wrong, my foster family at the time did the same for me—but my social worker
was someone that I could rely on if I needed something and I didn’t feel comfortable going to
my foster family about it. . . .
I had a social worker that was everything I mentioned in this paper but she was so much
more to me also. In fact it would probably take forever just to explain how wonderful she was
so I am going to stop by saying that there isn’t anything that I would have liked changed about
my social worker. Colby’s letter won third prize, for which he was awarded $25.
Ronda, age 15
Monthly visits I have leave me very happy! I’m happy
afterwards because [my social worker] tells me how proud
of me she is, which I’m proud of myself as well because
I’m making A and B Honor Roll.
She is helpful because she literally bends over
backwards to help foster kids like me. I can’t think of
anything to make her better at what she does because
she has already helped me so much to change my life
around, fix my mistakes, and to feel normal again. Ms.
Juanita has been an angel in disguise. She has been there
when I needed someone to talk to or if I needed help
with something. She is just always here when I need her.
I think all foster care social workers are miracle workers
. . . . So next time you see your [social worker] how about
thanking them?
Ronda received $15 for having her essay published.
Heather, age 11
My social worker’s name is Marcie Bland-Boughman. The
monthly visits with Marcie are good. Marcie takes me
out to eat, and to the store, and she takes me to her
office. When Marcie comes to my house she likes to look
at my stuff. I show her my room, my trophies, and my
games. When Marcie comes to visit it makes me feel
good, special, and important. Marcie keeps me updated
on things like court dates, and on family members. I could
not change anything about my monthly visits!!!
Heather received $15 for having her essay published.
I’m not going
to lie —
sometimes she
she does make
me a little ill.
2
9
What do teens want from foster parents? by Joan McAllister and Nancy Carter
Many North Carolina teens in foster
care are placed out-of-county in group
homes and child care institutions.
This isn’t surprising, if you consider
that most of the families we recruit
to foster or adopt are not interested
in teens.
But it would be wrong to assume
that, based on this, there are no fami-lies
interested in caring for teens, or
that teens themselves don’t want to
live with families.
True, being a foster parent for a teenager
or a young adult is very different from being a
foster parent for a younger child. But for the
most part the difference lies in the normal
challenges of adolescent development, not in
the young person’s foster care status.
Teens and young adults are literally adults-in-
training. They need—and want—life mod-els,
life coaches, and opportunities to develop
into the people they can be.
Perhaps the real problem is that we haven’t
made a strong enough effort to recruit foster
families specifically for teens and young
adults. Who knows? Perhaps we should even
ask teens to help us.
As a first step in that direction, we’d like to
share with you the things some teens we know
say they need in a foster parent.
Someone who will make you a part of
their family.
Teens don’t like to be singled out as “differ-ent.”
This is especially true in the foster fam-ily,
where fairness is key: if a foster youth is
the same age as another child in your home,
she wants to be treated as the other child
would be treated. If rules are different for
them, the reasons should be fair. Opportuni-ties
must exist for the foster youth to earn
the same privileges as other youth.
Someone who has a good attitude
about being a foster parent.
While every parent has frustrating days, a suc-cessful
foster parent enjoys his or her role
most of the time.
Fostering teens is an opportunity to pro-vide
youths with a “toolkit” of skills that will
help them survive in the real world. Having a
“good attitude” means allowing youths to prac-tice
those skills—even if it means the kitchen
is a mess. In fact, a messy kitchen is really an
opportunity to teach cleaning and organiza-tion
while reinforcing the teen’s desire to make
his afterschool snack. Coming home and say-ing
“Wow, you must have enjoyed their after-noon
snack. Looks like it’s time to get mov-ing
on a cleanup,” can go a lot further than,
“What happened to MY kitchen? You are never
Real love offers
real hope. Foster
parents can
offer that hope
and give young
people a reason
to reach for
tomorrow.
to use it again! Do you under-stand
me?”
Someone who isn’t “in it for
the money.”
It’s hard to believe, but some
teens think some people provide
foster care for the money. Part of
the problem may be that teens
don’t understand what things
cost. While we don’t recommend
that foster parents constantly em-phasize
how much they pay out of pocket to
care for the teens in their homes, taking the
teen shopping for groceries, having discus-sions
of household bills and budgets, giving
the teen responsibility for purchasing some
of his own necessities, etc., can help him or
her get a better sense of the cost of living. This
is, of course, an important life skill in itself.
Someone who shows they care about
your feelings; someone who is nice,
respectful, and loving.
Many teens in foster care come from back-grounds
in which both positive and negative
emotions were often expressed in extreme,
inaccurate, or inappropriate ways. Youth need
to know how to express emotions appropri-ately.
They need to feel the joy of knowing that
a respected adult cares about them and how
they feel. Developmentally, teens are often on
a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Having some-one
who can model a caring, calm, and re-spectful
response enhances teens’ positive
development.
Someone who sets rules but isn’t
obsessive about them.
Be fair about rules and guidelines. Make sure
you understand why they exist and commu-nicate
those reasons clearly to teens. Devel-opmentally,
teens are trying to discern moral
reasoning, so it is realistic to expect teens to
ask “why?” Indeed, you should encourage
them to do so. It is equally realistic to expect
adults to respond appropriately, calmly, and
with respect. Being overly dramatic about
rules will only reinforce inappropriate ways
of expression.
Someone who is a good listener.
Everyone likes to be heard. Yet teens are not
known for being the “let’s sit and talk” popu-lation.
In fact, they have a reputation for lim-iting
their communication with adults.
The best way to get teens to talk to you is to
involve them in something or, better yet, get
involved in something they are doing. For in-stance,
get them involved in helping with din-ner.
While you both have your hands busy,
ask about their day. Mention a show you saw
and why you think they may like it. Ask if
there’s something they’ve heard about that you
might find interesting. Inquire whether they‘ve
ever considered working in the food indus-try.
You might even try asking them if they
could teach you some easy ways to navigate a
website, do searches, format a document, cre-ate
a power point presentation, etc.
Once you get involved with teens the com-munication
becomes much easier, AND you
learn a thing or two about their strengths and
interests.
Someone who believes “real love” can
overcome many struggles.
Does anyone really know what “real love” is?
Maybe this is a starting point for a dinner
conversation. There’s no right or wrong an-swer,
so the person asking for “real love” is
the only one who can define it. Typical re-sponses
may include “loving me even when I
do the wrong thing,” “will never leave me,”
“someone I can’t wait to see each day,” etc.
The real message in this statement is,
“I need hope that things will be better.” Young
people in foster care continue to seek hope in
a better day, a better time, a better age—some-thing
better than what is available to them
right now.
Real love offers real hope. And with real
hope a young person can get through today
and reach for tomorrow. Foster parents can
offer that hope and give young people a rea-son
to reach for tomorrow.
Joan McAllister coordinates the NC LINKS program for the
NC Division of Social Services. Nancy Carter is the Execu-tive
Director of ILR, Inc.
Photo Illustration
NC Foster Care Facts
In state fiscal year (SFY) 2005-06:
• There were 1,330 children age 13-17 in care
• Half (50%) of these teens were placed in non-family
settings (i.e., group or institutional care)
In contrast, during this same time only 2% of foster
children age 0 to 5 and 18% of foster children
age 6 to 12 were placed in non-family settings.
(Source: Duncan, et al., 2007)
10
Books on the nightstand A book review by Becky Burmester
A book store regularly e-mails
me a survey. The questions are
an attempt to learn what influences my pur-chasing
decisions. I frequently select books
based on the information on the cover. Pic-tures
don’t matter much to me, but words are
important.
The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis,
Ph.D., David Cross, Ph.D. and Wendy Lyons
Sunshine has a cover that captured my inter-est.
A bright yellow circle promises to “Bring
Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family.”
After a solid week of fruitless nagging about
meals, homework, etc. with my adopted 7-
year-old son, this sounded like just what I
needed.
Below the title the book continues selling
itself, indicating it is for parents who have
welcomed children from other countries and
cultures, from troubled backgrounds, and
with special behavioral or emotional needs.
I read this and think: I need this book NOW!
My family life could improve – hope rises.
I am nearly always at the front of the line
for more training concerning parenting. I do
not believe that I will ever have too much un-derstanding
of issues in parenting, nor do I
believe that there is a single way to parent all
children. There are approaches that work bet-ter
with some children than with others.
The Connected Child arrived at my house
at a time when I was near the end of my rope.
I was repeating the same ineffective ap-proaches
to dealing with my son all of the time.
They did not work on Monday, or Tuesday, or
Wednesday, but Thursday found me trying the
same old things (loss of privileges, time outs,
and some ineffective ranting and raving). We
needed help and we needed it NOW!
On the book jacket Carol Kranowitz (au-thor
of The Out-of-Sync Child) calls The Con-nected
Child “a must-read for all families
striving to correct and connect with their chil-dren.”
I think, I have to read this book, and
quickly!
The book is written in a non-technical,
chatty style. I got enthused early on and read
straight through from cover to cover. This
book is about parent child interactions in their
entirety, with a table of contents that makes
it easy to find the particular parenting tech-nique
you are interested in.
I began implementing some changes in my
parenting as I was reading the book. Eye con-tact
moved to the front burner. Shawn and I
had some difficulties making eye contact ev-
A reader asks ...
Question: I am adopting an 11-year-old girl from foster care. While in care she has had sporadic contact with her maternal grandmother,
who used to be her primary caretaker. Should I consider maintaining contact with this woman following the adoption?
Photo Illustration
Children adopted from foster care can face an assortment of
complex feelings as they transition into their permanent home. In
particular, children may feel overwhelmed with conflicting feelings
of loyalty. On the one hand, children may desire a permanent family
who can love and care for them, but this desire may also come
with guilt, since it excludes the birth family. Children in foster care
also have difficulty making the transition to adoption because they
continue to worry about the welfare of their birth families.
Promoting an ongoing relationship with her grandmother may help your child
resolve or reduce issues of loss, grief, and abandonment. This contact will allow
your daughter to maintain an important attachment and relationship. Through this
relationship, your daughter may be better able to develop and maintain positive
relationships and trust with others in her life. Depending on the situation, the
grandmother can also help the child make the transition to adoption if the
grandmother supports the placement. This support can help the child overcome
the feelings of disloyalty and promote continuity. The maternal grandmother can
also add to the circle of support in your daughter’s life.
Contact with her family of origin can also help your child develop her identity.
When children do not have information about their birth family, they often create
a fantasy family. Although the reality of the child’s background and birth family
may be painful and difficult to accept, it is better to resolve the child’s losses with
truth than with fantasy. Birth family contact can help the child accept that the birth
family could not adequately meet the child’s needs, which can help her accept
adoption.
This birth family connection can also give your child exposure to
her racial and ethnic heritage. The connection to the grandmother
may allow your child access to her history, which is not always
available for children in foster care. This history can include the
child’s physical and mental health, as well as information on the
birth parents. This information is invaluable and will help you meet
the child’s needs.
If you wish to explore this connection, you will need to assess
parameters such as frequency and type of contact. Contact can include letters, e-mail,
phone calls, or personal visits. You will also need to consider whether
supervision of contact is needed and how to help your child should she act out as
a result of the contact. Your child should not be forced into visiting with her
grandmother, and contact should not be encouraged if it turns negative. If age-appropriate,
talk with your child about these visits. Specifically, these talks should
center around helping your child prepare for those uncomfortable situations or
questions that may arise when interacting with her grandmother. As with any
situation, it is also important to help your child come up with a safety plan. A key
element to maintaining contact with the grandmother is her ability to accept a
changed role in the child’s life.
Ultimately, maintaining birth family contact should be focused on providing for
the needs of the child and the child’s best interests. This connection can help your
daughter with the development of her identity through accepting the realities of
her past. This healing may allow her to forge new, healthy attachments in her life.
Response by Beverley Smith, Director, NC Kids Adoption & Foster Care Network
ery time. I cringed as I real-ized
just how far our rela-tionship
had to go.
I began to stop and take
three deep breaths before
reacting. By the end of the
first day, the kids were pay-ing
much more attention to
this than I ever imagined. I
accidentally took four deep breaths rather
than the three I had been taking and they told
me, “Hey, that’s four breaths!” I was calmer
and they were more responsive.
This is a book I highly recommend. The
price is $16.95 for a paperback copy. The
techniques I have tried with my 5 and 7 year
old became effective once they realized this is
how I will respond now. I don’t successfully
follow through every time, but I am getting
better and my family is happier most of the
time.
Suggestions?
What are you reading? Know books, maga-zines,
or DVDs others might find useful? If
so, contact me (becky.burmester@mind
spring.com, 919/870-9968). Keep reading!
Ongoing birth
family contact may
help your adopted
child to forge new,
healthy attachments
in her life.
If you have a question about foster care or adoption in North Carolina, send it to us using the contact information found on page 2.
11
If “40 is the new 30”…. by Jeanne Preisler
Reflections on Helping Teenagers in Foster Care
“40 is the new 30.” You may have heard the
phrase before. It’s mentioned on TV when dis-cussing
how great Demi Moore or Sarah Jes-sica
Parker look, and I’ve seen it on magazine
covers while I wait in line at the grocery store.
There is even a “40 is the new 30” bracelet
you can purchase online.
But why am I writing about this in Foster-ing
Perspectives, you ask? Good question. My
friend just said it to me the other day and it
got me thinking . . .
If 40 is the new 30, this actually has impli-cations
for us as foster and adoptive parents.
You see, it would be logical to continue that
pattern: 30 is the new 20 and 20 is the new
10. Well, maybe not 10. But certainly most
20-year-olds today are not exactly the same
as we were when we were 20 years old.
This is especially true for youth in foster
care. If they fell behind academically while
moving from foster home to foster home, our
youth may still even be in high school at 20
years old.
Implications for Fostering and
Adopting Youth in Foster Care
When your agency asks you to foster or adopt
a teenager, what they are really asking is, can
you help prepare this young person for adult-hood?
Can you do that knowing that there is
a chance they will turn 30 before they are re-ally
ready to move out on their own?
I know it’s pretty crazy to think about. But
I speak from personal experience. My girls
are 26 now and have lived with me on and off
ever since they became “adults.”
Although they are currently living on their
own, they are in college and still need as much
support as they did when they were 18. In so
many ways, they are much wiser than I was
when I was 20-something. But in many other
ways, they’re still learning.
* * * * * *
Two years ago SaySo’s Nancy Carter advised
readers of this newsletter that:
For every move a young person makes in
the substitute care system (including the
first move from their biological family),
assume they lose one year developmentally
and academically. Therefore, a 17-year-old
who has experienced 5 moves may
respond emotionally and behaviorally
much like a 12-year-old.
She may very well be right. The challenges of
raising teenagers are difficult enough, but they
are difficult and complex when you talk about
raising teenagers from the foster care system.
Take the fictional Benton family, for ex-ample.
Mr. and Mrs. Benton adopted Blake
when he was 14. That was four years ago.
Last year they adopted Jason, age 17. Both
boys are 18 years old now, but Blake is more
mature than Jason and is several years ahead
of Jason educationally and emotionally.
Mr. and Mrs. Benton have to parent these
boys very differently. It’s not always easy.
Adopting Teens = Youth Homelessness
Prevention
In New York, there is an agency devoted en-tirely
to finding teenagers permanent families.
The thing is, they don’t call it foster care or
adoption. They call their program a “Youth
Homelessness Prevention Program.”
Did you know that up to 50% of youth in
foster care become homeless within the first
18 months of becoming emancipated? And
that 27% of the homeless population has
spent time in foster care?
In the light of these alarming statistics, it is
clear that we need your help. We are asking
you to help prevent homelessness by caring
for a teenager, knowing that he or she may
not be ready to leave your home until his or
her twenties.
I don’t mention these things to scare you. I
just want to arm you with information so that
you can discuss it with your family and help
us recruit more parents to work with our
young people. Parenting teens is tough, but
with support from your community, your
agency, and your foster and adoptive parent
association, you can make a difference that
will be felt for generations to come.
A Powerful Reminder
There is a great video that ABC
did, “Aging Out of Foster Care,”
that I highly encourage you to
watch. You can find it at <http:/
/abcnews.go.com/Vi d e o /
playerIndex? id=2033650>. This presenta-tion
is a good reminder that all teenagers, even
after they turn 18, long for a family. After
watching it, please share the link with people
in your e-mail address book.
You never know – someone you never ex-pected
might be ready to prevent youth
homelessness. This video may be just the
thing to get them started.
Start Small
If you are interested but nervous about work-ing
with teenagers, start small. Ask your
agency if there is a teen who needs a mentor
and spend time with this child once a month.
Ask your agency if you can provide respite
care for a teenager once a month. You may be
surprised at your abilities.
Everyone Can Help
If, after becoming a mentor to a teenager and
providing respite a few times for one, you
decide it is not what is best for your family,
you can still help. Make it your mission to
recruit one person to become a foster or adop-tive
parent each month. Talk to your agency
about how you can help their recruitment ef-forts
for families who will work with teenag-ers.
Together, we can prevent homelessness and
build better futures for all young people.
Report Finds Increase in Teens “Aging Out” of
Foster Care Without a Permanent Family
A new report by the Pew Charitable Trusts and the
Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative reveals that
although the total number of children in foster care
nationally has been decreasing, the number of youth
who leave foster care because of their age has been
increasing. In 2005, more than 24,000 youth left foster
care at the age of 18 without a family of their own.
This is a 41% increase since 1998.
On average, those who age out of foster care will
have spent nearly five years in the system at the time
they “emancipate” without ever having been placed
with a safe, permanent family of their own. In total,
more than 165,000 youth aged out of the system
between 1998 and 2005.
The report, Time for Reform: Aging Out and On
Their Own, includes information from all 50 states.
According to the report, 7.5% of the children who
left foster care in North Carolina in 2004 did so by
aging out.
Some youth aging out of foster care face a grim
future. Researchers have found that:
• One in four will be incarcerated within the first
two years after they leave the system.
• Over one-fifth will become homeless at some time
after age 18.
• Approximately 58% had a high school degree at
age 19, compared to 87% of a national comparison
group of non-foster youth.
• Of youth who aged out of foster care and are over
the age of 25, less than 3% earned their college
degrees, compared with 28% of the general
population.
To read Time for Reform, go to <http://www.jimcaseyyouth.org/docs/ageout_report.pdf>
12
Griefwork in the child welfare system by Deborah Weising
Wordless grief. The kind that goes so
bone deep there are no words to ex-press
it, nor can anyone else say any-thing
to comfort it. That grief is the
expression of so many of those in-volved
with the child welfare system:
children, foster and adoptive parents,
child welfare professionals, and of
course birth parents.
Why does this system that seeks to offer
hope for at-risk children and families end up
being such a place of grief?
Children and Foster Parents
Foster parents enter the system with a dream:
to provide a home and family for a child who
is traumatized. Foster families frequently have
a background that includes a childhood grief
that allows them to identify with that painful,
angry, lost look in the eyes of children in fos-ter
care. Some families hope to adopt and
have been through the deep grief of infertility,
or lost children through tragedy. But the com-mon
thread that links most foster parents is
the desire to answer the grief cry of so many
children.
Yet as foster families get more deeply in-volved
with the child welfare system, they find
it fragmented, with constantly changing work-ers
and guardians ad litem. They face the
daunting task of navigating their own emo-tions,
the impact of fostering on other mem-bers
of their family, and the stress to their
own support system. It can be a confusing,
angering experience. Fostering doesn’t come
with an easy-to-read road map.
Deeper mysteries occur in foster families,
too: the child’s grief and their own unresolved
grief can collide into strange family dynam-ics.
The child’s deep pain and loss of their
birth family runs in waves through the child’s
being. How can a child settle into a foster home
when his or her identity and sense of worth
are tied to the birth family? Children are not
given a road map to foster care, either.
“Shared parenting�� is the term used to de-scribe
the foster parent’s role of caring for
children while supporting their connection
with their birth parents and the goal of reuni-fication.
Yet when the child goes home the
foster parents’ pain can be intense, particu-larly
if they hoped to adopt the child or if they
are concerned the child’s birth family is not
equipped or committed to the child’s welfare.
What can foster parents do when they find
themselves struggling after a reunification?
Grieve with courage. Take solace in the fact
that you make a difference in the lives of chil-dren
and families. You have acted for the good
of our most fragile children and families.
Engage in the work of grief.
Ultimately, foster parenting
is the work of love and the
decision to stand for the
good of others in a very
messy human system. It is
natural to feel sad, angry,
disappointed, and con-fused.
That is the work of grief. It’s the soul’s
process of seeing the truth. And the truth is
that advocating for children and families can
be a sacrificial calling that may never make
sense to those who insist on avoiding pain.
But as you work through the grief, also re-claim
your strength, talents, goodness, drive,
and charity. You are wiser and stronger now,
and your heart has grown fuller.
Adoptive Parents
When children are adopted they bring their
entire experience, heredity, and grief into the
adoptive family. It can be a long, hard, costly
battle for all members of the family to regain
balance.
Unfortunately, adoptive families need more
support and training than is available through
social services, and frequently deal with chil-dren
whose emotional issues are beyond the
family’s understanding or ability to handle.
The good news is, you can often find the
resources you need within the adoption com-munity
itself. Adoptive families have begun
to organize web communities, support
groups, prayer groups, and associations that
genuinely tackle the deeper issues of adop-tion.
But you have to be willing to reach out
and connect! Be willing to share your experi-ence
and issues with other adoptive families.
Be willing to strengthen your marriage, look
at your losses, and reaffirm that adoption is
a viable option for healthy families.
Grief, rage, depression, resolution: all these
phases can help adoptive families reaffirm
their identity, their own health and worth, and
their desire to love children regardless of
whether they ultimately adopt. And for those
who do adopt, the pain involved is an invita-tion
to press through those deep adoption
issues that force us to relate to others in a
real, non-defensive, vulnerable way. Adoptive
family networks are places of healing, advo-cacy,
help, education, and action to make a
difference in our world.
There Is Hope
Ultimately, this is a message of hope. If you
are grieving, dig deep. There is hope in the
same heart that is motivated to help, love,
build community, and validate the worth and
dignity of human life.
Foster parents must acknowledge that their
work requires a huge sup-port
network, deep abiding
faith, skills to recognize
when they need help, and
the ability to accept that
some important things con-nected
with foster care are
beyond their control. Foster families get in-volved,
get a big helping of grief, and then have
to decide if the lives and welfare of children
are worth their own personal pain.
Of course children’s lives are worth it: but
never underestimate the cost. Foster parents
will hopefully build a support system with
other foster and adoptive parents that is much
deeper than social services. Government can-not
be our sole support system, sole source
of training, and solution for the issues we
encounter. We become the solutions by going
much deeper, and refusing to let children be
forever without a family or home. Foster fami-lies
also have to gain wisdom about the needs
of their own families, and understand and test
their own motivations. A life calling is often a
call to overcome pain in our early lives and
become a helping hand to others.
Caseworkers quit in droves. But their skills
are so needed. Dig deep. Creativity will come
not from the top ranks of government, but
from the grassroots workers who have seen
firsthand the brokenness and needs of indi-viduals
and families. Rethink! Reinvent! So-cial
services, more than ever, needs partner-ships
with nonprofits and faith communities.
Have you considered writing about your ex-perience,
or organizing research and experi-mental
models? Don’t throw away your insight
and experience, get busy and use it!
What about the children? They count on
all of us to rethink the idea that government
solutions are effective apart from community
solutions. The faith community in particular
is most likely to tackle the breadth of issues
affecting the destruction of families and chil-dren.
Where do we start? Start by wiping the tear
from the face of an injured or forgotten child,
or encouraging a single parent who is spiral-ing
into homelessness, or lend guidance to
someone with an addiction, or vote for those
who are committed to life-affirming policies.
Enter the depths of grief, and come out with
a love that is tough, real, ready to allow for
pain, and never gives up. The resolution of
grief that has no words is the decision to love
beyond pain. Look in the mirror: are you there
yet?
Deborah Weising is a child and family advocate, nonprofit
consultant, and motivational speaker. She can be e-mailed
at weisingd@yahoo.com.
Ultimately, foster
parenting is the work of
love and the decision to
stand for the good of
others in a very messy
human system.
13
SaySo prepares for a ROYAL celebration by Nancy Carter, ILR, Inc.
SaySo members will have their BIG
day in a castle.
Yes, a real castle! No…we are not
headed to Disney World. We���ll be
in Jamestown, North Carolina, at
Castle McCullough. Traditionally
known as a wedding venue, Castle
McCullough is diversifying their
services. As they open their doors,
(excuse me)…lower the draw-bridge,
on Saturday, March 8,
2008, we will gather to celebrate the
10th anniversary of an organization
many thought would never come to
be: SaySo (Strong Able Youth
Speaking Out).
On that day, SaySo’s members
and supporters will revel in the fact that it
has not only survived but thrived through-out
the years! In fact, it has never been stron-ger
or healthier. Today, with over 400 youth
members, 11 local chapters, 14 youth board
members, two staff members, and the ability
to hire six alumni as SaySo Regional Assis-tants
we can say with confidence… SaySo is
here to stay!
10 Years of Speaking Out
Flash back ten years. In spring 1998, a group
of youths interested in speaking out and some
adults interested in hearing what they had to
say came together in Burlington, NC. This
was the birth of SaySo.
For those that remember, there were some
significant obstacles to starting SaySo, includ-ing
the fact that the public in general finds
teens difficult (at best), the transitional nature
of foster youths offered challenges in provid-ing
consistency, and adults were afraid of what
foster youths would say if given the chance.
Well, since 1998 SaySo youths have had
many chances to speak their minds! They
have proven themselves to be part of the so-lution
– not a group of whining, complaining
young people. This monumental occasion of
SaySo’s 10th anniversary signifies to SaySo
members and adult supporters that:
• Foster youths do matter
• Their ideas can solve problems
• They have talents to offer, and
• Their voices can make a difference not
only for them but for future
generations.
Corporate sponsors are being sought to help
offset the cost of this 10th anniversary cel-ebration.
Interested individuals or businesses
may contact Rhiannon Galen, SaySo Program
Coordinator (800/820-0001, sayso@ilrinc.
com) to request a sponsor packet. Visit
<www.saysoinc.org> for more information
about this event.
Program Coordinator
SaySo now has a full-time Pro-gram
Coordinator. Her name is
Rhiannon Galen. She has a
BSW from East Carolina Uni-versity
and recently received
her MSW from UNC-Chapel
Hill. Prior to working with
SaySo, Rhiannon provided
both residential and mentor
services to teens in foster care.
We are so pleased to have her
full-time dedication to SaySo
and her eagerness to help the
organization grow during the
next ten years!
Get Involved!
As SaySo prepares for this big anniversary,
foster parents are asked to consider how
they can encourage their teens and previ-ous
foster youths to get involved. Our new
website (redesigned July 1) provides the op-portunity
for youths ages 14 – 24 to sign up.
Users will be able to view the popular “For
You” video, learn about resources for foster
teens, participate in safe online conversa-tions
(monitored by SaySo), register for
events, receive six annual newsletters (past
issues are archived on the website), partici-pate
in polls, connect to other links, and so
much more.
Reaching Out to Alumni
Alumni are an important SaySo asset.
Whether they were previous SaySo members
or not, adopted or aged out, alumni offer
real life advice and support to current
youths. Since July we have had alumni
“Come Home to SaySo.” After aging out these
young people have found SaySo to be a place
of welcome.
SaySo is currently recruiting alumni to be
part-time, paid SaySo Regional Assistants,
whose job it will be to help with the devel-opment
and growth of SaySo. Visit the
website for a complete job description.
Kesha, one of SaySo’s founding members
(she who wrote SaySo’s “belief statement”
ten years ago) recently found the site. She
was proud to see how the organization has
flourished. Kesha also participated in the
recent orientation for new board members
and provided a concrete example of the
shoulders our current youth leaders stand
on. SaySo has a rich history and is adding
to it every day.
SaySo Happenings!
In addition to our 10-year celebration, SaySo
is busy with the following activities:
1. Completing an educational presentation to
support foster youths to maximize the
academic success.
2. Finishing the “For You” guidebook to
accompany the video. Both resources will
be given to members at SaySo Saturday
and will be “downloadable” from the
website.
3. Facilitating a LINK UP youth conference
for teens ages 13 – 15 on Saturday,
January 26, 2008 in Greenville at Pitt
Community College.
4. Supporting legislation to make SaySo
Saturday a state holiday.
5. Participating in the state Program
Improvement Plan.
6. Coordinating SaySo Survivor 3 (April 2008).
7. Coordinating SaySo Page week (May 2008).
8. Participating in and presenting at national
youth conferences.
9. Raising money through the Food Lion
Shares program.
10.Making a difference for young people all
over North Carolina.
For more information on SaySo activities, events,
and resources visit <www.saysoinc.org>.
SaySo is a busy organization. By using tech-nology
as a way to find and connect with our
young people, SaySo is stronger than ever. In
fact, we’re on the move just as much as our
members! If you’d like to support SaySo but
you are not quite sure how, call us (800/820-
0001). We’ve got a million ideas.
In March 2008 we
will celebrate the
10th anniversary of
an organization
many thought
would never come
to be.
I Improved
By Steven, age 16
I improved
As I moved
From place to place
I looked in the mirror at my
face
And I noticed I needed to change
And I rearranged
The truth was coming out
And I started learning what I was about
I was smart and that was just
the start
I had to tear apart and go
inside
And find the things I used to hide
And do away with my pride
As I cried
And told my life bit by bit
And here I sit
In the seat of my life
Going down the highway avoiding
Roadblocks and straying debris
Steven received $15 for having his poem published.
Photo Illustration
14
Fostering teens and their children by Becky Burmester
Over the course of fostering nearly
80 children (many newborn in-fants
whose mothers made adop-tion
plans) and serving as a foster
parent for infants of incarcerated
women, my husband and I decided
that we might have a greater posi-tive
impact if we fostered pregnant
and/or parenting teens.
No one tries to be an inadequate parent.
However, most people parent as they were
parented. For years I suffered from undiag-nosed
depression. I remember well that when
a therapist identified untreated depression as
requiring medication as well as talk therapy,
I complained that living my life was like play-ing
monopoly without knowing the rules.
Many children and youth in foster care are
living lives without understanding the rules.
Younger children and teens without children
face obstacles in daily living, but teen moth-ers
in care are doubly challenged. Having ex-perienced
less than ideal parenting, they are
poorly prepared to parent but must now par-ent
under the critical eye of social services
and the court system.
How can foster parents best meet the needs
of both the teen parent and her child?
After she had lived on her own for two years,
one of the young mothers we had cared for
told us that what meant the most to her when
she was in foster care was having someone
who always believed in her and expected her
to do well, someone who “had her back.”
Another young mom we know believes that
being asked if she would like some help with
her baby is important.
Here are several things that guide my hus-band
and me as we foster teen parents.
Be Mindful of the Learning Curve
The moms may very well NOT know better.
No one can do well those things with which
they are totally unfamiliar. Some child rear-ing
techniques have to be observed to even
make sense.
Anticipate (and Accept) Differences
There are ways to nurture a child safely that
are different than the ways I might do things.
There are wide variances in what is accept-able
parenting. I am not a perfect parent. Nei-ther
will a teen mom be a perfect parent. Our
goal as foster parents is to develop moms who
are “good enough” or “better than good
enough” parents.
Shared Parenting, and Then Some
Most foster parents in North Carolina are fa-miliar
with the concept of “shared parenting.”
Fostering teen moms and their children is the
absolute demonstration of shared parenting
24/7. This is 52 weeks a year,
not once a week for an hour or
two. Handing down rules and
regulations is not an effective
way to improve parenting
skills. Demonstrating without
saying “this is how it should be
done” allows the teen to see
interactions and to internalize them. The de-sired
changes don’t happen overnight. Every
day is not a good day. But teens can learn to
provide good care for their children and to
enjoy their children.
Teens Will Be Teens
Teen moms are children themselves. As such
they will, upon occasion, act immaturely. They
are immature. As foster parents of young
moms one of our roles is that of grandpar-ent.
We provide a break from parenting and
help teens make safe plans for time away from
the responsibilities of single parenting. We
also model break times from children in our
own lives. Some time alone or with friends or
spouse is healthy and makes parents better
able to cope with the demands of raising their
children. If alcohol or substance abuse were
the coping methods of choice in your family
of origin, the idea of getting a sitter and going
to see a movie or hanging out with friends
might seem foreign.
Placing Moms and Babies Together
Currently in North Carolina there is a big push
to place sibling groups in a single foster home.
I believe that it is just as important for teens
to be placed in the same foster home as their
children. Research shows that the long-term
outcomes are better for young moms and their
children placed together.
The right foster home is very important.
The foster parents of parenting teens should
not have any desire to adopt an infant or young
child. Such a desire would present an incred-ible
conflict of interest (e.g., “if this mother
fails, we could adopt this child”). The foster
family must be willing to acknowledge short-comings
and failures. The indicators of a
strong family are not how much they do right
but how they deal with their mistakes. Teens
need to see how mistakes can be remedied.
Placement Should Be Warranted
I wish that county DSS workers were less
quick to take both teen mom and her child
into custody. Teens abhor having their chil-dren
in the custody of DSS. Provided the fos-ter
parents are willing to supervise the young
mom and her child, the young moms could
be encouraged to succeed and to demonstrate
that their children do not need to be in the
custody of DSS. If a teen in a functional fam-ily
gives birth to a child, the child only enters
into DSS custody in the case of abuse or ne-glect.
If positive outcomes for both teen mom
and child are the desired result, placement
together with only the teen mom in DSS cus-tody
would seem the best approach.
If you currently foster teens or are think-ing
about fostering teens, my husband and I
would like to encourage you to explore caring
for teens and their children. The babies and
toddlers are a joy, but nothing can compare
to the feeling you have as you watch a young
mom and her child interact appropriately and
have fun. This really is the opportunity to
change the future. Young moms tend to stay
in contact with us after leaving care. Shared
parenting has built a level of trust that en-courages
the moms to reach out for answers
to questions and for help making decisions.
Resources for Learning More
• <http://www.clcla.org/facts_teens.html>
• <http://youthadvocacycenter.org/pubs/
reports.html#caring>
• <http://www.nyclu.org/search/node/
The+rights+of+pregnant+and+Parenting+teens>
• <http://www.healthyteennetwork.org>
A Bridge In Time
Ronda, age 15
walking down a long lonely path time is frozen.
I come upon a worn-out bridge sitting there
without even a drop of water under it or a tire
tread leading down!
Now I come here to think about frozen times and
to find myself!!!
to search for today, tonight, and tomorrow
until I see the clouds slowly move!
and I realize time isn’t frozen just
this bridge in time!
Ronda received $15 for having her poem published.
Teen moms in foster
care are often poorly
prepared to parent.
How can we as foster
parents help them?
Shanita received $15 for having her work published.
15
Jazlyn
Angie
Help us find families for these children
Brittany James
Hikeem
Dabrock
Angie (age 17)
Angie is a bright and helpful young woman
who likes to please. Once she feels comfort-able,
Angie gets along well with others. Angie
is a very pleasant girl. She loves children, so
her desire to become a pediatrician makes
sense. Angie likes being active and enjoys
cooking, playing on computers, and volley-ball.
(NC #083-2140)
Brittany (age 14)
Brittany is a very likable and attractive young
woman with beautiful brown eyes. She re-cently
had her hair cut into a short, “more
grown-up” bobbed style. Brittany can be ex-tremely
insightful and has an unbelievable
thirst for life. She loves animals and she is a
terrific gymnast, but she also loves knee
boarding, riding her scooter, and swimming.
(NC #073-2331)
Dabrock (age 13)
Once he gets over his shyness, Dabrock has
a terrific personality and good manners. His
favorite activity is taking things like cars and
trucks apart and putting them back together
in different ways. Dabrock is very adventur-ous
and would love to explore the Sahara
Desert. He dreams of joining the army or be-coming
an astronaut or inventor.
(NC #060-2568)
Dustin (age 13)
Dustin is a playful, loving, and caring boy with
the biggest heart you can imagine. He loves
to read and enjoys watching auto racing.
Dustin has a talent for and an interest in
drawing. He loves animals and has lived on
several farms where he enjoyed helping care
for them. Dustin wants to become a biologist
so he can protect endangered species.
(NC #049-1947)
Emily (age 16)
Emily is a beautiful girl with soft blue eyes
and a fabulous smile. She is caring, consci-entious,
and friendly, as well as cooperative,
sociable, and a self-starter. Emily conveys her
thoughts effectively through her writing and
she enjoys keeping a journal and writing po-etry.
Emily attends regular classes at school
where she has made amazing progress.
(NC #090-2748)
Hikeem (age 15)
Hikeem is a capable, bright young man with
strong verbal skills. He has leadership quali-ties
if he channels them. He can be a caring
and considerate child. Hikeem enjoys riding
his bike, reading, and roller blading. He en-joys
tinkering with cars and would like to
become an auto mechanic. Hikeem made the
A/B honor roll four times last year.
(NC #090-1132)
Do you remember what it was like waiting for Christmas morning to arrive when you were a
child? Imagine waiting for a forever family to find you! A day in the life of these waiting
children can seem like an eternity. Help us NOW by bringing this page to your workplace and
by showing it to your friends. You can make a difference that will last a lifetime!
Dustin John
Emily
For more information on these children or
adoption in general, call the NC Kids
Adoption and Foster Care Network at
1-877-NCKIDS-1 <www.adoptnckids.org>
Maria
James (age 12)
James has a very giving and sweet spirit and
seeks positive attention. He likes sports and
would like to play on a team. James would
love to learn to swim and play the guitar. He
is quite inquisitive and likes to see how things
work by taking them apart and putting them
back together. He is very good with his hands
and enjoys making art projects. (NC #029-2756)
Jazlyn (age 15)
Jazlyn is a determined and responsible teen.
She is usually fun and cheerful and enjoys
talking to people and being helpful. Jazlyn’s
three loves are writing poetry, dancing, and
fixing hair. She enjoys going to the movies,
roller skating, cheerleading, and stepping.
God and church are important to Jazlyn and
she relishes all of the activities involved.
(NC #013-2771)
John (age 14)
John has an extremely good imagination and
can entertain himself for hours. He enjoys
NASCAR, riding his bike, building things, and
playing outside. When he is comfortable, John
can become quite friendly and open. He loves
to talk about dump trucks, fire trucks, and
tractor trailers. John wants to be a construc-tion
worker or truck driver. (NC #060-1883)
Maria (age 12)
Maria is a delightful, happy, and hopeful girl
who loves to smile and laugh. She is also ver-bal,
polite, and pleasant to be with. Maria is
active and athletic and she plays several dif-ferent
sports. She is an avid reader and mu-sically
talented. She enjoys attending church,
summer camp, and participating in activities
at the local YMCA. (NC #029-2845)
Life then, today, tomorrow
by Ronda, age 15
Life then was scary, today
great, tomorrow will be perfect with
mom and dad by my side.
Life then was a burden, today
a blessing, tomorrow calm with
mom and dad teaching me!
Life then was chaotic, today
thought out, tomorrow calm with
mom and dad teaching me!
With mom and dad
by my side
life tomorrow will be better
than today
and never like life then!
Ronda received $15 for having her poem published.
Writing Contest
If you are under 18 and are or have been in foster
care, we invite you to:
Interview your foster or
adoptive parent about why
they chose to be a foster or
adoptive parent and what it’s
like to be one.
To help you, we have posted some interviewing tips online at
<www.fosteringperspectives.org/interviewing-tips.pdf>
Younger children are welcome to submit
artwork on this theme/topic as well.
Deadline: February 11, 2008
E-mail your submission to johnmcmahon@mindspring.com or send it via
U.S. Mail to: Fostering Perspectives, NC Division of Social Services, 1459
Sand Hill Rd., No. 6, Candler, NC 28715. Include your name, age, address,
social security number (used to process awards only, confidentiality will be
protected) and phone number. In addition to receiving the awards above,
winners will have their work published in the next issue. Runners-up may
also have their work published, for which they will also receive a cash award.
We’re Also Seeking Artwork and Other Writing Submissions
Submissions can be on any theme. The submission requirements described
above apply. If sent via U.S. Mail, artwork should be sent flat (unfolded) on
white, unlined paper.
Get in-service training credit
for reading this newsletter!
Enjoy reading Fostering Perspectives and earn credit toward your relicensure.
Just write down the answers to the questions below and present them to your
social worker. If your answers are satisfactory, you’ll receive 30 minutes of credit
toward your training requirement. Questions about this method of gaining in-service
credit? Contact the NC Division of Social Services at 919/733-7672.
In-Service Quiz, FP v12#1
1. Name two ways foster parents can benefit from participation in child and
family team meetings.
2. Describe the new North Carolina law that creates funding to support post-secondary
education for some children who spend time in foster care. Who
benefits from this law? Be sure to name three things this funding pays for.
3. When and where will the NC Foster and Adoptive Parent Association’s
2008 conference be held?
4. Describe how you and the foster parents you know will be affected by the
recent changes in the rules governing foster home licensing in North Carolina.
5. What is the book, The Connected Child, about?
6. In state fiscal year 2005-06, what were the chances that a teen in foster
care in North Carolina was placed in a non-family setting (that is, in group
or institutional care)?
7. Describe the potential challenges and benefits of maintaining connections
between children adopted from foster care and their families of origin.
8. What organization will be celebrating its 10th anniversary at Castle
McCullough on Saturday, March 8, 2008?
9. Name three strengths and three needs identified by federal reviewers during
North Carolina’s recent Child and Family Services Review.
10. Name five things foster parents can do, when working with children who
have been sexually abused, to address troubling behaviors and make children
feel safe.
NONPROFIT ORG.
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
PERMIT 177
CHAPEL HILL, NC Jordan Institute for Families
UNC School of Social Work
Campus Box #3550
Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3550
When I realized I might
not be going back
[home] . . . . I did things
to misbehave. That is
when I realized they
loved me—because they
didn’t send me away.
Why Is Adoption Important to Me?
by Michael, age 8
It is important because I want and need a good
and safe family. Where I used to stay was not that
safe. I like my new safe home and my new safe
adoptive family. The special part of my family is
that I have two moms, and that makes my brothers
and I have a lot of love.
There are seven people in my home: 2 moms,
4 brothers, 2 dogs, and me. I like my new big family.
My old family was not safe because there was a lot
of fighting.
When I first came into foster care I felt OK. I thought was being babysat. I
liked the new house, the new people, the new school. I didn’t like seeing the
people I used to see. I felt sad and mad.
When I realized I might not be going back [home] I felt sad. I did things to
misbehave. I did and said things to scare my foster moms. I even tried to hurt
their feelings and get them in trouble. That is when I realized they loved me—
because they didn’t send me away to another home.
This is new for me, and they are working with me. Although I had never lived
in another foster home, I knew I loved them, too. I told my social worker that I
didn’t want to leave.
When I finally heard I was staying I felt happy, great, excited, calm, motionless.
The day I was fighting against had finally come. I was shocked but yet very happy
to have a forever family.
Michael received $15 for having his essay published.
FIRST PRIZE: $100
SECOND PRIZE: $50
THIRD PRIZE: $25